tw: racism ocd

im so so so anxious bc ive been trying to schedule with this therapy place that has two locations in my state. one of the locations is in my hometown, the other is online exclusive. its in a city i dont visit as often. i keep explaining myself over and over that i dont want an in person visit. i want a virtual visit with a person that i can see in person occasionally when i go to see family because i KNOW i will need it. my family triggers my ocd so much and my trauma. and i want to be able to escape the house. but they keep giving me the option of the virtual exclusive therapist. and shes bipoc. and in a different city than the one im currently in and the one im from. im from a majority hispanic community and the office that is in my hometown represents that. and ive been feeling so much guilt about racist intrusive thoughts and it would feel so so so weird and even racist to ask a bipoc therapist for reassurance and explain the evil things my head comes up with. but now my brain is saying bc i want someone from my hometown, someone i can see in person when i need it but is mostly virtual appointments bc im in a college town, that im racist. but would it be more racist to explain my thoughts to that therapist? but i also know that my hispanic community is extremely close minded. so am i just seeking validation from people who probably have worse thoughts than me and believe them? idk. i just dont want to follow through with one therapist then have to retraumatize and explain myself again and again to another in the time that im in my hometown. i cant use nocd as it doesnt accept medicaid (which feels a little classist and inaccessible) and i cant find any therapists in my current city that take my insurance. i feel stuck and my mom keeps getting mad at me for not scheduling, but ive explained myself over and over again to the receptionist. and they only offer two options: exclusively online or exclusively in person. which is so weird because with all the other therapists i have had before, they allow both and can alternate. i dont really know what to do. i cant afford to pay 150+ for therapy, hence the medicaid, but if you see how much i post you will understand that i need it. side note but it just kinda sucks how therapy is so inaccessible for low income people. i feel like being low income just means you need it more. idk. im very anxious.