TaraTherese

Date posted: 5y

I’m at my friends house right now, I spent the night for New Years and I kept looking at her to much while talking. My brain immediately went to, “what if you like her?” And I got this really weird feeling in my chest and stomach, that made me panic even more... I got up and went to the bathroom and started looking on this app for something! And then I started thinking, “what if I’m bi?” That scared me more, the thought of me being with a girl makes my stomach churn... I then started to shake my head like I usually do to get the thought to go away, and it wasn’t working... WHY WASNT IT WORKING!? IS IT NOT OCD?! AM I JUST FAKING IT ALL!?! I NEVER USED TO THINK LIKE THIS BEFORE!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!!! I just want to go home and cry all day...

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I remember having a similar experience years ago except my response was groinal.

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

And how are you now. Do you currently have a gf or how did your hocd evolve ?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Ionut Currently have a girlfriend with whom I get lots of healthy groinal responses. Confusing right?

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@ProsperwithOCD Nah man not really. When I think of men or something it feels weird it really feels like something fake down there no matter how strong is it but when i get boners thinkin about girls it feels somehow natural and healthy

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@ProsperwithOCD No. I just can’t accept gay thoughts I just can’t. They make me sick

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@Ionut Especially imagining myself with a man like in a 3rd person perspective that is the worst.

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@ProsperwithOCD Yes... because my mind keeps telling me that I will like it

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@ProsperwithOCD Who the hell likes anxiety. No, and i dont want to satisfy a obsession by sleeping or even watching gay porn. That would be wrong.

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@ProsperwithOCD Yeah I see.. hmm makes sense

Asnku

Date posted: 5y

I have been there too and it’s so scary I know :( I still do have hocd

TaraTherese

Date posted: 5y

I’ve had it for almost a full year now in mid January... I don’t want to be like this.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@tinyTROLL13 We all need to learn to manage it.

TaraTherese

Date posted: 5y

@ProsperwithOCD I don’t feel like that possible, I feel like I’m always gonna live in fear of it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@tinyTROLL13 I think medication could help you see things in a new way. Do you have a therapist?

TaraTherese

Date posted: 5y

@ProsperwithOCD No I don’t know how to bring it up to my mom, I told her about everything I was feeling when I first started having HOCD and she didn’t help much, she was asking me if I was actually gay and I felt so hurt that she actually thought I could be... I don’t know I probably just over reacted, I just feel like my life is over and I’m just going crazy.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@tinyTROLL13 Success stories might help. I’ve had a lot of success managing myself, but ultimately I think a therapist could do wonders if your family will not.

TaraTherese

Date posted: 5y

@ProsperwithOCD Thank you, I want to go to a therapist but I just need to figure out a way to bring it up to my family... but what if I go and I end up not having ocd, what if I’m just crazy?!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@tinyTROLL13 Omg same I told my mom and she kind of freaked out

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@tinyTROLL13 I also had a mental breakdown after telling her that and the months that followed have been going in anxiety and stress

TaraTherese

Date posted: 5y

@lemondew Yeah even though I know my family would still love me even if I was gay, I still am so scared that I am. The last few months I’ve bin living with the mindset of, “If I can’t live the way I want to live or love the way I want to love, them what’s the point of living at all.”

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@tinyTROLL13 Same but at some point we have to accept that things could change in the future. That's something I realized after having a long talk with one of the members

StefH

Date posted: 5y

@tinyTROLL13 you are not crazy. Please don’t even allow that thought to come into your mind. I remember when I had this fear years and years ago. And I remember telling my mom (at the time we didn’t think anything about OCD) until I started looking online (which can be bitter sweet) in my case it was “sweet” because I came across many forums of people feeling the exact same way. So if your family doesn’t understand, you can always try a different approach with starting the conversation about OCD and inform them a little about it. And maybe even mention how there are sooo many different sub-types of it. And tell them you feel going to a therapist would be the best step for you. (And I’m not a professional, but I have always remembered this, make sure you go to an actual therapist and not just your PCP or family doctor-it was one of the first things my professor said on the first day of my psychology class) because you want someone who understands and specializes with the mind. **not knocking PCP’s at all-they are just not always as well versed in the way the brain plays these tricks on us**

TaraTherese

Date posted: 5y

Thank you, I’m gonna try and talk to my mom about it before the month ends. I’m gonna try and keep my head up high and try to not have a mental breakdown... again ?

StefH

Date posted: 5y

@tinyTROLL13 you can do it! I once read this analogy and it has stuck with me for years! OCD is like a monster that know what will hurt you the most and that is what it attacks. Therefore you have two options, you can either give into the monster (which would be giving into the compulsions, whether they are physical actions or mental actions) and by acting on these compulsions you are feeding the monster and he is gaining the fuel that it needs to grow stronger and stronger. OR you can starve him! Which would be to ignore the obsession when it comes into your head. That way the monster doesn’t get that fuel it needs and it will eventually grow weaker and weaker until it doesn’t have any energy left to fight. And then you have won that battle. Just always remember you are stronger then you think. You are more worthy then you may think. You are taking the first step in taking your life back and that’s what matters and shows your true strength. Always remember that and don’t ever let anyone bring you down! Especially this OCD monster

TaraTherese

Date posted: 5y

YEAH!!! YEAH YOURE RIGHT!! Now I’m actually kinda excited about getting help now, thank you!!!

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

wrong for me* i dont have such a big problem with the gays outthere but thinking about me in such a situation.. God... it would feel like on of the biggest mistakes and regrets of my life.

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@ProsperwithOCD I promise mysef and to God, I won’t. Idk man.. i recently told my crush i like her .. she rejected me .. i haven’t had no gf so far.. and yeah.. times are hard now but i know we all gonna get better..

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 20w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 17w

LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

LiaExe28

Date posted: 15w

Couple of rough days - soocd

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad

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