germ ocd is making me want to give up my new cat

hi everyone, i really need help. i think i’ve developed contamination ocd with my new apartment and cat. what started off as little rituals to feel fresh in my new place has seemed to devolve into compulsions and intrusive thoughts. i also got a new cat after my roommate’s childhood dog passed (we had her for a few months before she passed) and i really love her but i think i’m getting so frustrated that i don’t feel like she’s clean enough. it came to a head yesterday, when i saw a really big bug and had an absolute meltdown about it. i have a horrible phobia around insects and i could not think straight with how terrified and unsafe and unclean it felt. today i saw something crawling on my cat’s fur and while i tried to catch it i couldn’t. it didn’t look like a flea, we don’t have another animals, already gave her a bath after she she was adopted from her shelter, and has flea medication, so idk what it was but now i’m locked in my bathroom trying not to tear my hair out with my things in the washer at 1:30am debating on leaving my apartment and going home. i hate feeling like this and i feel so guilty for even thinking that maybe her best option is going back to the shelter because i adore her so much already but i’m also standing in my bathroom trying not to deep clean my entire apartment at 1:30am because of how it feels like she’s not clean even thought i deep clean once a week and clean regularly daily. please help i feel so lost right now

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User type: Staff

Date posted: Yesterday

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flameeesauceee

Date posted: 23h

You’re safe & clean. Do you have kitty wipes for her? Maybe that would help feel like she’s fresher as long as it can stay a tool & not a compulsion?

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

Hey, I don't want to give you unhelpful reassurances right now, but you should hear thst although it feels horribly difficult right now, you're actually stronger than you realize - and OCD is weaker than you realize right now too. If you feel at all able, hold on to that beautiful little furry rescue lady you just saved from the shelter ❤ Let her motivate you all the harder to stand up to the OCD bully and reject its false suggestions. The more you stand up to it, the more you will see its threats are hollow and its dangers unreal. I promise you, as someone who's a real 'cat lady', OCD's fears about her cleanliness are worse than the reality. We all already know cats are one of the cleanest animals to have around, and many (like mine!) are very fastidious about their litter boxes being nicely maintained, their feet being properly washed etc. Fearing that you saw something crawling in her fur could've been panic driving you to see things, or a harmless bit of fluff, or maybe a harmless fruitfly or such perched on her for a moment before leaving out a window. Since you've already taken reasonable precautions against a flea infestation, there's no need to go into a spiral re-checking that element. Are there even just one or two small steps you could take today, to fight back against the OCD and tell it who's boss? I know it might feel like too much to just let the new cat run free all over your property, but could you sit with her a little in a specific spot that you're worried is 'contaminated', even for a short while by the clock or using a timer on your phone, and just try to play with her or do some kind of pleasant activity nearby? If you can't face doing it without laundering/showering afterward, could you delay the urge by a few minutes and practice sitting with the discomfort until it drops (maybe from like a 7/10 to a 4/10 or such)? Remember: tolerating the FEELING of uncertainty isn't the same as 'accepting anything anytime anywhere could happen' 🤪🤪🤪! You're describing a situation with a perfectly normal-sounding, tolerably hygienic cat there, so this feeling of extreme unknowable danger IS just a feeling.

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