Is it really okay for me to relax about STDs? I’ve never been diagnosed with one but o always feel like my tests can’t possibly be accurate? I’ve been tested about 16 times total but I worry about it all the time. Is it enough to just NOT have sex with other people? Cuz I feel like I have undone my negative results by using public toilets and experiencing splashback, not washing my hands enough before using the toilet etc and I just feel like I’m gonna be accused of cheating when I haven’t cheated. I don’t want to be dumped. What if I contracted STDs without being with anyone else? He will obviously leave me because it will look like I cheated when I didn’t. I’ve not been with anyone else since being in a relationship with my partner I adore him I’m terrified I will contract something somehow or i ALWAYS had an std which didn’t show on my tests and it will only be passed to him one day years down the line when I least expect it and he will leave me because he will think I cheated and leave me I feel like I can’t afford to relax. If I’m not prepared it might be more likely to happen and shock me or something. I did have sudden unexpected breakup three years ago with someone I was with for ten years who kicked me out with no warning. Could this be why I’m a fucking freak now?

Well I can’t tell if it’s ocd or not. To me I can’t afford to relax. Is it really ONLY possible to contract them via sex? It seems too good to be true and I’m actually legitimately at risk all the time

@uwotm8 Wanting to know the answer to that question is your problem. You have to learn to know it’s ok to not know some things. Even if I were to tell you it’s only possible to get an std via sex you wouldn’t be ok because you have ocd. It’s the same thing with me my psychiatrist and therapist told me I didn’t have schizophrenia but I didn’t get enough comfort from that alone. Only now that I’m facing fears is my ocd becoming controllable.

@lulu23 We have different themes but it doesn’t matter we both have ocd and yours is obvious to me. I have the exact exact same thought in my head but with another theme. I think it’s too good to be true that I’m not losing my mind just like you think it’s too good to be true that a toilet seat won’t give you an std. it doesn’t matter that it’s too good to be true either. The only thing that matters is that we don’t let our fears control our lives. For you that’s taking tests and asking others about the possibilities of getting stds. For me it was researching and seeking reassurance online. I’m trying my best to cut out my compulsions I hope you can too.

@lulu23 Well that’s easy for you to say, I need to know I’m not gonna be accused of cheating when I haven’t and dumped without warning again. I can’t/won’t accept that kind of fuckery again

@uwotm8 That’s not true It’s not easy for me, getting better isn’t easy. I could list everything that’s going on with me but it won’t matter because you will always find a way to make your situation impossible to overcome. When you can accept the fear because your desire to get better is stronger than the fear then you’ll understand. I hope you can recover. Good luck.

@lulu23 I meant easy for you to tell me that I need to just stop when you don’t have my theme (even then I still don’t even know if it IS an ocd theme or if I actually really should test again) I mean it’s easy for people to tell me to not worry when my relationship ending would actually genuinely fucking destroy me and I don’t wanna deal with that I think I’d die

@lulu23 And if you haven’t already please seek professional help. It’s hard to do it alone, coming from someone with experience. We all think we’re the exception when it comes to our theme, that it can’t be just ocd. That’s just ocd trying to convince us it’s not.

@lulu23 Just seek ocd help. At this point anything anyone on this app says won’t help you. It’s quite obvious you have ocd. You’re suffering when you don’t deserve to.

@lulu23 Why can’t I see it’s ocd then? I can’t trust anything anymore

@uwotm8 My ex fucked me up when he told me he loved me then kicked me out nothing makes sense anymore

@uwotm8 No one deserves to go through your amount of suffering. It’s sounds like you’ve been through a lot and much of it was out of your control. You can’t tell it’s ocd because you’re so deep in it. I couldn’t tell it was ocd when I thought I was dying of a heart attack and had to go to the emergency room over and over. I couldn’t tell it was ocd when I had sexual intrusive thoughts and thought I would end up in jail one day. Once I learned it was ocd I felt ok until years later. I never dealt with ocd I just lived with it then it attacked my mental health. Then I was sure it wasn’t ocd. I was sure I was losing my mind. But that’s when I learned I needed to stop making sure it was ocd because that became a compulsion in itself. I need to accept what I’m going through and not avoid life. I live life every day with a tight chest and struggling to breathe because of anxiety. But I do it because I’m tired of ocd getting in the way of living and enjoying life. The theme of ocd doesn’t matter at the end of the day they’re all just thoughts and feelings.

@lulu23 I can’t tell if it’s an ocd theme or not though that’s my problem how do I know it’s a theme of ocd or something I SHOULD worry about

@uwotm8 That’s you seeking reassurance. I’ve seen this theme online before. You aren’t the first or the last to have this theme. Ocd makes what we fear feel as real as it can get. When will you accept it’s ocd? When will you not care and just want to get better?

@lulu23 I do want to get better but like I can’t see if it’s real or something I should disregard because it feels like I shouldn’t and if I DO disregard I’ll be putting my relation ship and then as a result my life in danger

@uwotm8 I completely understand that. For One of my themes, accepting it literally meant I was accepting the chance to go to jail. After I got through it I realized I wasn’t really accepting going to jail I was just accepting the fear I had regarding my ocd. I hope the day comes when your realize you’re strong enough to face your worst fears because I think we all have the capability to do so. The more we avoid getting better the worse it may get with ocd and it seems like you let it get there already. The good news is there is always a way out of the hold that ocd has on us.