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You need to realise this self doubt is just self doubt. OCD loves a bit of self doubt and grows on it. You need to try and focus on the fact that you add an individual have the capacity for both good and bad, but then so does everyone. As far add I'm aware, you have done nothing to indicate you actually ate this bad person. I wonder - if you did one thing a week to help someone else, this could improve your self esteem and self doubt?

Hey sweetie I do understand how you feel, truly Don’t let ocd win. Ocd knows how to make you freak out by attacking your values, and what I can see is that you want to be a great person, and ocd make you doubt of this. Don’t let ocd control you, not this time. If you want there is a great video on YouTube for ocd attack https://youtu.be/6inywCsMz3M Remember that ocd has his bad truth and ocd wants you to believe it, but this is not your truth and you don’t have to believe it

Are there any patterns about what days you do ruminate and which ones you don't?

ME