leif

Date posted: 5y

Heya guys. First time poster here. I am a 27 y/o male living in Brooklyn who struggles with pure O. My obsessions are existential. I spend the better part of the day paranoid that everyone and everything is in some way a simulation that’s tricking me. Sort of like a rat in a maze. It’s incredibly distressing and comes with a slew of other obsessions: “am I crazy, is anything real, am I real” etc. just posting on here because it’s cathartic, and also wondering if other people share similar obsessions? I find it pretty uncommon based on what I’ve seen. Also if you’re in Brooklyn, would love to meet up and chat about our woes. Thanks!

"Pure" OCD

leif

Date posted: 5y

It’s so disturbing because I really really love people and am a very social person. That itch in the back of your head analogy is spot on.

lulu23

Date posted: 5y

I’m on the other side of the United States on the west coast but I’m 27 and my obsessions vary but include many existential thoughts too. They vary from if anything is real to why does life matter and sometimes I’ll have somewhat of a realization and feel like I’m wasting my life worrying. My other main obsession is the fear of going crazy and they kind of work together.

Mr Unshackleton

Date posted: 5y

sounds like we have the same thing!

leif

Date posted: 5y

@lulu23 I hear that. I’m so scared I have schizophrenia. I’m currently just watching schizo documentaries and taking psychosis quizzes (which are always negative)

leif

Date posted: 5y

Which btw is obviously the WRONG thing to do but today I can’t help it :)

Tf0498

Date posted: 5y

I’m dealing with the fear of psychosis now too. It’s awful. Like have been searching the net, taking tests online etc. my brain actually feels like mush sometimes and I have the racing uncontrollable thoughts. It’s almost like I’m trying to convince myself I do have it although it’s the last thing that I actually want?! If that makes sense

leif

Date posted: 5y

I totally empathize with this. I’m assuming the tests are telling you you DONT have it, right? But even that isn’t enough reassurance

Tf0498

Date posted: 5y

@leif Right but still it’s like I don’t believe it lol

Zne

Date posted: 5y

I have something similar, but not so much a simulation as just everyone is lying and fake, and they’re “in on something” that I’m not. When it gets bad I find myself documenting things in a notepad that I feel are way too similar to just be a conincidence. I understand cause even when I’m having a good time it’s like an itch in the back of my mind I can’t scratch, and I feel like I’m overly aware of everything just waiting for someone to slip up and expose the ploy. I understand how it makes you question yourself. And it makes it hard to accept advise because I’m wondering if I can even trust them

leif

Date posted: 5y

Right? Like maybe YOU are just put in place to trick me?

Jamarceline

Date posted: 5y

Zne yeah i have this too

lulu23

Date posted: 5y

Yea I’m pretty sure I have pure o. I have sexual intrusive thoughts and harm thoughts too they all fall under pure o to me. I usually don’t go that deep into schizophrenia I just fear it. But I have gotten better recently. I think at the end of the day, it’s as hard to say as it is to believe, we have to come to the conclusion that our obsessions are unprovable and have a 50/50 chance of being true. It’s a hard thing to accept but we will waste our lives waiting for our obsessions to come true rather than just accepting that they may not be. We can’t control most of what we fear with these obsessions but we can control what we choose to do with our time. I for one am going to start going back to school tomorrow. Only a couple classes but anything is a start.

leif

Date posted: 5y

To be honest I’m not even sure what kind of exposures to do? Like how would I do an exposure for obsessing that the world isn’t real? Watch the matrix? It’s tough in that there’s no physical compulsion to resist

Mr Unshackleton

Date posted: 5y

I'm not an expert but one you could try is to record/write/say that this is a simulation, nothing's real and you're a puppet and go into detail about it and how it makes you feel. dont avoid it and dont use compulsions, just focus on what it is that frightens you. try it for 5 minutes once a day. see if the thoughts have the same impact afterwards. you've effectively got to accept that it could very well be the case and, with acceptance, the suffering will diminish.

leif

Date posted: 5y

@Mr Unshackleton This is SO helpful. Thank you!

