Intrusive thoughts about another woman not my gf

Hi guys, so with my OCD journey I have never really dealt with unusual and unique relationship OCD thoughts. I’ve dealt with a few main and standard ones before like: “what if I don’t actually love my girlfriend” or “what if I’m not actually attracted to her” or “what if she’s not the one” Stuff like that. But today I was at work and this other girl came in and I started having thoughts about her. For context she is new to my Bible study group (which my girlfriend is also apart of). I have only just met this new girl 2-3 weeks ago and she seemed cool but I didn’t really chat to her as much as I stayed over with my smaller group of mates. Anyways so she walks into my work and I just saw her and my intrusive thoughts once I recognized her was “wow she’s pretty” and “wows she’s hot” and then in my head it just came up with a scenario of like “what if me and her were dating instead of my current girlfriend.” Then I sort of spiraled a bit because I do love my girlfriend and I would never cheat on her that’s just not in my morals or character. But I felt like having those thoughts about this other girl was immoral and borderline cheating behavior. I would never actually make a move on her or talk to her whilst I am with my partner right now so I don’t know why my mind is getting tripped up about it. One of my main compulsions is researching so instead of researching online about rocd and going down rabbit holes online I thought if I just came on this app and dumped my thoughts and issues and leave it at that and get on with my day it’ll be the best thing for my ocd. Then we just started talking at the cash register (which I was at) and we were talking a little bit just casual small talk like “how’s your day going, are you going to next bible study, you off to work now” that sort of thing. Then I had an intrusive thought like “wow we really get on and she’s seems really cool and down to earth and nice and kind” so then my mind again was like “what if I liked her over my girlfriend” that just freaked me out cause I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years and we have been through so much together and I can see us getting married and growing old one day. Any advice for how to deal with this? I have been getting therapy with an OCD specialist and she has done wonders with my mental health as I was previously struggling with harm ocd, suicidal ocd and a few other subtypes. But those are managed now and honestly been really good lately with my ocd. I just want to let this new random one spiral. So again that’s why I am just dumping my thoughts on here instead of doing compulsions, overthinking and seeking reassurance.

0hseeD

Date posted: 16h

I think dumping your thoughts here may actually be a compulsion. It seems like confession which is a form of reassurance. By not keeping your thoughts in your head you may be absolving yourself of the guilt of these thoughts. Unintentionally, people may comment on your thoughts in a way that gives you reassurance as well. Sitting with the thoughts and saying, “maybe, it is bad, maybe it’s not.” Being with the discomfort of the thought itself and watching how the discomfort begins from the thought, rises with uncertainty, and eventually dissolves is very helpful for me. It helps me see that my thoughts are just responses to causes and conditions and that they have no substance of their own. Thoughts aren’t me, but happen because of a cause, like something I see or hear, and then a feeling arises from the thought like good, bad, or neutral and then I attach to that feeling. The feeling could be anger, fear, guilt, shame, etc. the thinker and the thought are not the same. Just notice and let it be without pushing or pulling away from the thought. Thinking about what you want for breakfast doesn’t cause discomfort, so it’s not attached to, but when a “bad” thought comes up that causes distress and now it “means something” to figure out. I’m not a therapist, but it’s something to think about if it helps you.

HenryMP27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

Hello there! You need to embrace the fact that it's okay to find other people attractive. Expose yourself to thoughts and fantasies about other people you find attractive, and learn to enjoy your sexuality instead of letting guilt consume you.

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