Long long term relationship? (21+)

Anybody else with ROCD in a looong oong term relationship? I have been with my girlfriend for a decade, and I love her and want to be with her but for the first time ever I'm having anxiety about all of the different life paths I could have taken and whether or not I am choosing "right". She is my first and only, we've been together since I was 16. I don't want anyone else. But my anxiety has latched onto this fear of finding my forever person so young, especially because I have BPD and dependency issues. I want to sort those things out and heal and have a healthier relationship with her and myself, but I'm so terrified that if I get over the dependency, I will realize that that was the "glue" in our relationship. I get worried that I have never been single or lived alone as an adult. Like that's something everyone "has" to do. I just get scared. But I lovey girlfriend and I will fight for her forever. I feel like for a majority of our relationship I have felt so confident, but I have recently been lind of obsessing how many different paths there are in life and how I chose my path so young? On the otherhand I feel so lucky that I have gotten to grow up with this woman, that we could potentially be together for 70-80 years. Why after a decade am I suddenly so worried about this? Im just afraid because I have been an unhealthy person for so long, and I'm so scared that when I fully heal my dependency our relationship will change and I won't want it as much without the unhealthy "need" factor. It scares me even writing this. Why am I suddenly so obsessed with all of life's different possibilities? I don't want to be apart from her, but what if it's for the wrong reasons? Dependency, comfort, fear of loss, etc. Anyone relate? I am sick of this spiral. Im sick of not trusting myself and second guessing myself. Especially because I have made up my mind. I will fight for this forever. But what if that's wrong? What if it's my dependency? People talk about how you should know yourself before being in a relationship, but I feel like I have never really found myself. I have spent so much of my life in survival mode, grasping onto any bit of pleasure to get me through the day. Loving day by day. Very little goals or plans. Making my relationship too much of my life and personality. Isolating myself. Can I untangle this and become more independent and find myself without losing my best friend? How do I stop worrying about my choices and where they are coming from? Anytime I feel good, I second guess it. Like im forcing myself to feel that way because that's how I want to feel. But if that is how I want to feel, doesn't that mean that is how I feel and what I value? I'm just struggling. I just want to be healthy and present with my girlfriend. But the whole big "what if I'm deluding/lying to myself? What if I want to want it but don't actually want it? How can I trust what I want when my brain and attachment are so fucked up?" It's so difficult, i'm going back and forth between feeling confident and good and anxious and disconnected (which is better than I was only a few months ago-constantly sick with anxiety). I'm afraid I have passed some point of no return. I wish I could figure it out. I wish I could trust myself. Im so afraid of becoming more independent and finding out rhat my dependence was what was keeping me attached. This is triggering to even write. Anyone out there feel like this?