Has anyone experienced this? I feel alone

I feel stuck trying to get certainty about myself and my feelings. A pattern I notice is that I can be doing something normal, like watching YouTube videos, watching a show, or just being in the moment, and a sensation or thought can suddenly appear. Sometimes my brain labels the sensation as “sexual,” but it feels unfamiliar and confusing. My first reaction is usually, “What is this?” or “What does this mean?” and then I start trying to understand it. When this happens, I start testing myself. I replay thoughts, imagine scenarios, or intentionally focus on the feeling to see how I react. Sometimes I try to “play along” with the thought by imagining it more and asking myself questions like “Do I want this?” or “Do I like this?” The more I focus on it, the stronger or more noticeable the feeling can feel. Then I become anxious, my chest can feel heavy, and I get stuck trying to understand whether the sensation means something. Sometimes I try to recreate the feeling to see if it comes back. If it comes back, I worry about what that means. If it does not come back, I worry that I will never know the answer. I feel pulled to keep testing because I feel like I need certainty. I also notice that the feeling can feel “new” or unfamiliar, which makes me scared because my brain interprets it as something important. I think, “What if this is a new feeling?” or “What if this means something about me?” The unfamiliar feeling itself becomes the thing I focus on. After these moments, I can feel disconnected from my emotions. It can feel like my head and my feelings are not connected, or like I cannot access my emotions the same way. My personality feels the same, but my emotions can feel blocked or distant. Sometimes I feel like I do not care, and that scares me because I wonder why I cannot feel the way I expect to. A major part of this involves my relationship with my boyfriend Erick. I love Erick and I worry about losing my feelings for him. When I am not checking, I naturally have moments of love, warmth, and affection toward him. I feel this when I see him, text him, think about his humor, his silly moments, our couch time, and the little things I find cute about him. I also have moments where I naturally want to care for him, like when I thought about getting him a mini fan because he walks or bikes to work and I wanted him to be comfortable. However, after intrusive thoughts and checking, I start questioning everything. I wonder if my feelings are real, if they changed, or if I can trust myself. I compare my current feelings to past moments where I felt relief and like I was “myself again.” I keep trying to get that exact feeling back, and when it does not feel the same, I become worried that something changed. I also notice that when I look back on memories where I felt happy or connected, I can remember the feeling but struggle to feel like I am fully in that moment again. This makes me worry that I lost something. My biggest fear is not knowing. I feel like I need to figure out what the feeling mean and what they say about me.