- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
If he leaves me for good that’s the end of me
- Date posted
- 5y
Oof can't even make up his mind?? :/
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s happened so many times I don’t even feel like his Girlfriend sometimes
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 What is he trying to do?? Like boy, make up your mind ?
- Date posted
- 5y
Have a good talk. Even if he leaves you for good (touch wood) it's not the end of you. In fact I think it's better to know is there any future for this relationship; I'm concerned the confusion can result in insecurity which feeds anxiety, which might exacerbate the situation.
- Date posted
- 5y
It really is I can’t stomach the idea I love him
- Date posted
- 5y
Obviously, outside looking in on limited information, it seems you have a codependent relationship with less than healthy norms.
- Date posted
- 5y
That does seem true - I struggle with codependency and had a previous partner that was hot and cold but I never left. If this is truly what’s happening it sounds emotionally abusive and you’d be better out of the relationship.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Sunrise22 Agreed.
- Date posted
- 5y
@CSquared He’s going through a lot and has done ever since I met him. His dad died a year ago, his ex (who’s a narcissist and abused him for ten years) owns a business with him and was harassing us at the start of the relationship, he never grieved properly for his dad, then he had to move house, his own health was up in the air from previous cancer treatment he underwent himself years ago and nownbis mother has been diagnosed with cancer too. Started her treatment yesterday. He’s not coping well, he’s drinking too much and at times has said “do you think we should stop seeing each other” about 6 times. He’s admitted he worries he’s pushing me away and he’s only “temporarily” feeling low due to his mothers shock diagnosis. He text me out of the blue today at work saying “I think I might need some space” then he fell asleep for hours and I assumed it was me he didn’t wanna see, so I got super upset. I have abandonment issues because MY ex partner suddenly threw me out after ten years with no warning so I am hyper sensitive to him now. But then again he did tell me to not go back to his today after work without explaining why...a few weeks after asking me to move in? Very confused
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 I would recommend listening to him and give him space. This means sending him a single text or leaving a single voicemail where you tell him you care about him and are available if he’s ready to talk. Then you go no contact and give him the space he wants. It’s hard and feels hurtful and counterintuitive, but giving him the space right now is best. If your relationship has a chance of succeeding long term, you need to actually give him what he’s asking for right now
- Date posted
- 5y
@Sunrise22 Well I did then he regretted it and picked me up
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 So there you go - giving someone space is going to do one of two things: one or both of you realizes that it’s better for you not to be together, or the person asking for space regrets it and comes back. Either one really is a positive even though it may not feel like it in the moment
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 @uwotm8 If he’s again asking for space, I would recommend really taking this time to decide if YOU want to have a partner who is asking for it repeatedly. Remember that you’re worthy of someone who is consistently available. Everyone needs space once in awhile but asking for it and then coming back repeatedly isn’t healthy - especially when in a relationship with someone like you who is so (rightfully) fearful of being abandoned.
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 I feel that the two of you now are in need of someone who is supportive.. it would be good for you two to be together if you could positively support each other.. but if like the above scenario..it seems like it's a challenge for him. Maybe your boyfriend is struggling.. like he feels unwell and needs to be alone and yet at the same time he wanna be sweet to you.. so he keeps swaying between wanna having distance and being with you. I'm not suggesting that you two are not suitable for each other which is dependent more on character than current personal health.. but you two might truly want to consider taking a break from the relationship.. then when both feel better then re-evaluate whether to continue with the relationship.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Last night I was staying at my boyfriend’s house and couldn’t sleep. I felt like i desperately needed to go back to my parents and clean and organize my room. This has happened a few times before when I was staying at his place. Since then he’s been very upset with me. Does anyone else’s partner do this? Any advice? It’s been hard. He’s made me feel so shameful for having OCD. As if it’s not tough enough /:
- Date posted
- 14w
