help guys please x

Please help guys!😓 I just want people that can maybe understand where I’m coming from? And maybe have been in the same situation as me. So I was 17 and was so in love with my partner, lost my virginity the lot, I did suffer with ocd before this the first big thought was health OCD it was on my mind constantly. Went to doctor’s appointments the lot and still thought there was something wrong. So that lasted for about a year, and THEN i was laying in bed one night and the thought popped in ‘ what if you don’t love your partner, well if you don’t you won’t be aroused anymore’ and since that one thought I could not get aroused I would cry constantly, it was a constant worry, I even went to therapy over it because it was so scary and taking over my life. Then one afternoon I was watching a film with a adult scene in and the women made some sexual noises and I got a arousal feeling, naturally you wouldn’t think anything of it it’s a sexual scene that happens but my brain jumped to omg you must be lesbian! And ever since then it’s been hell. I would constantly check my arousal and it just got stronger and stronger too the point I now really question what I am because I still can’t get arousal to men from the day I worried what if I’m a lesbian. I mean I couldn’t imagine flirting with a female or nothing like that. But I will think a lot more women are attractive and men it’s just numb. This has been 12 years now this worry. And it still to this day upsets me. I would appreciate opinions on this please! Thankyou d

Kei1

Date posted: 20h

It’s okay to view the same sex as attractive I think women can look better than men but I still date men you’re probably experiencing responses due to the fact you’re focused on your body response towards women

Elsielou

Date posted: 19h

@Kei1 Oh 100% that’s fine but it’s more that one thought can take away my enjoyment of looking and fancying men if you get me? Like I can’t feel anything anymore and it’s only been since one worry all those years ago

anca

Date posted: 19h

I definetly understant! After 6 years with this worry, it's very hard for me to tell if my lack of attraction is genuine or a symptom. And I don't know if you also do this, but I tend to not take into consideration the times when I did feel attracted to men. I liked a guy for 3 years and I was attracted to him and now I just think that I was comphet and that it wasn't real. And all the times when I thought a woman was beautiful is "evidence" that I'm a lesbian but those 3 years where I thought that guy was the love of my life don't count for anything in my head. It's such a dreadful experience to live with this worry. Have you been able to date in the past 12 years dealing with this? Because it made me very avoidant, I don't want to date anyone cause I'm scared I'm leading him on or that I'll realize I don't feel anything for him and stuff like that. And I prefer to not date at all to avoid these possibilities

Elsielou

Date posted: 18h

@anca So I actually in a great relationship! But it’s the sexual side of things for me! It’s just like numb. But when I was single I was seeing another guy and couldn’t get aroused but I think because this thought had been around so long my arousal wasn’t going to come back naturally because I had in my head ‘ you won’t get aroused’ I’ve defiantly done this to myself because before this worry ever popped in I was absolutely fine in this department but I dunno I worry because I can’t feel arousal anymore have my sexuality changed and I just won’t admit it or won’t accept it or is this my ocd still? It’s really hard because you’ll never get a 100% answer if that makes sense? Like I could never imagine myself flirting with a women and that being the normal for me? But when the lesbian question popped up I would check and get groinal responses if I see a pretty girl and that’s been on and off for years since that worry popped up! It’s like I’ll never go back to when I was happy once upon a time. This is worst one so far

anca

Date posted: 2h

@Elsielou Yes, that's what I grieve most, the life I could have had if the thought never popped up. For me it started before I ever dated anyone so I never got to be with someone without the doubt being there. And it makes me sad to think that I'll never know what it's like to have relationship free of these thoughts.

Elsielou

Date posted: 17m

@anca But ocd does that. It takes away things you care about most, we will get there just need to learn to ignore these thoughts and worries

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