Is this a severe ROCD burnout or have I just checked out of my relationship?

I’ve had this constant thought lately. I feel and think that we aren’t good together anymore, that this relationship is bound to end. I don’t know if I even want to put effort into it, but it feels like a no. It feels like I’m only with him just to be in a relationship and have someone, but deep down, I actually resent him and don't enjoy spending time with him. Right now, if I look at how I feel, it’s true that I never want to see him. In fact, just knowing I have to meet up with him almost annoys me. Then I feel a bit guilty because he has done absolutely nothing to deserve this from me. I don’t want to see him, and when I do, I feel distant. I try to slowly touch him, hold his arm or his hand, just to prove to myself that we are still a couple. Because if I don’t touch him, if I don’t want him near me, or if I distance myself with my body language, it feels like a confirmation that I don’t want to be with him. I feel so closed off, like I can’t open up the way I used to. We sleep together, but before deciding whether he should stay over or not, I think about all these bad vibes, so logically, I don’t feel like it anymore. Then, those times he does stay over, I don’t feel like touching him—I just want to be left alone. This also makes me question things, as if my body has already checked out. It probably doesn’t feel safe anymore, I don’t know. If I have to invite him somewhere with my friends or do things together, I just don’t want to. All my automatic behaviors, my thoughts, and my feelings lead me to the conclusion that I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. And it really seems that way, so all that’s left is to make the final choice. But I never do. I get so close to it, but I never actually make the move. I don’t know if it’s just the ROCD burning me out to the point where I’m completely disconnected, or if I need to change something in the relationship to feel better, or if my needs (which I don’t even know) aren’t being met, or if I just straight up don’t want to be with him anymore. The last option always feels like the most plausible one. It’s not that I’m anxious, because I don't feel anxiety when I think about breaking up with him; I just feel sad, for him and for myself. Sometimes I think there might still be a glimmer of hope to turn things around, but I don’t know what could change because nothing is ever good enough for me. Sometimes I tell him, 'Why aren’t you as affectionate as you used to be?' but then he cuddles me and it triggers me anyway, because I don’t want to be cuddled. This makes it impossible to understand what I actually want, leaving me even more confused. It feels like I’m leading him on and lying to myself. I often think and believe that I have deeper issues, like attachment issues, or some form of manipulation, or that I’m taking advantage of him and using the relationship just to numb that sense of loneliness I feel when I’m by myself, since I’ve always been single. It’s like I just wanted a boyfriend, I got one, and now it's over, mission accomplished. But it doesn't end there, and that shouldn't be the reason to get into a relationship, even if it happens unconsciously. I want to want him, he’s so prescious, kind, he tries to stick with me even when i tell him i don’t understand myself. I don’t know if right know i’m just questioning too much if i want to see him or not, if i truly want to continue this relationship or not, if i feel happy, if i enjoy his company and stuff like that. I just feel miserable and i compare the way i act with him and with my friends and family, and the way they make me feel and how much i care for them. I just know deep down i do care about him, i would never hurt him intentionally. But i keep asking myself if i want to keep being this miserable or not. I see that i feel so powerless and strange when i’m with him, and i don’t feel the connection or the love or good feelings when i’m with him and that’s probably why most of the time i maybe don’t want to hang out with him. I don’t know what to do anymore, i know breaking up is the ultimate compulsio but i also feel like i need to get to the root of it, i need to understand what i actually want to do before making a decision and it always feels like i don’t care anymore, i don’t want to put in the effort anymore and i’m just fed up and don’t know how to change things. We were doing so good until we weren’t. I just feel like shit all the time, without energy when i’m with him. I tried ERP but i genuinely can‘t do it. It seems like it doesn’t work for me, and also saying maybe yes maybe no or also accepting it might be like i don’t love him at all and it’s true we have to take separate ways, i just end up convincing myself about it and take it as the truth. Have you experienced something similar? how do you get through this? i want to feel secure and at peace again