I’m a 19 year old girl and I have relationship ocd. My bf (20) and I are in college and around 2 days ago he asked for a break via text and then we called after on the phone which was the last time we spoke. We’ve been doing medium/long distance (1-2hrs away from eachother). I’m his first serious relationship and girl he’s ever loved. He’s my first healthy relationship and he felt like home to me. We both date to marry and everything with him felt so finalized, as silly as it sounds. Due to life being life we haven’t been able to see eachother the past three ish weeks. During that time he became different, wasn’t as loving as he used to be, and I had to continuously ask him to call me and he only did once or twice for about 15 minutes. He’s incredibly busy and in a agricultural frat. Unfortunately, he seeks a lot of validation from his frat brothers. It’s funny too, because I absolutely hate frats since I feel like often, of course not always, but often, all frats are about partying and hookup culture. That’s ok, it’s just not my thing as that to me isn’t what I value. With my bf though, I still loved him anyway. My bf was different from the stereotypical frat guy douche. You truly would not guess that him of all people is in one. He has incredibly redeeming qualities - he’s so kind, always tries to do the right thing, is so gentle, hardworking, encouraging, sensitive and sometimes emotionally intelligent lol. Due to this he gets treated differently in the house and the brothers disrespected him constantly. He would literally cry about it in my arms or in his car multiple times. When he was in my arms I was tearing up because it hurt me to see him like that. It broke my heart, but he was always too afraid to speak up for himself. I got pissed so many times and said I will say something for him - I’d do literally anything for him to make him happy. It became very obvious to me that he’s seeking so much male validation to fit in even though he comes from a great family with two married parents, with his dad being an absolutely amazing person and two older brothers. Hes said so many times that he doesn’t belong at the frat and I agreed and would tell him it’s because he was too good for them. I think he’s changed now though, and he honestly wants to fully submerge himself into this frat. He’s also taking max credit classes and has a job. I’ve been working to transfer over to the school he is at and as of late I’ve been doing community college, doing therapy with NOCD, going to the gym, and finally getting a car and being able to drive. I find myself that in relationships I let the other persons mood define mine, and I minimize my needs to make them happier. I wish I wasn’t like this and that I was a normal person. I care so deeply about him and want the best for him and I. I think he saw that flaw in me and with the combined stress of us being busy and not seeing eachother, thought it was time for a break. We called after he sent the text and I sobbed and acted a fool on the phone and I was absolutley pissed st first but only because I care. That was our first phone call in a while. He was crying and sobbing and calling me baby and the last thing we said to eachother was I love you, with him initiating that. Not too long after he was quick to take a lot of our posts down and stop sharing his location. So I did the same, and then just deleted all of my social media. I don’t know if he unadded me on anything, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to see his posts. I don’t think he has any idea as to what he’s doing. I’ll never forget when I was his date to one of his frat formals and I spoke to an alumni for a long time. He said to my bf waiting for me while I was in the bathroom “you got a good girl, take care of her”. My bf told me after that happened, because it was sweet, but I don’t think he honestly knew what that man really meant. Because I think if my bf did understand; I wouldn’t have to practically beg him to acknowledge me with a “maybe we could call” text for weeks, he would’ve directly thanked my mom for all the gifts I bought him using her money, he would’ve actually looked my mom in the eyes when he’s talking to her, he would’ve made sure that with intimacy my needs were also satisfied - not just his, he wouldn’t have told me what makeup style I should wear and what celebrities/traits he finds attractive in other girls even though I’ve voiced I’m uncomfortable with it, he would’ve shown more interest in my hobbies and likes the way I did his, and lastly, he would’ve been more courteous about my feelings and put his ego aside. I mean I’d literally watch hour long videos about fucking warhammer even though I thought it was boring. I sent him an educational video about OCD that I don’t think he ever took the time to watch. Which hurts, because he knows it’s something about me that I discovered during our relationship. Meanwhile, while I have stuff to work on like every person ever, I understand that I don’t need to fit into a group to feel complete. I’ve been authentically myself, flawed and all. I’m not afraid to show my problems to people. I don’t think I’m better than him because I’m like this, but I think that’s where we’re at right now. He hurt me so much and if/when he decides to come back is when I let him. I want him to regret this and for us to work out, but only if there’s change. He said we should work on ourselves and I agree. I’m slowly feeling better, but this took so many people by surprise especially his brothers gf who I was incredibly close to. She also has OCD funnily enough, and we’ve privately bonded over our bfs just not understanding OCD or going to each other for relationship/self care advice. I don’t know what to do, he was home to me. I love him, but I don’t love his actions and I deserve more. I hope he realizes what he’s missing out on, regrets it, and truly understands my value.
- Date posted
- 14w
S-so uhm my bf (?) and I have been a little distant and his spotify yesterday was the same where it says that he's my future husband, and today, it was changed. L-like, i-is he g-go-gonna break up with me??? I'm so scared I'm nauseous and I don't want this stress to cause another seizure, but also kinda don't care at the same time because it would ha-have to be my fault??
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