- Username
- Chelseadom
- Date posted
- 4y ago
i struggle with this too. it’s really debilitating but i just try to push through it
It's hard. But acting normal even when you don't feel it is how we eventually feel better
I'm having existential OCD over the exact same thing! Several years ago I also experienced DR and and intrusive thoughts regarding things around me not being real, and unfortunately some time after that I found "The Egg". That story was actually the last thing I obsessed over several years ago and I got over it at the time without therapy at that time. This past summer though I was watching a show and something that was said reminded me of the story, and then I became stuck all over again. It's been much more difficult to deal with this time around though. I'm really really sorry you're going through this because I know how you're feeling right now. I'm currently trying to get treated for this and I hope you're able to find the right treatment as well.
Thank you! It helps so much to know I’m not alone in it for sure, is there anything that’s helping you now? It’s frustrating too because my DP/DR has mostly gone away, it was caused by my Mirena, and I used to have just health obsessions mostly. But the DP/DR pushed it into this crazy existential realm and it’s driving me insane. Sometimes I’m totally fine, and then some days I think I’m losing my mind. It’s so annoying, but I’ll be at work and I’ll just have the thought like how are we brains in bodies and walking around etc etc and how crazy the fact we exist is. I’m sorry your struggling too, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. :(
Same here, I've felt completely nuts over it. With the DR I experienced several years ago, I was able to get over that and my intrusive thoughts then by learning more about DR and that it isn't as scary as it seems with the help of a counselor. I also found that doing a grounding exercise helped with this. As for this current thing with "The Egg", I'm still working on that one. I was about to start ERP last week, but due to insurance problems that didn't happen. I do have a heirarchy though to work on, but until I see someone who can work on that with me I'm holding off. One thing that has helped me this time around has been doing a worry time everyday either once or twice a day for 10-20 minutes at a time. There's usually some helpful information about worry time online as well. I also started talking to an online therapist this week and she suggested I try regular meditation and challenging my thinking with more specific questions regarding "The Egg". I think I may ask her about doing ERP and see if I can incorporate any of her suggestions into it as well.
@PeachyPopsicle That sounds good! I just started doing CBT and ERP, I actually texted my therapist this morning about it, it was really bad :( did you find the egg going on an existential ocd forum? That’s what happened to me, same thing with finding out about solipsism. They help but then I feel like I read things that create new triggers. It’s totally consuming my life, I went on Prozac and that helps for sure but I can still get in rabbit holes. I’ve been freaked out about coincidences, spiritual awakenings and the idea of enlightenment. The egg freaks me out because it means we’re all alone, the reincarnation doesn’t bother me as much, it’s just the whole idea of “this is a simulation” that’s totally scaring the crap out of me. When anyone talks about the matrix I can’t handle it ?
@Chelseadom I found out about solipsism on a forum several years ago when I was experiencing DR, and I found that forums usually made me feel worse so I stopped browsing them after a while. The Egg I think I found on an app similar to Reddit (I'm thinking maybe 9gag but I can't remember). I don't remember if my thoughts regarding The Egg got stuck immediately after I read it, but I think seeing or hearing anything that reminded me of it helped to get it stuck. The part of The Egg that's freaks me out is the whole everyone being the same soul reincarnated thing. Reincarnation has never really bothered me before, but it definitely is now for some reason. The weird thing with me is that years ago when I first experienced these type of existential thoughts I never thought I'd be able to watch The Matrix, but I actually watched all 3 movies a couple years ago and really enjoyed them. This was a while after I felt like had gotten over everything, but I was like you and felt uncomfortable whenever someone talked about the movies. I honestly didn't expect to get stuck on this again, especially this story since I thought I was over it.
@PeachyPopsicle That’s totally bothering me too, I took a lot of classes in eastern religions and never had a problem with reincarnation. I actually liked the idea that we all are reincarnated together again and again like your family and friends. The idea that we’re all the same soul and the idea that you’re the only one that’s real is totally freaking me out too, like I want my mom and my friends and everyone to be real. I wish I had never read about solipsism it really fucked up my thinking. I also have bad death obsessions so that doesn’t help either. I hate feeling this way, especially when I feel back to normal and I feel like my brain actively seeks out the thoughts so I get stuck back in this loop. Having the drug experience didn’t help either because the thoughts I had were similar so it makes me more anxious.
