ROCD?

I have struggled with ROCD and SOOCD in the past and found success through ERP. I recently learned my parents are divorcing and there was an element of hidden gender/sexual orientation behind the split. The stress and circumstances around it have really ramped up old fears and generated new ones including whether I am being selfish staying in my marriage with all these thoughts. I haven't shared much with my partner, as I do not want to hurt him or hinder my recovery by compulsively sharing, but that is starting to feel like an unethical withholding of information. I am so scared OCD will tear my family apart, and I am also scared that if this ISN'T OCD and that I simply don't truly love my partner, that I am being cruel to everyone involved regardless of what happens.

anca

Date posted: 21h

You will get through this like you have before! It must be really scary to have something that resembles your fear happen so close to you and it makes sense that it would trigger you. I definetly think you should restart ERP. You got this!

frfb

Date posted: 21h

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/19VPiBixJ5/ Her videos are very informative. Look at her other videos, too.

LRC

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21h

Thank you this was helpful. I can recognize the "well, what if these feelings and urges aren't ACTUALLY intrusive and you are only experiencing anxiety because you're too cowardly and selfish to face reality?" As another what if that causes anxiety that honestly is really effective at pulling me in to compulsions.. and it might be edging in to moral scrupulosity territory?

frfb

Date posted: 20h

@LRC First of all, I don't think sexual orientation is hereditary. Apart from this, I want to present you another point of view: people can have all different sorts of sexual orientations. What amarriage is might be different for different people. There is no rule such as if you're a gay woman, you have to be married to a woman. Or there is no such rule as unless you have zero doubts about your sexual orientation, you are not allowed to marry. If you are happy in your relationship, and your partner is happy, why should anything change? I am not a therapist but from where I am standing yours definitely sounds like an intrusive thought rather than a repressed desire because I can see you don't actually want it and are very scared of it. Since intrusive thoughts are opposite to our values, I imagine you are either religious or value your relationship and partner so very much or maybe both!

frfb

Date posted: 20h

@LRC Medication together with therapy has helped me very much. Because of the type of my OCD, it was extremely difficult to actually start taking the medicine. And you see side affects immediately but actual desired affect takes a couple of weeks to show. So that period was difficult. But I am SO glad that I persisted, I had a lot of support in this period. Side affects are now gone. And I feel stronger and more normal, so to say... So, see psychiatrist, too. 100% recommended.

LRC

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20h

@frfb I love and respect my partner very much. I have no qualms with the LGBTQ community and I believe everyone should he free to love who they love and live authentically. My value of authenticity is what feels attacked with that theme... like I might be hiding something from myself and others or lying to myself and others...

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