- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I remember having a similar experience years ago except my response was groinal.
- Date posted
- 5y
And how are you now. Do you currently have a gf or how did your hocd evolve ?
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- 5y
@Ionut Currently have a girlfriend with whom I get lots of healthy groinal responses. Confusing right?
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- 5y
@ProsperwithOCD Nah man not really. When I think of men or something it feels weird it really feels like something fake down there no matter how strong is it but when i get boners thinkin about girls it feels somehow natural and healthy
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- 5y
@ProsperwithOCD No. I just can’t accept gay thoughts I just can’t. They make me sick
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- 5y
@Ionut Especially imagining myself with a man like in a 3rd person perspective that is the worst.
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- 5y
@ProsperwithOCD Yes... because my mind keeps telling me that I will like it
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- 5y
@ProsperwithOCD Who the hell likes anxiety. No, and i dont want to satisfy a obsession by sleeping or even watching gay porn. That would be wrong.
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- 5y
@ProsperwithOCD Yeah I see.. hmm makes sense
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- 5y
I have been there too and it’s so scary I know :( I still do have hocd
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- 5y
I’ve had it for almost a full year now in mid January... I don’t want to be like this.
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- 5y
@tinyTROLL13 We all need to learn to manage it.
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- 5y
@ProsperwithOCD I don’t feel like that possible, I feel like I’m always gonna live in fear of it.
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- 5y
@tinyTROLL13 I think medication could help you see things in a new way. Do you have a therapist?
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- 5y
@ProsperwithOCD No I don’t know how to bring it up to my mom, I told her about everything I was feeling when I first started having HOCD and she didn’t help much, she was asking me if I was actually gay and I felt so hurt that she actually thought I could be... I don’t know I probably just over reacted, I just feel like my life is over and I’m just going crazy.
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- 5y
@tinyTROLL13 Success stories might help. I’ve had a lot of success managing myself, but ultimately I think a therapist could do wonders if your family will not.
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- 5y
@ProsperwithOCD Thank you, I want to go to a therapist but I just need to figure out a way to bring it up to my family... but what if I go and I end up not having ocd, what if I’m just crazy?!
- Date posted
- 5y
@tinyTROLL13 Omg same I told my mom and she kind of freaked out
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- 5y
@tinyTROLL13 I also had a mental breakdown after telling her that and the months that followed have been going in anxiety and stress
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- 5y
@lemondew Yeah even though I know my family would still love me even if I was gay, I still am so scared that I am. The last few months I’ve bin living with the mindset of, “If I can’t live the way I want to live or love the way I want to love, them what’s the point of living at all.”
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- 5y
@tinyTROLL13 Same but at some point we have to accept that things could change in the future. That's something I realized after having a long talk with one of the members
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- 5y
@tinyTROLL13 you are not crazy. Please don’t even allow that thought to come into your mind. I remember when I had this fear years and years ago. And I remember telling my mom (at the time we didn’t think anything about OCD) until I started looking online (which can be bitter sweet) in my case it was “sweet” because I came across many forums of people feeling the exact same way. So if your family doesn’t understand, you can always try a different approach with starting the conversation about OCD and inform them a little about it. And maybe even mention how there are sooo many different sub-types of it. And tell them you feel going to a therapist would be the best step for you. (And I’m not a professional, but I have always remembered this, make sure you go to an actual therapist and not just your PCP or family doctor-it was one of the first things my professor said on the first day of my psychology class) because you want someone who understands and specializes with the mind. **not knocking PCP’s at all-they are just not always as well versed in the way the brain plays these tricks on us**
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- 5y
Thank you, I’m gonna try and talk to my mom about it before the month ends. I’m gonna try and keep my head up high and try to not have a mental breakdown... again ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@tinyTROLL13 you can do it! I once read this analogy and it has stuck with me for years! OCD is like a monster that know what will hurt you the most and that is what it attacks. Therefore you have two options, you can either give into the monster (which would be giving into the compulsions, whether they are physical actions or mental actions) and by acting on these compulsions you are feeding the monster and he is gaining the fuel that it needs to grow stronger and stronger. OR you can starve him! Which would be to ignore the obsession when it comes into your head. That way the monster doesn’t get that fuel it needs and it will eventually grow weaker and weaker until it doesn’t have any energy left to fight. And then you have won that battle. Just always remember you are stronger then you think. You are more worthy then you may think. You are taking the first step in taking your life back and that’s what matters and shows your true strength. Always remember that and don’t ever let anyone bring you down! Especially this OCD monster
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- 5y
YEAH!!! YEAH YOURE RIGHT!! Now I’m actually kinda excited about getting help now, thank you!!!
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- 5y
wrong for me* i dont have such a big problem with the gays outthere but thinking about me in such a situation.. God... it would feel like on of the biggest mistakes and regrets of my life.
