accepting rocd feels like accepting failure

I know that the whole point to exposure therapy is to eventually except and tolerate your OCD but what do you do when it feels like you’re betraying yourself and there is no point if you accept your OCD thoughts? if I accept that I don’t know what’s going with my relationship and maybe it will work out and maybe it won’t and maybe he’s the right one for me and maybe he’s not and why am I putting through so much effort to try and make it work why am I putting through so much effort to celebrate anniversaries? should I even celebrate an anniversary at this point because if I have accepted that it may not work then that means I have accepted failure? and why would I continue to pour love and energy and effort into something that is obviously broken and won’t fix?

CatGee

Date posted: 18h

To me, the concept is to accept the OCD thoughts as false alarms. Our thoughts are not the truth and our thoughts are not lies. It’s not “I accept that we might not work out…so why even bother” It’s: “I accept that the future is unknown…so I’m choosing to invest and grow in this relationship right now.” The challenges and effort you’re struggling with - it may not be with the relationship but with OCD.

queued

Date posted: 18h

@CatGee but then how are you supposed to know what an actual relationship issues however normal it may be versus what is an OCD one? my brain views any mismatch of values or communication to be absolutely catastrophic and I know that’s an OCD thing. How do you deal with feeling that you may not be enough which is why they are not enough for you

CatGee

Date posted: 17h

@queued I wouldn’t focus so much on distinguishing is this legitimate or is it OCD… Accept that maybe this is a meaningful difference and maybe my OCD is magnifying it. I don’t need to figure that out right now. We can deal with the actual issue without solving the entire relationship when I am calm and centred. I know OCD ads urgency so if there’s an issue, I don’t decide if we should breakup or if one of us should change… I wait until we’re both doing okay and we can calmly discuss. Luckily my OCD is more clear to distinguish, I will obsess over things that don’t match my values so I can easily mark that as “ignore” but there have been times where there is a n actual problem… and OCD turns that from ‘let’s discuss’ into a ruminating fixation.

JustRell215

Date posted: 18h

Because you are fighting for the real you. OCD is a liar. It's not real, but your life with your partner is. OCD wants to take what's important to you away. Everything that you value in life it challenges. We will get through it one day at a time.

queued

Date posted: 18h

@JustRell215 because my brain keeps telling me that my relationship is broken and it needs to be fixed and I know that that is OCD, but I can’t shake the feeling but perhaps it’s right. It makes me nitpick on what he does and what he doesn’t do and if he does it correctly if he is understanding enough because I don’t know what is expected and what is normal

JustRell215

Date posted: 18h

@queued I get it. I deal with ROCD everyday as well. One thing I'll say is to hold on to what's true. Two years ago i can't begin to tell you how bad my intrusive thoughts were in my relationship. But overtime it got better. By sitting with my compulsions to ask questions, eventually it got better. Now I'm doing therapy and ERP and I'm able to sit with my compulsions a lot more. You can too!

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

In the same boat here. It’s scary. Hope we can work through it

queued

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous oh so i’m not crazy then lol

Anonymous

Date posted: 17h

I’ve been dealing with the same thoughts recently. You’re not alone! In those moments, I try my hardest to just say “sure, okay” to those thoughts and be present with my partner.

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