I’m back.

PLEASE SOMEONE READ. I don’t quite remember the context in which my last post pertained to but it was probably not good. Anyway I have been steady in my recovery for a while but I typically have a “good season” in between my episodes. And normally my OCD begins to spiral around this time of year. I hate the holidays. So I recently had a lot of life developments including a new relationship and friendships ending in a messy manor. I’m really feeling a spike in my moral OCD “am I a good person?” “Am I a horrible person?” “Are good and bad people just too much of a black and white term?” I believe that good people can do bad things and vise versa but I always have a hard time distinguishing myself from those good and bad concepts. I got into my current relationship about 5 months after my last relationship ended which was a 2 year relationship and I find myself thinking about my ex often I love my current boyfriend and my ex was not a good person to me and I was the one who broke up with him because he was mean. But for some reason I feel myself thinking or reminiscing about my past relationship and even my ex. I feel horrible about this and a part of me wonders should I have not gotten into a relationship so soon after? My love for my current partner is not a question he’s amazing and he brings light and laughter back into my life so why can I not let go of the past? Secondly I had a messy situation occur between me and some of my brothers friends we had heated situation that has resulted in them claiming I am a liar and a manipulator and have basically been completely shunned for things that I genuinely did not lie about. They give me no room to explain myself and every time I have they simply say “no that’s not true” or “stop lying that’s not what happened” I hate when people are mad at me and I know I’m not perfect but I didn’t lie about anything what would I even gain from lying in this context you know? My point is that my brothers friends are related to my boyfriend and although my boyfriend does his best to stick up for me and defend me it still upsets me because i genuinely did not lie about anything? But of course now my OCD is convincing me that they are right everyone is right to not like me and maybe I am a liar maybe I am the horrible person everyone believes me to be? Please advice or something I just need someone to talk to.

Seek2Blanc ૮...

Date posted: Yesterday

Hello, I completely understand how you feel with most of this and have even been in similar situations myself. In regards to your ex, I believe it's just a fleeting feeling and moments of thought/memory. Maybe you got too used to being in a bad situation or dealing with bad people and being in the opposite has you comparing the situations. There are many reasons why you could be still thinking of the past but that doesn't mean you want that person or situation back. Take it as it is, simply a thought or memory. Do not reminisce but also don't force it to be more than just that. As for your argument situation, I would just ask your partner or someone else that you can trust to hear you out as you explain the context of the situation but do it as best as you can from a detached outside perspective as if it has nothing to do with you personally, that way you can get a true reaction and understand both your own side and their side. It may even be a matter of nobody being right or nobody being wrong or vice versa and both being right or both being wrong. If it is not too serious of a situation maybe there can be a resolve but they also should not be throwing around those terms and words instead of there being a conversation and explanation of why. I hope this makes sense. I hope your situation improves..

invaderzim

Date posted: Yesterday

@Seek2Blanc ૮ ྀིᴗ͈ . ᴗ͈ ྀིა Yes this makes a lot of sense and i honestly hadn’t even thought about this in the way you put it in regards to thinking about my ex. My current relationship is stable and healthy and my last relationship was toxic and shakey and being with someone who actively tries to be a good partner is unfamiliar perhaps I need to work on my view of relationships entirely. Thank you for responding genuinely

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