Major set back

I was almost two months free of all of this and was doing very well and had something so silly like my blood pressure slightly starting to creep up after we trialed getting off of it trigger a massive panic attack that it’s now bringing on a trickle effect of panic and anxiety attacks. I haven’t even slept all night and I just jerk awake when I try to sleep today.. I feel so defeated and so sad, I just want to scream and cry. Why me. Why again. I’m also back to the stupid compulsions of constantly checking my blood pressure all day long every day since.. googling symptoms.. waiting for the next panic/anxiety attack.. I didn’t want to go back to these compulsions.. I’m trying to hold onto my faith so much. I could use encouragement or prayers or helpful tips please.

Anonymous0047

Date posted: 16h

I’m familiar with where you are at. I have long periods of time where my OCD and anxiety can be very dormant, but then something can happen, an unexpected trigger, and it all comes back. I think we have to remember OCD and anxiety is a part of who we are, and we will likely always have some degree of struggle with it. I have found just knowing that, maybe I feel great at this time, there will come a time where I’m not in a good place again, but just like every other time, it will eventually pass. You have been here before and you can do this. I equate it to catching the flu or a bad cold it really sucks, but I will come out the other side.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15h

I was checking my blood pressure last night too. lol I know enough to realize it’s only heightening the anxiety, but my ocd says you need to know how irresponsible then my trauma says, it’s happening that bad thing we have been afraid of is here. It’s sad and exhausting. Obviously the stress, anxiety and lack of sleep make your blood pressure go up. I feel like my safety is linked to strongly to be healthy all the time. I am trying really hard to surrender it to God. To take every word captive and believe his promises. My best advice it pray when you are trying to delay a compulsion. Always happy to connect and help when you are spiraling.

heavensftw

Date posted: 13h

@Anonymous Yes oh my gosh yes!! Because I was literally fine before I got that one slight elevated reading.. it wasn’t even like crisis or ER level.. and I know what I need to do to get it back to a healthy level, but now my OCD and anxiety are fighting each other and making it stay up.. it’s exhausting and embarrassing and just not a way to live. Can you share how you have been surrendering? I’ve tried so much to surrender, and I felt like He freed me and now I’m back here. I’ve been trying to fight the urge to check it again all day but the thought to check it just stays in my mind, it’s annoying! Im so tired. I wouldn’t mind connecting

PricingIt

Date posted: 14h

Hello! So I have dealt with this my entire life. I was born with a congenital heart problem and blood pressure and everything to do with the heart has been of concern for me for a very very very long time. I get it, it's super scary to navigate. What you should know is that you are still living and here! Look at the facts! Even with high blood pressure you are still alive and have been alive for months living with high blood pressure! Take a deep breath and remind yourself of that. Unfortunately thinking about your blood pressure increases it lol so I get that 100%.

heavensftw

Date posted: 13h

@PricingIt Thank you so very much. I also feel like it’s my fault that my blood pressures are so high again… which kind of is. My numbers were so good and they allowed me to trial getting off. They stayed good and then slowly elevated this last week. I know my weight is a huge cause so like I can’t stop thinking I put myself in a position to fail, now I feel guilty and I’m beating myself up about having to go back on them.. and now the anxiety and ocd of it all. I’ve always had anxiety when it comes to anything cardio related. I also have a really annoying sinus arrhythmia and jumping/flutters that don’t help. I know my heart is healthy because I’ve had several different tests this last month.. then I can’t help but wonder (que the what ifs) what if they missed something or they are lying and not telling me the truth, what if there is another test I need to do.. How do I stop checking my pulse and BP and worrying about every flutter? May I ask how you do it? I’m so sorry you have a real heart problem, now I feel silly for even complaining or having my anxiety about it.

PricingIt

Date posted: 11h

@heavensftw Heart palpitations and arrhythmia SUCKS! I know it’s hard to accept in the moment but I think the best thing for you is to let go of the control and accept uncertainty! Your doctors are professionals and they know what is best for you. You also should know that your mind and heart are connected. I find that the more and more I think about it, the more common a palpitation occurs. That’s because your stress and anxiety in itself is causing them! Whenever you get the urge to check your pulse or BP, take a breath and really think about what the results are going to show you. You might think that they are going to show you if you are healthy or not, but in reality you’re really just showing yourself the continuation of the OCD cycle.

heavensftw

Date posted: 8h

@PricingIt Thank you so very much. I truly appreciate you.

heavensftw

Date posted: 15h

It really really sucks!… hoping and praying this will be a short ride and not months long again.. What else helps you?

Anonymous0047

Date posted: 5h

@heavensftw It also happens that I struggle a lot with going in for regular checkups because of getting my blood pressure checked etc… one thing that has helped me is kind of an exposure of checking it myself once a day. I started doing this at the Dr’s request because I would go in and always have an elevated reading, but we suspect it was anxiety and it was. After testing at home for several weeks, the reading normalized. Also running and meditation helped a bit haha.

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