For partners of people with Pure O OCD and retroactive jealousy, what has helped you?

Hi everyone! I hope this is an appropriate place to ask this. I don’t personally have OCD, but my husband struggles with Pure O OCD, particularly retroactive jealousy, so I would consider myself someone who is OCD-adjacent through a loved one. I’m posting because I’d really appreciate hearing from people who experience this themselves, as well as partners or spouses who have navigated something similar. I’m hoping to better understand what my husband experiences and learn how I can be a more supportive partner during his hardest moments. When my husband experiences a spiral, he can become consumed by intrusive thoughts and questions about my past. I understand that these thoughts can feel incredibly real, distressing, and relentless to someone experiencing them, and I know he isn’t choosing to have intrusive thoughts. We’ve been trying to navigate this together, and I’ve learned that answering repeated questions, providing reassurance, or engaging in the OCD cycle isn’t necessarily helpful. I’ve been trying to avoid feeding the cycle, but I sometimes struggle with what to do instead, especially when things become intense. During some of these episodes, the distress can turn into anger directed at me. I can be criticized, have my character questioned, or hear threats of divorce. Sometimes, things are said about my past that are deeply hurtful. I know he is struggling, but it can be incredibly difficult to be the person he turns to for support while also being the person those feelings are directed toward. I’m trying to learn how to support him without reinforcing the OCD, while also managing my own emotions so I don’t end up breaking down or reacting out of hurt and frustration. Sometimes I end up feeling like I’m the person taking away his peace, even though I know I’m not choosing the thoughts he’s experiencing. For those of you who have Pure O OCD or experience retroactive jealousy: • When you’re in the middle of a spiral, is there anything a partner has said or done that genuinely helped you, without providing reassurance or feeding the OCD? • Is there a particular approach that helps you feel supported without making the intrusive thoughts worse? • For those of you in relationships, what have your partners learned to do that helps during difficult moments? • And for the partners who have been through this, how do you cope when the spiral turns into anger directed at you? How do you remain compassionate without absorbing the hurtful things being said? I’m not expecting my husband to simply switch off his OCD, and I’m not looking for a way to control his thoughts. I love him, and I want to understand his experience better. I’m also trying to learn how to navigate this in a way that is healthy for both of us. I’m genuinely open to hearing different experiences, perspectives, and things that have helped. Thank you to anyone willing to share. ❤️