@Chelseadom Your experience with the obsessive thoughts sounds a lot like mine, and I hope ERP with your therapist helps. Hopefully I can start that soon as well. Just remember that it is possible to get over these thoughts, somehow I did it before with counseling and just recognizing that everything I was experiencing was related to anxiety. Feel free to let me know how therapy is working out for you! I don't think we can direct message on this app, but you can just comment on this thread again. I'd love to find out what better works in treating this.
@PeachyPopsicle Ok I will! I’m seeing my CBT therapist Monday so I’ll let you know if she has any suggestions or tips to help ?
@Chelseadom Thanks, I really appreciate it!
@Chelseadom Hey! Hope things have been going alright and meeting with your therapist went well. Did you get any helpful information from them?
@PeachyPopsicle Hey! I actually ended up getting sick so I didn’t go Monday but I’m going today in an hour, I’ll let you know what she says ?
@Chelseadom Does your therapist have you challenging your thoughts? I'm just curious because that's what my online therapist is having me do at the moment. I had a session with her yesterday and it was kind of difficult, but I think it's been somewhat helpful. I also don't believe she is trained in ERP.
@PeachyPopsicle Hey! Yes she has me challenge my thoughts and try to separate the thoughts from the panic. We also have been working on grounding exercises and bringing my awareness into the room, also she has me do things that are distracting. Literally when I was full on panic-ing the other day she had me juggle two tennis balls and it suprisingly helped a lot to get me out of it. When I have the thoughts she has me say “so what” which I’m trying to do but it’s hard
@Chelseadom Ok, my experience is a little similar and that's helpful to know. Mine is having me work on meditating and challenging my thoughts at times to help. I've just been afraid of doing this therapy but I'm also afraid of doing actual ERP therapy, even though I think both will help in some way. I think any kind of therapy for this is going to be difficult and kind of scary, so I'm trying to face that.
@PeachyPopsicle Yeah I think the ERP is scary regardless by design, and then over time our brains will be less and less overwhelmed hopefully. Some days it’s easier for me and then some days I’m so panicked I can’t even go there ?
@Chelseadom I feel ya there. I think it'll take some time, but we'll get to the point where we can feel better. I'm finding just trying to do things I enjoy (for me that's drawing, watching my favorite shows, playing video games) and hanging out with people I enjoy has been helping as well, and I hope you can do some things you enjoy that'll help too. Stay strong! We'll get through this!
@PeachyPopsicle Thank you! I know we will, we just need to get through the storm. It’s frustrating too when you have a good day and are not thinking about it, and then it bombards you out of nowhere
@Chelseadom It really is frustrating, I'm kinda having one of those days today actually and I'm still figuring out how to deal with myself when I start obsessing and ruminating. All I can do is work with what tools and techniques I know so far and see if it helps.
@PeachyPopsicle I’m sorry to hear that :/ I just got my period so my DP/DR is worse, I find that always happens :/ I keep getting the obsessive existential thoughts bad today too, I feel ya :/
@Chelseadom Sorry to hear you're not having a good day either. :( I always get depressed a day or two before mine starts, so I can see how it would make DP/DR worse. You may have already tried this before, but doing a grounding exercise helped me whenever I felt like I was experiencing some of the DP/DR. It might not necessarily help with the thoughts, but maybe it could help some with the weird disconnected feeling from DP/DR.
@PeachyPopsicle Thank you! I will try that
@Chelseadom No problem, I hope it helps!
@Chelseadom I have almost the exact same struggle, including how these thoughts never used to bother me and how I initially had an interest in spirituality and religion. Mine was triggered from a bad THC experience, which makes it worse to me because my brain convinces me that makes it more real and true.
@Lusterdove Just wanted to say that my brain has gotten caught on this theme without any sort of drugs, so I think it's possible for just about anyone who is prone to obsessive thoughts. I've almost wished I could say mine was brought on by drugs of some sort because at least it would be somewhat of an explanation. But I know anyone experiencing this, because of drugs or not, is not enjoying this and it's not easy to deal with.
