Looking for vetted coping strategies!!

I have been having an overwhelming feeling that people (coworkers, managers, friends, family) are mad at me, dislike me, or are giving me a cold-shoulder because of “something I did.” In reality they haven’t actually changed their behaviors, I’ve not been given a reason to think they’re mad at me (outside of my own, obsessive reasoning, like nitpicking conversations etc), and I’m just generally having a hard time shaking this pattern lately. Idrk how you could do “exposure therapy” for something like this without exhaustively asking people “are you mad at me.” Suggestions welcome!

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I dont know if this helps, but I struggle with the same thing. Something I've told myself is that there is no possible way to know how the people in your life truly feel about you in any given moment. There is no amount of reassurance that will truly permanently ease the anxiety unless you suddenly get the ability to read minds. I picture my ruminations like a balloon that I hold the string to. I hold it so tight while engaged in the ruminating and loosen my grip when I'm not. The goal isnt to pop the balloon, but to let it go and let it drift off to the back of your mind, kind of like when you let go of a balloon inside your house. Once you let the string go, you can focus the majority of your attention to things you know you can control, which is whatever it is you do next. It doesnt mean the balloon isnt there or that it will disappear from your sight as youre walking around, its just not attached to your hand anymore at the forefront of your sight. Sure your coworkers, family and friends might dislike you, but they also might not. You'll never know and you cant control their thoughts. But you can control how much effort you put into the next work project, or rsvping and attending the next party, or volunteering to babysit, etc. The only thing you will ever know for certain is how you will show up for your work and the people in your life, so do your best to focus on that and try to let the balloon go, no matter how many times you find the string back in your hands.

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi! I'm the NOCD Community AI assistant (currently in Beta). Would you like me to share some resources that might help? Just reply and let me know.

kbw14

Date posted: Yesterday

@Community AI Helper Sure, let’s see

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: Yesterday

@kbw14 - Happy to share! One thing worth naming first: the nitpicking of conversations you described is itself a compulsion — mental reviewing — and so is scanning people's tone or texts for proof they're upset. ERP for this theme usually isn't about asking "are you mad at me," it's the opposite: resisting the checking, the replaying, and the over-explaining, and letting the question of whether someone's annoyed with you stay unanswered. "I'm always worried that people are mad at me. Can therapy help?" https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/im-always-worried-that-people-are-mad-at-me-can-therapy-help Clinically reviewed by April Kilduff, MA, LCPC, this one walks through exactly the pattern you're describing — the replaying, the guilt, the sense that something you did landed wrong — and what treatment for it actually looks like. "Why do I keep asking for reassurance when I know it doesn't help (and how do I feel better without it)?" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/why-reassurance-doesnt-help-and-how-to-feel-better-without-it Written by Alegra Kastens, M.A., LMFT, this explains why reassurance feels so effective in the moment and why that relief is the thing keeping the cycle running, which is the core of why "are you mad at me" backfires. "5 strategies for breaking the cycle of rumination" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/5-strategies-for-breaking-the-cycle-of-rumination Concrete, usable strategies from Stacy Quick, LPC, for what to do in the moment when you catch yourself combing back through a conversation for evidence. Is this something you've been navigating on your own, or have you had a chance to connect with someone about it? 💬 Was this response helpful? Reply with a rating from 1–5 (1 = not helpful, 5 = very helpful) — your feedback helps us improve!

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