Im genuinely a bad person and gf

Hi everyone, I really need to vent and maybe get some advice on how to handle a tough conversation with my boyfriend tonight. I feel sick to my stomach and can’t stop crying. For a long time, I wanted cats. Recently, I found two beautiful kittens at a shelter and impulsively started planning the adoption. My boyfriend was initially hesitant, but i convinced him and he finally agreed and got super excited about them. We even planned for me to take a 5-day vacation to settle them in. But as the reality set in, my anxiety spiraled. I sat down today and did the math. Our financial situation is tight. This month, I only have a €50 buffer because I urgently need to buy winter tires for my car. I’m also still paying off my car loan. If we get these kittens, the high-quality food, litter, and insurance will add up to around €300 a month (€150 each). When we looked at apartments recently, we agreed that even €50 more a month would be too much for us. Plus, we want to save tens of thousands for a down payment on a home in the future. I can only save about €100 a month right now. I’m also terrified I’ll become an overprotective, stressed-out "helicopter mom" and that the cats might like him more, causing tension between us. I know I messed up by being so impulsive. I love him, and I want a future with him. We live together for two years, and I even want to move in his house with him fully next year, which would ease our financial burdens, and then we could get cats as a stable team. But right now, it’s a terrible idea. I’ve written a long, honest message explaining the financial facts and my fears, and I plan to talk to him tonight. He said once that hed be mad if i dont want them and hate me a little (jokingly, but i do take that Serious.) He is currently being sweet, offering to do the grocery shopping, and mentioned he has a sore throat, so he has no clue what's coming, though I told him we have to talk tonight about the cats. I am absolutely terrified that he will hate and despise me for ruining his excitement and backing out at the last second. I feel so guilty and made an emergency therapy appintment.

phoenix47

Date posted: 20h

You've thought this through logically and have decided getting the cats is not a wise decision for you financially and mentally. You kept your health, your future goals, and your current relationship a priority with this decision. It actually shows a lot of maturity to he able to admit you were perhaps being a little impulsive at first but that with careful consideration you have changed your mind. If he hates you for "ruining his excitement," that shows more about him than it does you. You are kind to be mindful of how your actions might affect him, but honey you are not responsible for managing his emotions.

annxiety666

Date posted: 20h

thank you, and realistically, He wont hate me, but ocd brains are .. Well yk lol

annxiety666

Date posted: 14h

Update..We talked; he was visibly disappointed but didn't raise his voice—just sad and let down. He said he understood my points—that it would have been financially feasible—but I reiterated that if it doesn't work for one of us and the other person (who earns the same amount) ends up footing the bill for an extra X euros a month, it’s not a good idea. He mentioned he’d already set his mind on it, and now I have to cancel with the animal shelter. I apologized several times, and he just said, "No, it's fine." I also told him that if he has any thoughts on the matter, he’s welcome to talk to me. Normal people would just think it over and consider the issue settled, but I’m stuck thinking: "He’s lying; nothing is fine," "It’s all going to fall apart in three days when he realizes I’m just an insecure idiot," "I can never fix this."

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