I feel shameful for things I did in college 7 years ago. I’m getting married in two months, and want to confess to my partner things I did in college from my intimate past (before I was dating him). It’s things from my intimate past that I keep thinking “my fiance would hate knowing this about me. I can’t believe I did that) This is a horrible feeling. Should I confess? I feel like he doesn’t know the “real” me from these things…
Anonymous, first I wanna say that I am sorry you’re feeling this way. I, too, have been having memories from my past pop up recently and it has been so distressing. I get it. Do you want to confess because you feel guilty or do you feel like you want to share with him because it’s something he would want to know about you? Would the info impact your relationship with him now? Is it something he has ever asked you about? Just some things to consider as you work through the urge to confess.
@Anonymous Thank you so much. It is so distressing and not fun at all. It would not benefit my relationship, and would only upset my fiance. It’s not something they would ever want to know. I feel like he needs to know the “real me” before we marry
@Anonymous 11 What makes you think it would upset him? Have you been able to share deep feelings/fears with him before? And if so, how did he respond? I’m not sure if the urge to confess in this case is OCD related or if it indicates a lack of emotional safety and vulnerability in the relationship. Of course, I don’t know, and my intention isn’t to judge but everyone deserves to be with someone who will love and accept them unconditionally regardless of the past. I hope that ends up being the case for you.
@Anonymous Yes 1000%! They are the best thing to ever happen to me and knows everything about me. This would be regarding a past hook up. So he wouldn’t want to know
I truly believe that being honest about your mental health and your feelings about this will strengthen your relationship if you are with the right partner. Think about it, do you want to be with someone for life that you cannot open up to? Or would you rather know their reaction to your vulnerability before spending the rest of your life with them? I hope things work out in your favor. Be honest. It’s worth it.
@nocdC28 I just have a confession compulsion… I know it will bother my fiance because it’s about me being with other people.
you answered your own question. "its not something they'd ever want to know". i confessed and confessed to the first love of my life. my thought process was exact same as yours. We play roles in this life, be brave be strong and dont make your illness a hardship on your partners mental. it feels like your doing the right thing by confessing, but really it is selfish. i don't mean that as an attack at all. But what i did and the things i said ruined the most beautiful connection ive ever felt to date. i needed them to hate me as much as i hated myself. I wanted to be seen and hated more then i wanted to ommit things and feel a love that was "disingenuous". But your not telling the truth of your character by dumbing all of your negative traits all at once, you're imposing your distorted vision of yourself onto someone who likely has a clearer understanding of who you truly are as a person, than you do. Relationship ocd is so hard. please don't make my mistake❤️ idk you but i wish the absolute best for you. everyone does regrettable things and the fact that you regret it at all says a lot abt ur character.
dumbing=dumping
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