Small spiral this morning.

@titaniumonetwo It’s definitely telling me to either bring it up, ask him what he was looking at, or to ask him if I can go through his phone. Making this post is kinda my first attempt to make myself feel better over the situation. I’m just not sure if that in and of itself makes it a compulsion.

@HEC It's not a healthy situation to go through his phone and stuff. Has he ever given you any significant reason to not trust him? Also with OCD it won't help, maybe for a few mins and then "but what if he deleted it? What if it's hidden? What if he now hates me because I asked...."

@titaniumonetwo He hasn’t given me any real reason other than physically moving his phone away from my line of sight sometimes. Though this is relatively rare. I myself have done the same too instinctually. I’ve talked to him about this before and he just said that it was just an instinct due to the fact that’s his privacy. Nothing more. He is an amazing partner, shows me love, seems head over heels, he’s a very smart man. It’s just little things like that, that make my spirals appear, I fear the worst. I’m not sure if I should tell him what triggers me or not, in fear that itself is a compulsion.

@HEC Do you have a therapist? It feels like there could be some good exposures here, probably some you could get your boyfriend involved in. Perhaps he could deliberately hide his phone from you. Perhaps he could send a message and put his phone away quickly when you're in the room. You might find that having him involved makes it easier for both of you and he could learn helpful responses too.

@titaniumonetwo I do not currently have a therapist, no. The ones on here unfortunately don’t take my insurance, even though I would like to try it out. My boyfriend is incredibly supportive even though this topic of course upsets him. He never gets angry, but of course it doesn’t feel good for him that these doubts pop up for me, cause for him he never even questions what I do on my phone. He trusts me completely, and I trust him, besides these specific moments of course. I would be more concerned if he replied in an angry manner, but he never does. He’s the absolute sweetest and it just makes me feel like I’m letting him down. He doesn’t offer to have me go through his phone, but if I ever grab his phone to check the time or to try and log in for something specific he never seems anxious or freaked out that I’m on it. We watch videos and reels together on his phone, and I’ve never seen anything weird pop up on his homepage. He just swaps through stuff or deletes pop ups really quickly. I just feel awful…I seriously appreciate you replying to all this btw, I know it’s a lot.

@Anonymous If it’s true that he was in fact talking to another woman in that kind of way, and you saw that with your own eyes. I would try my best to move on. Cheaters in my opinion, don’t deserve second chances. You deserve better if he cheated on you and you know that for a fact. I hope things get better for you!

@Anonymous It was his decision to cheat, and that has nothing to do with you as a person! Your value is not at all tied to a mans own decision to betray you.

@Community AI Helper Yes

@HEC - Happy to share! One thing worth naming first: checking his phone without him knowing is doing the same job as asking him directly — both are compulsions, and covert checking often feels "safer" because it avoids the conversation, which is exactly why it tends to escalate. The relief it gives lasts minutes, and then the doubt comes back stronger, which is the cycle these resources get into. "What Happens in Relationship OCD (ROCD) Treatment? Explanation and Examples" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-are-rocd-exposures-explanation-and-examples Clinically reviewed by April Kilduff, MA, LCPC, this walks through what ERP actually looks like for ROCD, including imaginal exposures for exactly the fear you described — sitting with the possibility that you can't know for certain what he was doing, without checking or asking. "Steps To Break the Reassurance-Seeking Pattern" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/steps-to-break-the-reassurance-seeking-pattern Gives you three questions to ask yourself in the moment to tell whether an urge is a real need for information or OCD demanding certainty — useful for the "should I bring it up or not" decision you were stuck on this morning. "Is Prozac (fluoxetine) effective for OCD?" https://www.treatmyocd.com/medication/posts/everything-you-need-to-know-about-using-prozac-fluoxetine-for-ocd Clinically reviewed by Dr. Jamie Feusner, NOCD's Chief Medical Officer, this explains that fluoxetine can take six to twelve weeks to work for OCD and that OCD usually needs higher doses than depression or anxiety — so one week at 20mg without results is expected, not a sign it's failing. Are you working with a therapist who specializes in OCD and ERP specifically, or is the medication the main thing you have going right now? 💬 Was this response helpful? Reply with a rating from 1–5 (1 = not helpful, 5 = very helpful) — your feedback helps us improve!