Masturbation compulsion question/vent my

When I was 13 my OCD (this subtype) started. My question really is, can this all still be OCD? It was all clearly OCD back then because all my worries were really far-fetched and would probably seem ridiculous to someone without OCD, and I had been through similar things with health OCD (I thought I had all of these parasites and diseases when I didn’t and had a lot of anxiety about that). But when I was 14, there was an image on a YouTube thumbnail that was a picture of nakedness (I don’t want to elaborate further as it makes me really upset). It was some kind of medical video but I saw it out of the corner of my eye and immediately looked away in fear, but then I looked at it again to check my reaction and it backfired. It felt like I liked the picture a little and I was really anxious about it. I turned my phone off and sat with the anxiety for a minute, and then I masturbated and immediately went into extreme panic because I felt like I had proved that it’s not ocd after all and done something extremely horrible and unforgivable. I wasn’t thinking about the image that I’d seen, but it kind of felt like a purge of feelings in a way, and for years I’ve been telling myself that it was to get rid of anxiety about the feelings in a sort, but quite often I fall into another loop of extreme anxiety about it because I feel like I’ve been lying to myself and rationalising what happened and been in denial for years. I can’t find any stories of anyone in ocd literature experiencing something similar to what I did, only people who masturbated to test or check. Today when I woke up the memory came back and it felt as clear as day that I did it as a reaction to being aroused, and I got really upset. It’s been upsetting me for a long time now despite it happening around 6 years ago. I’m extremely depressed and feel disgusting and evil all the time, and when I’m doing somewhat okay I feel like I’m carrying so much guilt and carrying around guilt that it’s not ocd and I am what i fear I am. Please don’t tell me if you think it’s not ocd because I cannot deal with that right now, I don’t know what would happen if someone said that but it would probably push me over the edge. I have a therapist but I can’t tell her in detail what happened because I am too afraid which makes me more anxious. I feel like I’ve done something horrendous and I don’t feel the same way that I used to about myself. I want a boyfriend and to get married one day and be a wife to a man I love but I feel like I can’t because I don’t deserve it and I would never be able to tell him about this. I used to be able to convince myself that it’s ocd and get better but now I can’t. Even when I’m feeling somewhat okay I still feel like I’m lying and that I know it’s not OCD. Nothing helps anymore.