ROCD and Health OCD

18+ So me and my bf have been trying to attempt sex. For context, we are both virgins and I have never done anything or inserted anything in me. The first time we attempt he wasn’t turned on and it just didn’t work so we took a break for a few weeks trying other things so the next time is more relaxed especially because it was a huge thing for me to want to do it because it’s my first time and very special for me but I realized how much I really want to have that experience with him. Well yesterday we tried again and it couldn’t go in and it was SOO painful and of course I googled and talked to ChatGPT and it kept saying “it’s not supposed to hurt” which of course disappointed me a lot and then triggered my ocd. Then I’ve seen many suggestions on making a gynecologist appointment but I’ve like never done anything like this before so it’s all so new and scary and kinda embarrassing for me and I’m also soo afraid that if it is a diagnosis is there something wrong with me? Why can I enjoy and have sex like normal people? And then I spiral into thinking my bf deserves someone who doesn’t have all these problems and honestly I’m experiencing soo much anxiety and I don’t know what to do and on top of that it was soo embarrassing ☹️

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

Hi so I would recommend doing deep belly breathing and pelvic floor exercises you can also do pelvis massages as well you or your boyfriend can do to you and it will help loosen your muscle a lot and let you relax and it kinda tells your brain that you are okay if that makes sense. I hope this helps

EvolvingJay

Date posted: 18h

Not a therapist but that situation is more common than you might realize on peoples first time. There is nothing wrong with either of you. It may however be a sign that you are trying to force a moment that is not yet ready to happen naturally. Consider if you two really are ready for that step.

mxratxm

Date posted: 17h

@EvolvingJay How do you know, I felt ready in the moment but second try is really discouraging me and I know it’s something that I really want at least with him

EvolvingJay

Date posted: 17h

@mxratxm I don’t know. My point is only you two can really know and if you are stressing the situation it might be a good idea to question if it’s the right time. Do what you feel is right.

Anon..

Date posted: 16h

I'm sorry you're going through this, as it sounds very overwhelming and scary. I promise you that there is no such thing as "normal" when it comes to sex, ESPECIALLY for people's first time. Pain, anxiety, fears, all those icky emotions are not unusual. Sex is a really really vulnerable, messy, awkward, and frankly weird thing. The most important thing of all is whether you feel safe and want to do, and same for him. If you're both consenting and trust each other, then well done, as this is the most important piece of the puzzle. You sound very mature and smart about it anyways. PLEASE STOP LOOKING THESE THINGS UP - THE INTERNET WILL NOT HELP YOUR SEXUAL ANXIETIES. Trust me, I wish I had never looked up things about sex etc on the internet (forums, reddit, etc...) when I was younger - it put some seriously wrong and harmful expectations in my head. ChatGPT won't help either - that guy has literally never even had sex once. If you trust him and feel safe, then that is all that matters, full stop. Also, talk about it with him please, if you can. It doesn't have to be serious or a big deal. You don't have to say everything you're dealing with and confess loads or say what you've Googled, or whatever your OCD might tell you to do. All you have to do is tell him that you want to have sex with him but also that you have anxieties and fears about it, and that it's not his fault nor does it diminish your attraction for him. Talking about these things is so important as it will help build a trusting, consensual relationship where you understand each other a bit more. Don't rush or put pressure on yourself, you have so much time and opportunity in the future to learn and grow in this manner. Best of luck!

mxratxm

Date posted: 14h

@Anon.. Thank you soo much for your advice! Honestly can’t imagine myself doing it with anyone other than him because he’s soo patient and so reassuring and respectful I know it’s probably nerves and first time things I just wish I had more information and experiences similar to mines it feels sooo lonesome when everyone around makes it seems so easy and fun and the best thing ever lol we’re both not overly sexual people so it’s a new experience to him, and I will definitely have that conversation with him, and it’s definitely vulnerable and ugh I always fall into the internet loop hole for all my fears by now I know it just makes it worse 😩 but this has really helped my anxiety calm down now thank you 🫶🏾

Anon..

Date posted: 13h

@mxratxm No problem, take care!

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