Asymmetrical Dating Histories

@Community AI Helper Sure!

@Culottes - Happy to share! One thing worth naming before the links: the mental comparing you described — the intrusive images, measuring your history against his, replaying what you wish you'd done differently — functions as a compulsion rather than as processing, and so does the beating-yourself-up. It feels like you're working toward resolution, but each round teaches your brain that the regret is an emergency that has to be solved, which is exactly what keeps bringing it back. "What is retroactive jealousy, and how can I handle it?" https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/retroactive-jealousy-in-relationships-is-it-ocd Covers the specific version you're describing, where the distress sits with his sexual past rather than romantic jealousy, and how ERP targets the comparing, checking, and reassurance-seeking that keep the discomfort cycling. "How to deal with shame and self-criticism from OCD" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-shame-and-self-criticism-from-ocd Speaks to the part you named about obsessing over regret and turning it on yourself, and why self-punishment about the past tends to strengthen the obsession instead of closing it out. Something you can use today: when the regret thought shows up, try naming it ("there's the regret") and letting it stay unresolved instead of arguing with it or rehearsing what you should have done differently. The urge to settle it usually peaks and drops on its own when you stop feeding it, though that's genuinely hard to do consistently without an OCD-specialized therapist helping you build the skill. Are you working with a therapist who specializes in OCD specifically, or more of a general therapist? 💬 Was this response helpful? Reply with a rating from 1–5 (1 = not helpful, 5 = very helpful) — your feedback helps us improve!