Hey! It’s really been helping! I’m going back now to more health concern ocd now unfortunately, but my DP/dr is def way better and I feel like I can control my thoughts more easily
That's super awesome! I've been nervous about it, but that definitely makes me feel better about starting it and knowing that's what I need. I'm supposed to see my therapist tomorrow, my insurance isn't figured out yet but I'm at the point where I need to do something to address this. I'm glad you're seeing improvement!
@PeachyPopsicle I hope you both experience relief! I want to start ERP whenever I’m able to find a therapist that offers it, but so far no luck.
@PeachyPopsicle Yes! I’m sorry things with your insurance are standing in the way :/ I definitely recommend it, it’s been making me feel a lot more in control. ???
@Chelseadom Thanks, I was able to go to my therapist today. Did you find therapy pretty difficult once starting out? I'm asking because I didn't have so much trouble working on my first exposure, I struggled with talking more to my therapist about the troubling existential thoughts I have around "The Egg" and why they're so bothersome. I started feeling like crying while talking about it to her, and now that I'm home I still feel really emotional. I felt like I couldn't even convey my thoughts to her very well because I was getting so worked up emotionally.
@Lusterdove Thank you, I hope you can find a therapist as well and you can also start feeling some relief.
@PeachyPopsicle I totally feel you, I’ve just given my time after therapy to regroup and to try and distract myself, my therapist told me it would probably get worse before it would get better :/
@Chelseadom I really hope that's the case. I felt pretty depressed yesterday afterwards and still kinda feel that way today. I'm going to mention it to my therapist next week and let her know I felt depressed and overwhelmed after the session. I'm really hoping this improves over time though.
@PeachyPopsicle I hope that it gets better for you ?
@Chelseadom Thank you. Today's session was a lot better actually and my therapist was proud of how I handled my depressed feelings. I hope you continue improving as well. ❤️
@Chelseadom Hey! Sorry I keep coming back here, I just wanted to see how things have been going for you since you're dealing with about the same thing that I am. Have you been able to view the story more positively at all? I'm struggling so much with it and am trying to expose myself to it by reading summaries of The Egg and then reading part of the story itself. I'm trying to do my exposures and just be ok with it, but my brain keeps telling me that I wouldn't want to live if this were true or if I believed it. I've been having a few good days, but then I'm still having some really bad moments.
Yeah some days I can really push through it and change my thinking, and then orher days like today it’s just totally debilitating. I had a bad drug experience too which did not help the situation at all, and I think the DP/DR makes it worse :/ it’s just that I come from a religious studies background and my ocd makes all the Buddhist teachings seem like fact, and then I have to remember there’s people who worship St Bernards too lol ? but it really keeps me from living my life, and it makes the world/other people seem scary
Literally I just want to worry about normal things not the nature of reality ?
For real. I want to engage with reality and experience it as being real.
I have this as well. My brain constantly tells me that nothing is real, that it’s a dream, and that I’m trapped inside it. It causes me very intense anxiety and panic. I also get dp/dr as well. And, like you, I also get bodily and metal hyperawareness and also health anxiety. You’re not alone at all.
I'm sorry you're going through this as well. I don't experience the DP/DR anymore, but I know it's not fun at all. That was the main issue for me several years ago, and I think my obsessive existential thoughts developed from that. Doing a grounding exercise was one helpful thing I learned when I was experiencing that, but it doesn't necessarily help with the intrusive thoughts, or at least it hasn't this time around for me. I hope you're able to get the right treatment, and hopefully all of us on this thread that are feeling this way can get better. Stay strong, it is possible to get over this.
I’m sorry that your struggling with this as well, the DP/DR is the worst. Especially since now it comes and goes and I don’t know when it’s going to hit. This morning I woke up super dissociated and it makes me feel anxious and panicked to start the day :/
@Chelseadom Just wanted to come back to this thread to see how you're doing! I sadly still haven't gotten to start ERP yet, but I found a book that has been helpful and I've felt more normal at times. I'm still somewhat anxious just over the fact that I know my mind can get stuck on things even though I've been feeling better. How has the ERP been working for you?
