ROCD related to sex and attraction

I just started seeking therapy for my ROCD. It’s been really bad for the past month, but it’s gotten better since joining this platform. I’m struggling with attraction when it comes to my relationship. My most recent relationship before this one ended very badly, and a big part of the reason why it ended is because I lost attraction for my partner. I had no idea I had ROCD then, and I didn’t struggle nearly as much as I am now. But the breakup and guilt associated with it took a big toll on me. When I started dating my current girlfriend, I thought to myself, “she’s not attractive enough to be with for the rest of my life.” I had issues getting intimate the first time, but since then, we haven’t had any issues with it. We’ve been together for a little over a year now. Up to about a month ago, everything was great. I love being with her, she makes me a better person and makes me extremely happy. I don’t want to break up with her. But we’ve gone through a rough patch due to my struggles with ROCD. Before I even realized I had ROCD, I didn’t care about intrusive thoughts when it came to other girls. I would look at other girls, masturbate to the thought of other girls, and even imagine having sex with them when my girlfriend was standing right next to me. One day, I was looking at another girl at work and everything hit me at once: this isn’t okay. Everything I’ve been doing in my relationship (the intrusive thoughts) isn’t okay. I spiraled, had to leave work early, and told her so many details about how my intrusive thoughts and how my brain works that I thought she’d leave me. She didn’t leave me, but it has caused a rift in our relationship. And now every time I have an intrusive thought or a thought I’m anxious about, my compulsion is to tell her exactly what’s going on. I’ve stopped doing that now which has been a step in the right direction. But I still struggle with the intrusive thoughts, and I feel guilty about a lot of them. So that brings me to attraction. As I said, I’ve never had issues being intimate with her besides the very first time. She is much less experienced than me when it comes to sex, and her sex drive is lower than mine. There are very few, small things about her that are unattractive to me, as there are in every relationship. Because of my lack of care for my intensely sexual intrusive thoughts before I realized I had ROCD, what I told myself at the beginning of our relationship, and my loss of attraction for my last partner, I’m very scared the same thing will happen for my current girlfriend. I’m scared that deep down, I’m not actually attracted to her. I’m scared it will affect our sex life. It’s easy for me to tell myself that that’s not true, but I’m trying to not reassure myself. Living with the uncertainty of this is extremely scary as I don’t think that’s something I can fight through, and the last thing I want is to hurt my current girlfriend. I’m not looking for reassurance. My girlfriend and I made a rule that we wouldn’t discuss my ROCD anymore, and this is something that I would never confess, as I fear it would really hurt her. So I wouldn’t tell her this for a number of reasons. I’m just wondering if anyone else has gone through this same thought process. It’s a scary place to be, especially when the only things that have helped me cope are rationalizing and reassuring myself and confessing to my partner, both of which are counterproductive to battling my OCD.