I truly just wish I didn’t have to live anymore. Escape to heaven so I don’t feel so awful and depressed anymore. I feel I’m losing my boyfriend cuz I’m so fucking nuts and ruin everything good in my life so now I’m scared to even talk about my ocd to him anymore. I am hurting so bad. My whole body hurts. My heart hurts. My head hurts. I fucking HURT AND ITS NEVER ENDING

He understands but I am just nuts and start fights and run off when we drink together and he’s sick of me. I’m scared I just need to be alone because I’m so messed up right now. I don’t want to break up but I feel awful that I have to put him through this horrible shit.

@Ocdandme123 If he cares for you and loves you, which im sure he does, then he wont get sick of you. Yes it can be stressful to your partner when your issues flare up, my partner was stressed when i started going off my head because of my issues but at the end of the day, if he supports you i promise he will not go anywhere and the guilt, OH MY GOD THE GUILT is soooo shit, i get that, feeling so bad that you are putting them through it but i can promise you that he isnt thinking that way. It's just in your head sweetheart, have you considered taking a simple 3-5 day break with him? It can help to clear the mind and refresh without the worry of actually breaking up. Just a thought.

@jassullivan I asked if that’s what he wanted because we almost broke up last night ? I’m scared of life. I’m scared of everything. I’m a mess.

@Ocdandme123 Im so so sorry that you're going through such heart break right now, i know that not alot can be said to heal you, only you have power over your own emotions my dear. Be kind to yourself, let yourself cry, get it all out.

@jassullivan I don’t want to go to work anymore. I’m so depressed I can’t do anything. I can’t go anywhere because I’m afraid to see girls and get intrusive thoughts. I can’t even have sex with my bf cuz I’m so scared and my sex drive is gone. I don’t know what to do. I have no idea what to do. I’m so scared

@Ocdandme123 Please PLEASE dont be afraid of your thoughts, i know they can sometimes be the worst part of it, however, they are something that you have to fight through, not be scared of. Life is beautiful but your mind is making everything seem and feel so incredibly dark. Person question my dear, are you able to take one day off work? I feel that you need a day to focus on yourself only. Your goal as of right now, this very second, is to not lose yourself. Dont give into this.

Yes I can rearrange it. I can’t help but be terrified of my thoughts. My sex drive being so low just adds fuel to the fire of me obsessing over if I’m straight or not. I can’t stand thinking about leaving my bf for girls. It’s not what I want and I want it to go away ? I know I come first but it’s so hard when you’re tacking life with someone you love and want to spend forever with and then this shit happens

@Ocdandme123 The fact that you KNOW what you want and you KNOW how you feel and what your goal is, is truly incredible. I think you need to give yourself more credit. I'm sorry for your stress.

@jassullivan Thank you for your kindness

@Ocdandme123 Im sorry I couldn't be more of a help. Sometimes we really are our own worst enemies, yet we still need to love ourselves. We're all just fucked up people xoxo

@Ocdandme123 This is something I just posted in another thread, but lll paste it here: “The trick with OCD that I’ve found is to remember that, the reason you’re thinking obsessively about it is not because you want it, it’s because you don’t want it. Your brain is just scared that you DO want it so it keeps questioning. Secondly, a lot of research shows sexual preferences are fluid anyway, and just becuase it’s something you find attractive in a moment doesn’t mean it’s who you are. Having a gay thought is a perfectly normal experience and doesn’t make you gay. It doesn’t change your identity unless you intentionally choose for it to. You don’t have to act on a gay thought, exactly like you don’t have to act on a straight thought. Just take a deep breath, remember what you actually want (not what you’re worried you want) and let the anxiety and guilt go. The more you worry about it, the more your brain will keep nagging you about it! If anything, having bi OCD is probably a sign you lean straight.” I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. I identified as a lesbian before I married my husband and I have the same fears, since he’s the only man I’ve ever found attractive and generally I do find girls prettier. But even if I look at a girl it’s super okay. Looking at someone isn’t the same thing as cheating on them, and I’m completely in control whether or not I cheat on my husband (I won’t!).

@Hmuff A cement was said before my hocd that me and my coworker could be lesbian and now after hocd she is a permanent trigger. I don’t want to go to work. And it’s sad because we were so close and I’m obsessing on if I had a crush on her or if I have a crush on her cuz it’s effecting me so badly. I always was so jealous of her cuz her body is perfect and had the perfect life and was good at our job and wanted to look good when I worked with her cuz I just admired her and wanted her to like me and now I can’t stop obsessing if it’s a real crush. And people have mentioned if she was curious in me too or girls, would I want to go for it? And I have nooooo idea. And that’s what’s scaring me. I would say no because I live my bf so much and don’t want to leave him but what if I were to say no but then couldn’t stop thinking about the what if. It’s all driving my brain CRAZY. And it makes me feel guilty cuz I don’t even know if I’m straight and I’m with my bf but I’m obsessing if this crush with this girl is real. I can’t relax

@Hmuff Yeah absolutely, sorry if i said something stupid or offended you with one of my comments? Im new to this community.

@jassullivan No I don’t think anything was towards you! You were nothing but helpful for me! Thank you

Agree to this I’m sure you spoke to your partner about this, you haven’t had sex drive and you spoke about it, and your partner is supportive about it, if he get sick of you then he really doesn’t understand and maybe take time to trying to talk to him and if doesn’t want to be supportive then that’s on them not you!!!

@Ocdandme123 I totally understand what you are going through right now

Sweetheart, there is ALWAYS a way to help yourself. Always, no matter what time of the day, no matter how hard it is to get through. Make a caffeine-free tea (try camomile with a little bit of honey, works to calm me when things get too crazy in my head) or smoke some weed if that is something that you are open too, again just personal experience. With weed though, only a little bit because it is enough to relax you and your mind but not enough too get you in your own head. It truly is the little things that make the biggest difference even if it feels pointless to do at the time, making the effort to do it is a HUGE step.

I feel this :(