- Username
- becca123
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Yes, it's common :(. But we know what we like and want deep inside and we'll eventually figure it out :)
There’s a boy ive been seeing since the summer and I’ve liked him a lot since then. And normally when I’m with him it can make my HOCD a little less just because I knew I liked Him. But every so often I get anxiety around him. Like we had a great weekend together this past weekend and I was so happy about it, then yesterday I was with him and i started getting anxiety wondering like do I really like him? And then it started feeling like I didn’t meanwhile I’ve been head over heels for this boy for a while now
Hi Becca, I can totally relate to you! I feel the same. When I talk to my boyfriend, it’s usually a little less. When I am not with him or by myself, anxiety spikes. Idk if you experience this but sometimes when I care a little too much about my friends or give other people attention, I start worrying if I am falling out of love with him. I feel like since I like him, I should be thinking of him 24/7 and he should be that one person I prioritize. Due to that, I think I am getting tired of him a lil sometimes lately...
I can really like relate to you, I really like this guy at my school and I've had a crush on him for almost 2 years and HOCD spiked only a year ago. I sonetimes doubt if I'm forcing it, but I'm somehow head over heels for him. Him and I don't speak a lot and only know each other through mutual friends but the gestures he makes at me just kinda like him. I also like liked him completely out of the blue so I always feel like I'm having compulsory heterosexuality :(
I feel this. I’m also terrified because I’ve hooked up with other guys and while I desired to have contact with them and make out, i wasn’t always into it and it wasn’t always great. Especially if it was a guy I wasn’t into. Now my brain is certain I’m gay. But we are stronger than this
Yes queen we are but I really hope to get my attraction back it was so natural and now has become so foreign :(
Yesss. Currently going through it :/
So me and him have been talking since the summer and have been hooking up ever since. I feel like me being the girl my crush on him was a little stronger than his crush on me. Like I always couldn’t wait for him to text me and stuff and I’ve been wanting to be serious with him but we decided to take things slow cause he didn’t want us to rush and I agreed. And now he’s showing more interest in me and treating me more like his girlfriend and I’m like not use to it but I liked it this whole weekend ofc. So then last night we were hanging out and there was one thing that turned me off about him and then I started having anxiety like wait do I not like him anymore now that he’s showing more interest in me or something, but the days before when he was I was loving it. And then I start thinking well what if this is a sign in actually a lesbian. Like I like a boy but then when he actually starts showing interest in my I start to not like him or something and it’s because I’m sub consciously a lesbian. Meanwhile I’ve had boyfriends in the past before I had HOCD and I was In love with them and none of this was ever a problem
But the funny thing is that I have friends that have told me that once a guy starts showing interest in them more they start not liking them as much. But I don’t honestly think that’s my case because he’s showed a lot of interest in me before and I’ve loved it
Ugh idk what to think
Sorry for the novel I’m just scared that I’m losing my strong feelings for him. Like I’ve literally liked this boy so much and have even told my friends how I feel like he might be the one I marry bc we have so much in common and get along so well
I feel you but at this point, I think best thing to do is not fight with your thoughts and tell yourself, “if it happens, it does. If not, there is someone better.” For me because I keep doubting my love for him & fight with thoughts, I feel like I push him away or start feeling numb. I think best is not to engage in thoughts.
I have this intuition that my crush and I our gonna meet someday again and like have something more. I can really relate to you. I've always liked guys but hocd makes me doubt if those feelings were really true :(
@chamomil& We are in this together. It sucks and it’s hard but glad to know we are not alone.
@Jennnn Yep, my crush and I had studied language together and it was all great but I feel like I only imagines it :(. I feel like my real memories or events were false
This just doesn’t make sense to me Sunday (I was so happy being with him and cuddling) and the yesterday (Monday) I was having anxiety if I actually like him or do I suddenly feel my feelings are going away. Maybe it’s just the fact that we are starting to get more serious that’s just scaring me
But we’ve gotten serious in the past and I was happy about it
Oof I can feel you :(. We are all going to get through this, I promise!!!