Mr Unshackleton

Date posted: 5y

@leif you're welcome. good luck. let us know how it goes

Jamarceline

Date posted: 5y

Lulu23 does it mean you hace pure o too?

Jamarceline

Date posted: 5y

Have*

Mr Unshackleton

Date posted: 5y

do you guys do exposure therapy for these?

Daisy29

Date posted: 5y

You have depersonalization

leif

Date posted: 5y

Hm, but isn’t depersonalization more of a physical sensation? I don’t necessarily feel unreal, I just can’t stop obsessing that everyone else might be unreal

Daisy29

Date posted: 5y

@leif Have a read about it, I think that is more derealization than depersonalization I have both & it’s an offshoot of anxiety, I don’t have any of the physical symptoms either

lulu23

Date posted: 5y

@Daisy29 I have had both and don’t know if it’s gone yet because I’m ok most days but I still don’t really feel like myself. It makes this theme so much worse to handle.

Elro

Date posted: 5y

@leif Literally was in a class today and had the same thought! As a child I thought me and my family were dolls and there was someone controlling us. I to this day feel like maybe my life is the truman show - everyone is placed here purposely And are actors and they all know it but I dont

leif

Date posted: 5y

@Elro @elro, totally feel that. How distressful is this thought to you?

js94

Date posted: 5y

I live in nj and have sexual intrusive pure o thoughts

Sosa2loud

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Kind of Spiraling

Hi guys! I’m new to the community and I’ve recently received my OCD diagnosis (tho I’ve known about it since childhood). I’ve been somewhat spiraling lately as I wait for my first ERP session (hooray!) I was just wondering if any of you guys have received ERP for existential OCD and if it was successful? My existential OCD compulsions are more so mental and have been affecting me in the sense of dream/memory flashbacks and giving me a sort of “uncanny” feeling about everything around me. Any advice is appreciated! Thank you❤️

_okayylexi

Date posted: 15w

Newbie Here 🙏🏼

Hi, I’m new to the app as of today. I’m 20 years old, and wanted to get some stuff off my chest about the types of OCD I’ve been experiencing over the years. I’m not entirely sure how or when my OCD was brought up, but I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. Anywhere and everywhere I go, if I see things placed in an order/angle that my brain doesn’t approve of, next thing I know I’m “fixing” it to be in the placement I feel looks better. I’m not aware of why I feel the need to do that, but until an object is in the “right” placement, I won’t take my eyes off of it. My eye will even twitch. Another form of OCD I have is in relationships. I spend each day overthinking and over-analyzing every one of the relationships that are important to me. Friends, family, significant other. Another one is what’s considered “Pure OCD” . When I get an intrusive thought of something devilish, whether it’s randomly seeing my great aunt naked bc my grandma considers her “fat” even though she’s not, or it’s seeing something demonic and traumatizing, I immediately tell myself, “I don’t wanna see/think about that” over and over and over until the thought is gone. Or I’ll try to replace one mental image with another. One other form of OCD I face every day, is religion. I got baptized for the first time in my life earlier this year in January. I had finally started to repent for my sins, and now I’m constantly feeling afraid that I’m letting God down due to my depression/lack of motivation and vaping/smoking. I also fear excessively that He’ll banish me from His kingdom, or just turn a cold shoulder. I know that what I’ve just typed up is probably all over the place. That is my brain unfortunately. How do you go from being a mentally disorderly and seemingly erratic young woman, to a more well-established, successful woman? I’m all ears!

mary.94

Date posted: 10w

Hi, I’m new and wanted to make some friends w/OCD!

I’m 19 and struggle with health anxiety, contamination, harm, and magical thinking OCD and would love to meet people with similar experiences and hardships because I have never had an opportunity for such a supportive community!

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