I just read “The Egg” by Andy Weir and it’s pushed me into a spiral of Existential OCD, and fear of solipsism. I have Pure O, Hyperawareness and Medical OCD on top of the existential stuff. Does anyone else struggle with this? I’ve also had episodes of DP/DR which is exacerbating the symptoms and making me feel like I’m not real. It’s only gotten bad in the last 6 months and I just want to go back to normal again and not feel full of fear and panic all the time. It’s hard to live my life like a normal person ?

Same here, I've felt completely nuts over it. With the DR I experienced several years ago, I was able to get over that and my intrusive thoughts then by learning more about DR and that it isn't as scary as it seems with the help of a counselor. I also found that doing a grounding exercise helped with this. As for this current thing with "The Egg", I'm still working on that one. I was about to start ERP last week, but due to insurance problems that didn't happen. I do have a heirarchy though to work on, but until I see someone who can work on that with me I'm holding off. One thing that has helped me this time around has been doing a worry time everyday either once or twice a day for 10-20 minutes at a time. There's usually some helpful information about worry time online as well. I also started talking to an online therapist this week and she suggested I try regular meditation and challenging my thinking with more specific questions regarding "The Egg". I think I may ask her about doing ERP and see if I can incorporate any of her suggestions into it as well.

@PeachyPopsicle That sounds good! I just started doing CBT and ERP, I actually texted my therapist this morning about it, it was really bad :( did you find the egg going on an existential ocd forum? That’s what happened to me, same thing with finding out about solipsism. They help but then I feel like I read things that create new triggers. It’s totally consuming my life, I went on Prozac and that helps for sure but I can still get in rabbit holes. I’ve been freaked out about coincidences, spiritual awakenings and the idea of enlightenment. The egg freaks me out because it means we’re all alone, the reincarnation doesn’t bother me as much, it’s just the whole idea of “this is a simulation” that’s totally scaring the crap out of me. When anyone talks about the matrix I can’t handle it ?

@Chelseadom I found out about solipsism on a forum several years ago when I was experiencing DR, and I found that forums usually made me feel worse so I stopped browsing them after a while. The Egg I think I found on an app similar to Reddit (I'm thinking maybe 9gag but I can't remember). I don't remember if my thoughts regarding The Egg got stuck immediately after I read it, but I think seeing or hearing anything that reminded me of it helped to get it stuck. The part of The Egg that's freaks me out is the whole everyone being the same soul reincarnated thing. Reincarnation has never really bothered me before, but it definitely is now for some reason. The weird thing with me is that years ago when I first experienced these type of existential thoughts I never thought I'd be able to watch The Matrix, but I actually watched all 3 movies a couple years ago and really enjoyed them. This was a while after I felt like had gotten over everything, but I was like you and felt uncomfortable whenever someone talked about the movies. I honestly didn't expect to get stuck on this again, especially this story since I thought I was over it.

@PeachyPopsicle That’s totally bothering me too, I took a lot of classes in eastern religions and never had a problem with reincarnation. I actually liked the idea that we all are reincarnated together again and again like your family and friends. The idea that we’re all the same soul and the idea that you’re the only one that’s real is totally freaking me out too, like I want my mom and my friends and everyone to be real. I wish I had never read about solipsism it really fucked up my thinking. I also have bad death obsessions so that doesn’t help either. I hate feeling this way, especially when I feel back to normal and I feel like my brain actively seeks out the thoughts so I get stuck back in this loop. Having the drug experience didn’t help either because the thoughts I had were similar so it makes me more anxious.

@Chelseadom Your experience with the obsessive thoughts sounds a lot like mine, and I hope ERP with your therapist helps. Hopefully I can start that soon as well. Just remember that it is possible to get over these thoughts, somehow I did it before with counseling and just recognizing that everything I was experiencing was related to anxiety. Feel free to let me know how therapy is working out for you! I don't think we can direct message on this app, but you can just comment on this thread again. I'd love to find out what better works in treating this.

@PeachyPopsicle Ok I will! I’m seeing my CBT therapist Monday so I’ll let you know if she has any suggestions or tips to help ?

@Chelseadom Thanks, I really appreciate it!

@Chelseadom Hey! Hope things have been going alright and meeting with your therapist went well. Did you get any helpful information from them?

@PeachyPopsicle Hey! I actually ended up getting sick so I didn’t go Monday but I’m going today in an hour, I’ll let you know what she says ?

@Chelseadom Does your therapist have you challenging your thoughts? I'm just curious because that's what my online therapist is having me do at the moment. I had a session with her yesterday and it was kind of difficult, but I think it's been somewhat helpful. I also don't believe she is trained in ERP.

@PeachyPopsicle Hey! Yes she has me challenge my thoughts and try to separate the thoughts from the panic. We also have been working on grounding exercises and bringing my awareness into the room, also she has me do things that are distracting. Literally when I was full on panic-ing the other day she had me juggle two tennis balls and it suprisingly helped a lot to get me out of it. When I have the thoughts she has me say “so what” which I’m trying to do but it’s hard

@Chelseadom Ok, my experience is a little similar and that's helpful to know. Mine is having me work on meditating and challenging my thoughts at times to help. I've just been afraid of doing this therapy but I'm also afraid of doing actual ERP therapy, even though I think both will help in some way. I think any kind of therapy for this is going to be difficult and kind of scary, so I'm trying to face that.

