Struggling. Several months ago I told my gf about some nasty habits I had and something I had done that I felt great shame about and it hurt her deeply. Over time certain details would pop up in my head and I would again admit more things that hurt her further. But I felt I needed to come clean. Some of those things I’m not even sure REALLY happened. (That’s where the ocd starts) Now I will think of things I’ve done in my past and during our relationship that may hurt her more and often times things I’m not sure I actually did at all. But it’s possible. I feel deep shame and the only thing that makes me feel better is confessing to her, even if I’m not so sure that these things happened. I beat myself up about this ALOT. And on certain days I need reassurance that I don’t need to tell her more details or any things that I’m unsure about. She has basically requested to not hear additional details because she knows what I did and it’s just hurtful to keep talking about. as we have done an amazing job moving past things as a couple and I’m on a WHOLE other level on my journey into masculinity. I can just live as a better man every day and I should be so grateful for that opportunity but I can’t seem to let it go with these “what if I did this” thoughts..

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

You're caught in a compulsion loop. It happens to the best of us. Can you think of even one time when you wanted to confess but didn't? Or when you delayed it for a bit? Getting out of the loop requires building confidence that you can do it

matt_

Date posted: 5y

Yes I’ve delayed it and fought it on many occasions. It’s such a destructive behavior but I have that thing inside telling me “she has to know this in order for you to move on” it kills me. What exactly is a compulsion loop. Thank you for responding ❤️

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@matt_ Have you given yourself the opportunity to find out if OCD is lying about that?

matt_

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I believe it is lying about that but sometimes it feels so real. Some days I feel good about it but other days I just feel so guilty and can’t focus on anything because of it. Is ERP the first step here? How do I KNOW that OCD is lying to me

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@matt_ Can we be more specific about what feeling "real" actually means? By bet is that you're trying to say that the thought caused some kind of strong emotion

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie And yes, my suggestion would be to call OCD's bluff. Stick to your guns, don't confess, and see how long it takes for OCD to give up

matt_

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie By real I mean that the thought causes me to think this isn’t ocd and that I actually need to do something about the situation. (Confess, perform my compulsions, prove that I’m worthy of my relationship and not a horrible person)

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@matt_ What is it about the thought that does that? Is it like magical words "this isn't OCD"? Is it a feeling of doubt? A clenched stomach?

matt_

Date posted: 5y

It’s a feeling of doubt and shame I think. Like I said. I don’t feel worthy or capable of being the best version of myself because I did something wrong

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

Can you think of other times you felt doubt or shame and the feeling was inaccurate?

matt_

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Yes. Very likely From my childhood

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@matt_ Good. That means you have some examples to remind you that feelings aren't facts

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