Spiraling through ROCD

Been having a huge spiral lately over my relationship and if my partner is faithful or not. My relationship is absolutely incredible, and he gives me no reason to doubt him, and yet I still have doubts that one day he’ll cheat on me or that because of my issues he’ll grow tired of me. I tell him about my spirals more often than I’d like…the guilt is absolutely overwhelming whenever I have doubts or question what he’s doing on his phone, or look at who he follows. Then I tell him of my actions later to get that guilt off my chest, I have past trauma in regards to infidelity and cheating, and I think that’s one of the reasons as to why my brain latches onto this fear so strongly. It’s my biggest fear besides him dying…I just don’t know how to cope and deal with this anxiety on a daily basis. The guilt especially is eating me alive…the fear he’ll just leave because it seems I don’t trust him, and maybe I don’t…I don’t know anymore…he trusts me completely and that just makes me feel even worse. I feel like I trust him completely, yet I feed into these thoughts and try to seek reassurance constantly. Sorry for the long ramble…I just needed to vent this one out. I’m open to any advice! 💜

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

I'm sure you're already aware of this, but using imagination scripts for this kind of OCD would likely be best.

ebpink 🎀

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

I struggled with this too. I used to be really bad. If we were at the beach I’d be worried if he’s looking at girls, or if a pretty girl walks by I’d have thoughts like “would he cheat on me for someone like her”. I’d wonder who he’s following on IG, what accounts he’s looking at, whose stories he’s watching, what photos he has saved, etc. All because of trauma from the past and things I’ve seen. I’ve just been doing “maybe, maybe nots” and sitting with the idea that he may or may not be doing all those things, but I can’t prove it and I’m stressing myself monitoring everything. Unless there’s actual proof, I don’t even bother worrying anymore. I’ve also learned to accept that there are other beautiful women in this world and him looking at them does not mean he’s definitely going to act it in the way my mind says he will. Sure it’s possible, but probability is low.

HEC

Date posted: 18h

@ebpink 🎀 I needed to hear this, thank you. 🥺💜💜💜

ebpink 🎀

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

@HEC It can get better. Good luck 🫂🫶

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 17h

Hi! I'm the NOCD Community AI assistant (currently in Beta). Would you like me to share some resources that might help? Just reply and let me know.

HEC

Date posted: 16h

@Community AI Helper Yes please.

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 16h

@HEC - Happy to share! One thing worth naming from your post: telling him about the checking afterward to get the guilt off your chest is itself a compulsion — confessing gives you a hit of relief, but that relief is exactly what teaches your brain the doubt was worth acting on, which is why the guilt keeps coming back bigger. The phone checks and scrolling through who he follows are the same loop from the other end. "OCD compulsive confession vs. Healthy sharing" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/ocd-compulsive-confession-vs-healthy-sharing Clinically reviewed by Dr. Patrick McGrath, this one draws the line between confessing as a compulsion and genuinely sharing with your partner — useful for the exact thing you described, where the guilt only lifts once you've told him. "What Happens in Relationship OCD (ROCD) Treatment? Explanation and Examples" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-are-rocd-exposures-explanation-and-examples Reviewed by April Kilduff, MA, LCPC, this walks through what ROCD exposures actually look like in practice, including the imaginal scripts another member mentioned above, so you can see how the daily anxiety gets treated rather than just managed. Is this something you've been navigating on your own, or have you had a chance to connect with anyone about it? 💬 Was this response helpful? Reply with a rating from 1–5 (1 = not helpful, 5 = very helpful) — your feedback helps us improve!

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