@PeachyPopsicle Yeah I think the ERP is scary regardless by design, and then over time our brains will be less and less overwhelmed hopefully. Some days it’s easier for me and then some days I’m so panicked I can’t even go there ?

@Chelseadom I feel ya there. I think it'll take some time, but we'll get to the point where we can feel better. I'm finding just trying to do things I enjoy (for me that's drawing, watching my favorite shows, playing video games) and hanging out with people I enjoy has been helping as well, and I hope you can do some things you enjoy that'll help too. Stay strong! We'll get through this!

@PeachyPopsicle Thank you! I know we will, we just need to get through the storm. It’s frustrating too when you have a good day and are not thinking about it, and then it bombards you out of nowhere

@Chelseadom It really is frustrating, I'm kinda having one of those days today actually and I'm still figuring out how to deal with myself when I start obsessing and ruminating. All I can do is work with what tools and techniques I know so far and see if it helps.

@PeachyPopsicle I’m sorry to hear that :/ I just got my period so my DP/DR is worse, I find that always happens :/ I keep getting the obsessive existential thoughts bad today too, I feel ya :/

@Chelseadom Sorry to hear you're not having a good day either. :( I always get depressed a day or two before mine starts, so I can see how it would make DP/DR worse. You may have already tried this before, but doing a grounding exercise helped me whenever I felt like I was experiencing some of the DP/DR. It might not necessarily help with the thoughts, but maybe it could help some with the weird disconnected feeling from DP/DR.

@PeachyPopsicle Thank you! I will try that

@Chelseadom No problem, I hope it helps!

@Chelseadom I have almost the exact same struggle, including how these thoughts never used to bother me and how I initially had an interest in spirituality and religion. Mine was triggered from a bad THC experience, which makes it worse to me because my brain convinces me that makes it more real and true.

@Lusterdove Just wanted to say that my brain has gotten caught on this theme without any sort of drugs, so I think it's possible for just about anyone who is prone to obsessive thoughts. I've almost wished I could say mine was brought on by drugs of some sort because at least it would be somewhat of an explanation. But I know anyone experiencing this, because of drugs or not, is not enjoying this and it's not easy to deal with.

That's super awesome! I've been nervous about it, but that definitely makes me feel better about starting it and knowing that's what I need. I'm supposed to see my therapist tomorrow, my insurance isn't figured out yet but I'm at the point where I need to do something to address this. I'm glad you're seeing improvement!

@PeachyPopsicle I hope you both experience relief! I want to start ERP whenever I’m able to find a therapist that offers it, but so far no luck.

@PeachyPopsicle Yes! I’m sorry things with your insurance are standing in the way :/ I definitely recommend it, it’s been making me feel a lot more in control. ???

@Chelseadom Thanks, I was able to go to my therapist today. Did you find therapy pretty difficult once starting out? I'm asking because I didn't have so much trouble working on my first exposure, I struggled with talking more to my therapist about the troubling existential thoughts I have around "The Egg" and why they're so bothersome. I started feeling like crying while talking about it to her, and now that I'm home I still feel really emotional. I felt like I couldn't even convey my thoughts to her very well because I was getting so worked up emotionally.

@Lusterdove Thank you, I hope you can find a therapist as well and you can also start feeling some relief.

@PeachyPopsicle I totally feel you, I’ve just given my time after therapy to regroup and to try and distract myself, my therapist told me it would probably get worse before it would get better :/

@Chelseadom I really hope that's the case. I felt pretty depressed yesterday afterwards and still kinda feel that way today. I'm going to mention it to my therapist next week and let her know I felt depressed and overwhelmed after the session. I'm really hoping this improves over time though.

@PeachyPopsicle I hope that it gets better for you ?

@Chelseadom Thank you. Today's session was a lot better actually and my therapist was proud of how I handled my depressed feelings. I hope you continue improving as well. ❤️

@Chelseadom Hey! Sorry I keep coming back here, I just wanted to see how things have been going for you since you're dealing with about the same thing that I am. Have you been able to view the story more positively at all? I'm struggling so much with it and am trying to expose myself to it by reading summaries of The Egg and then reading part of the story itself. I'm trying to do my exposures and just be ok with it, but my brain keeps telling me that I wouldn't want to live if this were true or if I believed it. I've been having a few good days, but then I'm still having some really bad moments.

For real. I want to engage with reality and experience it as being real.

I'm sorry you're going through this as well. I don't experience the DP/DR anymore, but I know it's not fun at all. That was the main issue for me several years ago, and I think my obsessive existential thoughts developed from that. Doing a grounding exercise was one helpful thing I learned when I was experiencing that, but it doesn't necessarily help with the intrusive thoughts, or at least it hasn't this time around for me. I hope you're able to get the right treatment, and hopefully all of us on this thread that are feeling this way can get better. Stay strong, it is possible to get over this.

I’m sorry that your struggling with this as well, the DP/DR is the worst. Especially since now it comes and goes and I don’t know when it’s going to hit. This morning I woke up super dissociated and it makes me feel anxious and panicked to start the day :/

@Chelseadom Just wanted to come back to this thread to see how you're doing! I sadly still haven't gotten to start ERP yet, but I found a book that has been helpful and I've felt more normal at times. I'm still somewhat anxious just over the fact that I know my mind can get stuck on things even though I've been feeling better. How has the ERP been working for you?