Hello everyone! (Existential Obsessions) I have struggled with anxiety since I was a young boy. I remember worrying when I was younger that I was inadvertently trying to harm my mother, even though I love my mother more than anyone in the world. It’s shifted more times than I can count, from worrying about poisoning or contamination to thinking that I had heart disease. It’s all the same animal just shape shifting into whatever I fear most at the given time. Currently, (trigger warning) I am constantly obsessed with the fear of developing some sort of delusion or schizophrenia. I am 25 years old (I know that it would’ve probably developed by now) and have no schizophrenia in my gene pool. But I am constantly checking my thoughts to see if they sound delusional or if I am hallucinating my reality. This of course if extremely frustrating for someone with OCD because there is never going to be any definitive proof that I am not going mad. It has caused me extreme discomfort over the past few months and has brought me to extreme states of panic. I was wondering if any of you deal with existential OCD or fears of losing touch with reality. Of course, some days this seems laughable and others I can almost taste the insanity. On paper, everything in my life is going amazingly but in truth I can’t seem to enjoy any of it because I have these nightmarish intrusions of everything falling apart around me. Is this a common symptom? P.S I already run a few miles a day, meditate, do yoga and am working on strengthening my CBT. Any other suggestions?
I can’t tell if this is existential OCD or if something else is going on, but I’ve been having a serious existential crisis-type episode for the past week. Starting with the realization of my own mortality and an impending sense of doom, hopelessness, pointlessness, and despair, which led me down a path of spirituality (mix of Buddhist and Hindu beliefs). That’s in the realm of “normal” for me, and I was feeling amazing afterwards, I felt like everything finally made sense, like I was at peace with the world, nature, and my soul. But then the intrusive thoughts started(about when I realized technically anything is possible in this seemingly endless universe). At first they were about this whole world being fake, that everyone was in on it except for me, that I was being tested to see if I had learned enough/been a good enough person in this life. Soon realized that this wasn’t logical, since I was going off the idea that nothing was real, but if no one was real they wouldn’t be able to lie to me. Then it transitioned into pure solipsism, which terrified me to the very depths of my soul, at which point I felt suicidal (basically “if nothing is real what’s the point?” Kind of thinking) but after a couple of days of ruminating, I realized the flaws in this logic, as well, and was comfortable in the idea that this was false. Which brings me to now. It’s sort of a mixture of the two, I now have an intrusive thought that there’s some force that created this world to test me, but that no one is “real”, that they have the appearance of being conscious like me, but are being controlled by an outside force, that they’re like robots with the appearance of having a soul, but are just programmed to seem that way, that I’ll not be able to see them again when I die and return to the pool of consciousness since they never existed in the first place. I know in my rational mind this isn’t true, but it just keeps pounding in my head that it’s possible, so I can never assume it isn’t the truth, and it’s making me feel so hopeless. What’s the point if everything is a lie? I feel like my world is crumbling beneath my feet, like I’m drowning. The worst part was that I was fine this morning, but was triggered by an existential question I saw posed online, and wound up back here. I’m terrified that I’m going insane.
Hi all , please comment if you’re experiencing what I’m about to share . I am going through a very tough time with existential fears & very frightening thoughts to a point where the thought of myself sends me into a spiral. I ask myself “am I even existing right now as I’m typing this” “ how do I know that I’m not already dead or in a purgatory “how do I confirm that I even exist” what if I’ve already died and this is what death feels like “ nothing & no one around me feels real , I look at my kids & my husband & question their existence. I’ve also been suffering from severe depersonalisation/derealisation & I don’t know which one is triggering the other ! I also suffer from harm ocd where I’m forever worrying that I might lose control & harm my family whom I love to bits & I’m always battling the nightmare inside me that makes me believe that I’ve already hurt them but I just don’t know it … I’m on lexapro & have been for two years but I find that all it does is numb my emotions, I can’t cry & at times worry that if sharpens to someone I love , I may not be able to cry or show emotions . I am convinced that I’ve developed schizophrenia 🥲🥲 which has always been my worst fear! Or that I’ve gone psychotic without realising . I cannot see myself out of this hole & my brain had forgotten what being a normal person once felt like 🥲🥲. I was seeing a psychologist and he did ERP with me but sadly that did Not help so I stopped seeing him altogether & lost faith in therapy altogether ! Sorry this is a very long post but I just want to know that someone out there is experiencing the same symptoms and has gotten over it through ERP or other medication ? Because I feel like I’m the only one suffering from this debilitating illness and there’s no way out!
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