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- 5y
@ProsperwithOCD I promise mysef and to God, I won’t. Idk man.. i recently told my crush i like her .. she rejected me .. i haven’t had no gf so far.. and yeah.. times are hard now but i know we all gonna get better..
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
2 nights ago I saw something on my phone and it has now spiraled into me scared of being trans or being gay because i don’t want to be… now i have a huge fear of what if i am gay and am attracted to woman or what if im not comfortable in my body and want to turn into a man. It’s freaking me out - my ocd always makes me question my character! Has anyone experienced this 😩
- Date posted
- 16w
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
- Date posted
- 6w
Every time I say smthn I like about my body or ask myself questions (likley a compulsion) or even just being around my bf I feel like this frog in my throat/nausea feeling. Why?? I never used to feel that before all of this. I love my body and I love being a woman I have no desire to be a man, maybe to try out semi masculine/tomboyish styles for funsies but that’s it. Ex- I was saying just now I do like having smaller boobs even tho they’re not super big or visible when I wear baggy clothes (that’s been bothering me lately. I’m wearing a sweater rn and I can’t see them ;-;). Then I end up in a loop of “if there was a button in front of you to turn you into a man would you press it” my brain jumps to yes but I don’t want that I don’t think. Idk. I’m just confused. I don’t feel like myself anymore. Certain nicknames my bf gives me make me anxious or nauseous but if I didn’t have this I don’t think they would. He reused a nickname I haven’t heard since I last saw my half siblings so maybe that’s where it’s coming from? I like the nickname it’s cute, especially when he says it out loud. I think I’m just weird with nicknames tbh. I like calling him nicknames but I haven’t really been called anything till we started dating. It started with honey, meu amor, meu anjo, and habibi/habibti (he’s Arab, I’m Brazilian. Banger food combo. We’ve joked about opening a fusion restaurant lol) and it’s kinda evolved from there. Idk the nauseous feeling has been persistent lately. Especially cuz his parents hate my guts rn 😀and likely will forever should be and I get married. Which I do want. But then my SOOCD comes in screaming NO YOU DONT YOURE GONNA LEAVE HIM AR THE ALTAR FOR *insert friend I have a false attraction to* (I’m pretty sure it is false attraction. I don’t like her in that way. But every time there’s a joke I get a groinal response and panic internally. We’re not close and I don’t get excited to see her or want to be closer to her the way I do with my bf/before he and I started dating. I know what a crush feels like. But I feel like I’m going insane and that it isn’t ocd and I’m just losing my mind and I don’t love y bf). I love being back at university but also hate it at the same time cuz I live in an all girls dorm. Which is. Great. When my ocd makes me think I’m a lesbian. And all my friends are queer so this kinda doesn’t help. The friend that is specifically being targeted atm is a lesbian. Lately it’s been her for a while. How long does it take for it to jump false attractions? Cuz I’m worried that if it lasts a certain amount of time it’s a real feeling. I also just get groinal responses around my friends a lot and it bugs me. Why am I feeling a twitch and feeling wet? We’re playing cards? Oh god am I turned on by an entirely different friend than the usual target cuz she’s wearing shorts? Like😃😃😃I’m losing it lol I also feel generally numb? Like idc if this happens with him, idc if he can’t see me. But then when I can’t see him or if I even imagine smthn happening I start sobbing. There’s currently restrictions on guests in the dorm so we can’t even cuddle or hang out in silence. He came to pick me up the other night to go for a drive and it was nice and wonderful but I did feel a tad bit anxious. Maybe it’s cuz it’s been 2 months, I’m worried about meeting his parents, he has 2 jobs and has classes, I have classes and a club presidency to deal with, I’m on vyvanse, etc. multitude of reasons but once we eased into it I felt better. We kissed a little and all I could think of was “I love his eyes and his smile” I was worried I would hate kissing him. But I loved it (idk it’s like my brain wipes the memory and is like “lol do you even like kissing him or having sex with him??” And it’s putting in memories of me being uncomfortable and annoyed by his kissing which I never am. Sometimes his mustache and beard are pokey but I think that’s normal lol) even when I enjoy things my brain is like “nah you’re GAYYYY🫵AND on top of that! You’re likely a man who is denying that he is trans. Here’s a name for you that you never asked for or conjured up!” Idk if anyone else’s ocd does that. I like being a woman, love it some days. Neutral most days, whcih I did read is normal, cuz you’re just going about your day as you are. Not thinking about it. Not feeling anything wrong. I never did till this shit. I don’t think about it often but one night it just hit me like a freight train “what if I am trans and suppressed it? I mean I was a tomboy as a kid.” But I know plenty of tomboys grow into cool girls so. ??? Idk. Ramble over. I have class🫡
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