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Yesterday, I went to the game with my boyfriend. Before we got there, I was annoyed because he wouldn’t let me pay. Once we got to the stadium, we talked and stuff, but honestly I felt bored .My boyfriend was still so cute to me, but I realized I would rather be home. I wasn’t bored of him; the game itself just wasn’t exciting to me anymore. Then I started wondering, “Why am I bored? Is this what relationships are supposed to look like?” Then the weather changed and there was a weather delay. Everyone went over to the side, and my boyfriend and I sat together in our corner. I remember looking at him and feeling a little off, like we were acting more like friends or best friends than a couple. I told myself it was fine, and when I touched his arm, that feeling went away.After the delay, we went to my house. I was already irritated because my boyfriend’s sister had gotten in trouble blaming him for something he didn’t do and he had gotten in trouble too. My dog was also constantly barking and wanting attention, which was annoying me even more. I felt bad afterward because I thought about how there had been another time when my boyfriend was upset and I naturally snuggled against him, and I wondered why I didn’t do that this time. I started thinking, “Do I even care?” and wondering if I was becoming desensitized.Later, my boyfriend and I went to the corner store together and I got a slushie. We walked around together, and it was good. I thought he was really cute, and I kept wishing I could feel that old romantic surge again when I look at him and think he’s so handsome. I was basically thinking, “Ugh, I want it back.” I miss the stronger feeling I used to get sometimes.At one point at the corner store, I also had a moment where I wondered, “Do I see myself with him? Do I?” and suddenly I felt really emotionally distant for that small moment. It scared me because I wondered what the distance meant. But I also remember being genuinely upset when we couldn’t get senior release together at the end of the day because our schedules only lined up in the morning. I was disappointed because I wanted that time with him. Later, when I was upset about it, I didn’t give him a kiss. Later, my boyfriend and I sat on my couch alone. He started kissing me, but my parents had gone outside, and I felt nervous and scared that they might walk back in. I noticed myself feeling like I was pushing away or moving away from his kisses. We kissed for a little while, but I realized i didn’t feel anything while we did that .While we were being affectionate, my brain suddenly brought up a random image involving a girl while touching his inner thigh. I immediately became worried and thought, “Wait, am I sexually into girls?” That interrupted the moment and made me start analyzing my feelings again.Afterward, I kept thinking about why I didn’t feel much during the kissing. I wondered if it meant I didn’t love my boyfriend’s kisses anymore or if my romantic feelings toward him were gone. At the same time, I still wanted my boyfriend around and didn’t want him to leave.Overall, the day felt confusing because my feelings weren’t one consistent emotion. I was bored at the game but not bored of my boyfriend. I was annoyed by different things. I sometimes felt distant or neutral, but I also wanted to be close to him, thought he was cute, wanted more time with him, and didn’t want him to leave. I miss the old romantic surges and wish I could access them more easily, but I still have moments of affection and connection with him.