Hey all, first time poster here. I’ve been with my bf for about 3 months. We’ve never had a real conflict. Recently something came up that has really bothered me, and I’m very anxious to ask him about it because it could instigate an argument. My ocd will not shut up.
Is this something that is a big deal? Or something little? My gut says ask him. I understand the anxiety around doing so, but if it is something that bothers you - he isn’t going to be able to read your mind to know that it bothers you. Repeated offenses can lead to other problems as well. Early on in my relationship, I chose to be quiet. Luckily, my hubby is an empath and picked up on all sorts of hidden messages underneath my actions/words. He finally got me to the point I was comfortable to communicate my feelings and it is so much better to be with someone you can talk to without fear. Not that we don’t argue… but there wasn’t fear when we argue. He even helps me through my relationship spirals when they happen. Cause after almost a decade and two kids, he really isn’t going anywhere. But those thoughts still creep in.
@tagamble11 That’s so amazing, I’m so glad you have a husband that understands you. You’re definitely right, I need to talk to him. I think he might have feelings for someone else, is the issue. I don’t doubt he has feelings for me as well, but he mentions a friend of his a lot, every time we hang out, and it makes me very uncomfortable but somehow he never notices. So I’m worried it would be a big problem to ask about it. Any tips of how to approach such a scary topic?
@Daisyhead02 I think it’s important to write down the facts with something like this. Even after almost a decade together, I still fear my husband doesn’t love me (which I know is ridiculous but doesn’t help in the moment of a spiral). It helps me then and even now to write down what the issue is and how it makes me feel. This will allow me to piece out if it’s my own spiral or if there is any truth to it. If I need further clarity, I discuss with my husband about what his action was and how it made me feel to open the dialogue. In your case, what about it makes you uncomfortable. Is it the words he said? His tone? Is it an insecurity from a previous relationship that has you paranoid it’s happening again? (usually my issue) Write down how it makes you feel. “I get [feeling] when you mention [friend] because …” and then see how he reacts. I usually preface hard topics like this with a “I need a reality check” or “can I run a looped thought I cannot shake by you” approach. Especially if he is aware of your OCD. If he isn’t aware, maybe start there first. If he cannot understand your OCD, you might need professional tools to help with the communication bit (my first session with a NOCD therapist is on Wednesday) I hope this helps.
@tagamble11 Oh my GOSH I needed to see this. I've been having similar intrusive thoughts about my husband, and every time one tiny thing comes up, my panic has been spiking lately, so thank you!
I’m so happy to hear you are starting therapy too! I’ve been seeing a NOCD specialist for about a month now and it’s amazing. Thank you for the advice as well!!
@Daisyhead02 I cannot wait to have relief…
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