WEIRD VIDEOS ONLINE.

I do watch intimate content online (for context I am a 21F and I just watch women usually) Anyways, there’s been a couple of times where I was on Twitter and some very strange and disturbing videos popped up. Some of them I skipped immediately and some of them I didn’t know if it was actually weird or disturbing and went back and checked. There is one video in particular that kept popping up and I kept skipping it, but then out of weird curiosity, I went back and skimmed through the video turned out to actually be what I was looking at, and I still felt disgusted and weird. Anyways, later on, obviously without the video being being present, the imagery, then turned into intrusive thoughts that kept popping up in my head. The imagery of the video kept popping up in my head. I mentally tested myself and also checked my groin which led to me feeling like actual arousal and it scared me. Anyways, now I’m getting some weird false memory and I’m concerned that I actually watched the video for pleasure. This was around a month ago and I feel like if I did that I would know and it would be the newest topic of my OCD. But for some reason, I can’t trust myself, I feel like I watched it.. not out of curiosity but to get off to it. Even tho I don’t remember that at all!! I feel gross for even going back to some of those videos out of morbid curiosity. Like genuinely I don’t know what it is, but if something on the Internet is very shocking to me or really weird. My brain wants to go back and see what is happening. I usually endup regretting it though.

A Foolish Sa...

Date posted: 4d

Hi CristyS323! I guess I’m responding to your posts twice today 😅. Anyway, I personally have a kind of harm/existential kind of OcD so I’m not really an expert on any other kinds of OcD, but one through line that I’ve noticed in a few instances thus far is that people seem to struggle with distinguishing between when their OcD forces them to give into a intrusive thought and do a compulsion or when it’s not their OcD and when they are the ones who actually want to do something. I guess in this instance it’s watching intimate videos online. All I can really say is that OcD definitely deserves its reputation as the “doubting disease” since it makes us oftentimes doubt ourselves and our motivations for doing things. So if you are feeling remorse for watching some taboo videos on the internet then that tells me that OcD probably had a hand in your morbid curiosity and that if it were entirely up to you then you wouldn’t watch a video you know is going to make you feel bad about yourself. Because at the end of the day we all deserve some slack and I think you do as well. All the best 😁

ohjeezbru

Date posted: Yesterday

hey i’m going through like almost the exact same thing right now, except i had a really bad porn addiction as well and i ended up seeing some stuff and it just wasn’t great and i feel the guilt and anxiety from it all and im constantly in my head about everything. i also have been getting intrusive thoughts more recently, but im just trying to remind myself that that’s all they are. i’m just trying to live my life and sometimes the anxiety is really paralyzing, but if i can get through it im sure you can as well. just know you’re not alone.

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