The sad part is I have felt like I could love this boy and I would hate to see these feelings for him vanish bc I know that I have liked him so much. I’m full of so much anxiety right now
Same as you, our OCD is literally such a bitch when it comes to our sexual and romantic feelings. Things so abstract and vulnerable to doubts. But I hope we all can get through and be with our favourite guys :)
I just hate this I went from absolutely loving the thought of being with this boy and getting all happy and giddy about it to now being scared and having anxiety
Same :(. I've always had attraction specifically only to guys since I was a kid, now I feel like I'm turning bi/gay and Im gonna fall in love with a girl instead of my crush (I honestly can't bear to think of a girl)
HOCDers: do any of you ever go through moments that feel like realisation or discovery of being gay (I hate this so much because I know I’m not) Also does your ocd ever make you feel funny about being straight when you know you are? Sometimes if I say to myself ‘I’m straight’ I get a sensation that isn’t quite anxiety, I don’t know if it’s a longing/missing just knowing?
I’ve reached a breaking point and people seem to be noticing. A week ago somebody had moved something at work on my desk and it bothered me so much it sent me into a breakdown. Like I’ve always had ocd and the more I think about it I feel like I’ve always had ROCD because growing up I’d have such strong feelings for boys and then as soon as I was about to date them, cut them off because in my head I was scared they would have to settle. Like I’d purposely find something I don’t like about them and then get scared I’d have to spend my life with them. I was 15, why would I be marrying them??? in my head it made sense though. Every connection I had with a boy was alway ruined with these thoughts. I’d be out on a date and then see another cute boy and then be like wow do I really want to go any further with the guy I’m on a date with if there are so many other guys out there??? How do I know they’re the one?? I didn’t even know ROCD was a thing but it makes sense that I’ve had it all my life right?? I always passed it off as being really picky but now it just seems like ROCD. And then my family really honing in on my relationships and asking when I’d get a boyfriend really fucked with me. In my head I’d be like “I’ll get one when I find the right one” but to them I always had a feeling they thought I was just gay. Like I’d get so defensive like hello I’m just picky!!! Then everyone at work started asking and the more they’d ask the more I’d start to worry. I’d be more cautious of the way I’d dress and things I’d do and I’m starting to think that all that started to build up and now I have HOCD. Does that seem like a possibility to anyone? because now the intrusive thoughts are just “what if you’re not picky and you’re just gay?” but then I think back to all the times and all the feelings I’ve had for so many guys that got ruined because of my fears of commitment. Could it have been ROCD all along?
HOCD, ROCD and TOCD . . . So my OCD recently all began with ROCD, I felt guilty all the time with my boyfriend, I wanted to stay with him so bad and I love him so much but my anxiety kept telling me to leave and that something wasn't right, that I'm going to be alone forever. Then my HOCD came up, "something doesn't seem right, what if you're actually gay?" and I struggled with this for about 2-3 months. After accepting that even if I am gay, I'm staying with my boyfriend.. The theme of being a transgender came up. That was the absolute worst of them all. It was at a time my anxiety was at its Peak so I was feeling disassociated and my mind just tried to explain that feeling as "you're in the wrong body". I was thoroughly convinced I was a man in a girls body for a solid 3 weeks, I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind "your a man and now youre going to lose your boyfriend, your life and everything that makes you, you." I didn't want to be a man, but my mind was saying "too bad, you are". I eventually went to therapy for this feeling, (they didn't diagnose me with OCD so they weren't treating me as an OCD patient) the thoughts eventually went away but now I'm back on my HOCD. Ive now thorougly convinced myself that I'm gay and will be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don't want to be and this thought scares me. I want to be with my boyfriend, not a woman. But my mind is saying "too bad, just accept that your a lesbian, you're in denial, just come out" but I don't want to be a lesbian ? can anyone relate to the feeling of convincing yourself to the point where you believe it?
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