Does anyone else feel like they’re not sure of their values? I don’t think I really am certain of my values. Or I’m certain I want to be content as a value but then thoughts seep in and contentment cannot happen. Just curious as I see that’s something that’s said often in OCD treatment, but it feels hollow to me.
I think content might be more of an emotional state. I think values are more like attributes that you can act on, like teamwork, friendship, charitableness, flexibility, etc so you can decide if the action aligns with that value. For example, your OCD might not allow you to be flexible about certain things (ie black and white thinking like anxious thoughts telling you something HAS to be this way or else) you can choose an action that is somewhat flexible like “I will let my friend decide on the time of our hangout” even though your OCD might be telling you to be rigid about that. That’s just an example but does that make sense?
@FroBro22 This makes sense, thank you!
i struggle with values too especially since OCD has the tendency to distort our desires and wants too (sexuality, goals, future) so it seems like it’s really real and like it wants us to not feel confident in ourselves (the doubting disorder) so I struggle with it too I always try to distinguish organic feels vs ocd
@minioooons Yes! Thank you for making me feel less alone
Values are things you want to live by even when your internal world makes everything else confusing, or things you find yourself doing/being even when you’re anxious inside. So like for me, I value my partner and our relationship because I can see how much I’ve gone through to protect it, I value being a kind person because it’s in my nature even when I feel terrible, I value self growth because outside of the ocd I don’t want to feel stagnant, I hope that makes sense. To me it’s kinda about looking back and seeing what have been your patterns that are significant to You (outside of the ocd). I was in the same spot as you though where I didn’t know either for a while
@Anonymous This example is really helpful. I have stayed with my boyfriend through “regular” and OCD-like doubt. I think about yesterday him being upset and me just wanting to comfort him, because I hate seeing him upset! Things like that, choosing to stay even when my brain shouted to walk away out of fear, etc., can indicate I value him and our relationship. I also in all my doubt don’t really want to “discover” anything, if that makes sense. I want things to stay the same, though I accept that change can happen
I feel the same. Especially with soocd it can become really confusing what your values are and why you have them. This post has helped me kinda distance myself from forcing values at times when I'm confused about them: https://www.instagram.com/p/DMlTfUzxxTE/?igsh=b2FjcHVsZHgxdTkx Living by values may be somewhat easy for some people but with themes regarding identity I feel like that's just gonna fuel it because you end up questioning them and they become part of the obsession.
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