I’m scared and worried

This morning I woke up feeling like I didn’t really feel anything toward my boyfriend. I saw a Senior Sunrise post and thought I would feel excited to send it to him, but I didn’t feel much. I ended up sending it anyway and asking if he would go with me. After that, I kept seeing lovey-dovey posts and started wondering why I wasn’t feeling the happiness or excitement I expected. I sometimes get a certain feeling that is hard to describe. It feels almost like I’m changing or revisiting a memory in my head. It can feel warm, but it isn’t the comforting kind of warmth I remember. I don’t really feel love or excitement with it, just this strange warmth, and then I start questioning what the feeling means. I started getting anxious and asking myself, “Do I even love him anymore?” I tried to take a nap, but intrusive thoughts came up. When I woke up, I felt shaken and overwhelmed, because it was like my mind started throwing a lot of thoughts and “evidence” at me about whether my feelings for him are real while I was trying to wake up. Throughout the day, I kept replaying memories with him and questioning whether I genuinely wanted the closeness at the time or whether I was forcing it. I remembered wanting hugs, kisses, cuddling, being goofy with him, and wanting him to stay longer, but then I started questioning whether those memories were real or whether I was imagining feelings afterward. I also kept getting intrusive thoughts about girls and then checking how I reacted to them. I noticed different sensations and levels of anxiety, and I kept trying to figure out what each feeling meant. This made me feel overwhelmed, cry, and feel like I needed to keep analyzing everything.my mind keeps turning my memories, feelings, and reactions into evidence about whether I love my boyfriend. I don’t know what is real anymore, and I want help stopping this constant checking and questioning.

HRG

Date posted: 6d

Do you have a therapist? If not…I can share something mine shared with me

Sofieee

Date posted: 5d

@HRG Yes I do and I don’t mind you sharing

slw06

Date posted: 4d

i go through the same thing girl its terrible, im terrified of losing feelings because we have so much future plans together, i know this is ocd because it started coming up when i started gaining harm ocd which lead me into thinking i need to leave him, then thats where i spiralled because that thought felt like it needed to happen, that i needed to leave him so i dont end up hurting him. It is so weird, when i get anxious all i want to be is with him and feel the comfort he gives me but my anxiety is because of my ocd intrusive thoughts of leaving him or losing control and hurting him. he knows i am struggling and he tells me that he will be here by my side but i feel guilty for having him by my side having to deal with me being so sad and distant along with my intrusive thoughts that make me feel so guilty

HRG

Date posted: 16h

“I’m noticing the ______ and not doing anything about it. This is just a _________ My job is to let it be there without making it mean something urgent.” “It feels urgent, but I don’t have to act on that feeling.” Maybe I come across as awkward or different, maybe I don't - and I might never know how others would react. 1. “There’s the ‘what if’ again. I see you, OCD.” 2. “OCD wants me to react. I’m going to let it sit there instead.” 3. “I don’t need to solve this thought. I need to let it pass.” 4. “It’s okay to feel unsure. I’m allowed to not know.” 5. “Discomfort is not danger.” 14. “The more I let this thought float, the less power it has.”

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