I can’t take this anymore

Yesterday I had several confusing experiences involving sexual sensations and intrusive thoughts. At one point, something triggered a physical sensation, and my brain immediately started asking whether it meant I wanted to experience something with a girl or whether my sexual desire had changed. Instead of letting the sensation pass, I intentionally created replayed a thought to see what would happen. The thought became more vivid and the physical sensation became stronger, which made me anxious and made the experience feel very real, almost like a daydream I was experiencing rather than just imagining.I repeated the thought and then compared the experience with thoughts involving a boyfriend, trying to figure out whether my reactions were different. Later, I noticed other sensations and my brain connected them back to the earlier experience. I also noticed the “dream feeling” I had experienced before, and I became focused on why it had appeared, disappeared, and whether I could experience it again. With my boyfriend, I also noticed a swallow sensation that my brain questioned as possibly being a sexual feeling. Then I started comparing that sensation with sensations I had experienced during the girl-related thoughts and wondering whether my feelings toward him were muted. The biggest thing I noticed was that I wasn’t just having thoughts or sensations they became a test. I kept asking what the sensation meant, deliberately recreating thoughts, comparing reactions, and checking whether something felt vivid, real, exciting, uncomfortable, or absent. Each time I checked, I became more confused. I want help understanding why deliberately forcing replaying thoughts can make sensations or imagery feel so convincing and why my brain keeps treating those experiences as evidence about my actual desires.

Anonymous

Date posted: 21h

I'm an OCD Conqueror. tbh his is ocd trap. Learn about the patterns. Groinal Responses including any discharge from the body is completely normal. It's a normal biological response to brain unwelcome thoughts. So chill and take care of yourself

titaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21h

The testing is a compulsion. I find compulsions confusing because when you read about it you often hear compulsion == something that makes you feel better but at least for me it isn't always that way. It would be more compulsion == something I do as a result of the thoughts, usually they have an intention of feeling better but quite often they don't make me feel better, even for a small period of time, yet I still do them _seeking_ to feel better. In your case it looks like what happened was something like trigger "Do I want to experience something with a girl", brain fires 🚒🚒🚒🚒, you go effectively "how do I prove there is no danger?" Compulsion: "Check, what did I feel, sense etc". Brain "AAAAAGH we felt the wrong thing 🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒", Compulsion: "Check, what if I think about my boyfriend"... "Felt something... but maybe not enough 🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒🚒". Your brain is misfiring the danger signals and then you're trying to logically answer them, but OCD doesn't operate at the logic level it just keeps firing. The answer to tell your brain is really "maybe you do want to try something" or even "yep sure, I'm going to become a lesbian one day" or whatever the exact concern is, that way, over time, you teach your brain that there isn't a danger that needs to be reacted to immediately now! The part of your brain that is firing is the part that should be firing for there is a literal fire I need to get out NOW. Not the part that should fire because you saw Sydney Sweeney and thought she was hot.

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