Hyper awareness of consciousness

I’m struggling with existential OCD and derealization. I get hyper-aware of my own consciousness like constantly thinking ‘why am I here?’, ‘how do I have my own mind?’, ‘everyone has their own consciousness and that feels scary’, and ‘life has no meaning because we all die’. It turns into rumination that makes me feel disconnected from my body and the world, like I’m looking through a fishbowl or I’m not really here. The thoughts loop and make me panic that I’ll be stuck like this forever. It spikes under stress I guess and after big periods of pushing through (like exams), and it makes me feel numb, sad, and exhausted and it’s just so fucking distressful I hate it. I know it’s OCD but the thoughts feel so real and distressing and asking if it’s OCD or psychosis is just a compulsion to get certainty that no one can ever give me. On top of this I’m trying to access therapy and it’s just so challanging and I’m scared I’ll be in this hyper awareness of conciousness and existential ocd state forever and I’ll just never get to live my life again. I feel crazy. Has anyone else had this and found ways to manage the hyper-awareness and existential dread? Looking for support and tips ):

ForTheGlory290

Date posted: 2d

YESS😩, i hate when existential ocd, mine even mixes with S and harm ocd. Sometimes i get a feeling of hopelessness, and I don’t even believe in existentialism or nihilism. The only thing that i know is to stop rumination in whatever way possible.

Kim27

Date posted: Yesterday

For a year I got into the fear of dying and I can retire in 4 years. What's the point you retire then you die. A lot of that has gone away. I'm taking medication and been doing erp since May. I still struggle with other ocd themes. Sometimes the death and What's the point will flash by now but it doesn't stick around

tarantula ke...

Date posted: Yesterday

I love philosophy and it occasionally does this to me. I firmly believe the meaning of life is simply what you make of it. Also never doubt the impact you have. We often muse about going back in time and killing a fly that radically alters the timeline. Your simple act of kindness to someone could alter the future. Maybe that person takes a turn that stops them from dying and goes on to have a kid that discovers a world changing technology. Every choice you make matters because it ripples into everyone else in subtle ways. Just because you can't see the web of knock on events, doesn't mean it's isn't happening.

Stella01.

Date posted: 12h

I was stuck in the worst EOCD spiral for literally months on end. It was seriously the worst and most scary thing I have ever experienced. I started therapy but the thing that helped me the most was medication. I hate to be pushing meds on people because they aren’t the “fix all” of OCD but if you aren’t able to apply ERP techniques right now, I highly suggest trying meds so you are able to apply the techniques. I was seriously stuck in such a bad loop and I too felt crazy, just know that you aren’t crazy! It gets better I promise. If you need anyone to talk to about your ocd, please feel free to reach out!

Kim27

Date posted: 1h

Yes I think the medication is what took constant fear of dying away. My Dr and therapist say the ERP and medication work together. Wish just taking a pill would fix everything. This morning I woke up with uneasy feeling and thoughts in the background of my mind. Trying not to engage

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