Guys I neeed someone to talk to like now it's been about 8 days since I lost my virginity but I'm so fucking paranoid about being pregnant and I don't feel pregnant but I just am so convinced and I don't know it's OCD or if I am but I don't think i can deal with this I don't wanna have an abortion and if I do I'm not gonna be able to tell my parents I'll have to do it alone and my life's a mess

*tmi warning* I'm so worried im a P. Ive been crying daily unable to do anything else but ruminate over my real events. When i was 14 (before ocd) i was watching adult content and it was censored. The woman had similar features like hair and skin color as my niece. I remember noticing that and saying "huh i guess I'll imagine that as the adult version of my niece" and I did and after i was finished i moved on and didnt think anything was wrong. I dont know if i ever thought about that again? Its so blurry ocd keeps saying i did it again in a different time but i dont remember its too blurry and its scaring me so badly! I didnt even remember this till like literally last week and i wanted to die! Im 20 for context. When I remembered i immediately broke down in tears. I vaguely rmemeber this other thought i had of her when self pleasuring when I was 16??? I think it was a testing thought out of distress? But im not sure at all! It was extremely vague image and unrealistic i dont think I liked it but maybe i did?! Im so distressed its like i remmeber 2 versions of this particular event which is why I think its ocd false memories from there. Ive been ruminating and spiraling for almost a week. I keep crying i havent ate well at all in days ive been honestly dehydrating myself and i cannot sleep. I feel like a monster. I did the mistake of researching last night and kept comparing myself to the "criteria" of those sickos and like I felt so distressed. I also have been asking ai for hours on end everyday. I feel so distressed im literally crying rn as i write this i cant calm down i feel like this sick individual even tho I dont even like thinking of that at all i dont think I meant ill intent when i was a teen but its killing me inside. I would NEVER harm anyone nor want to or plan to, deep down i know I would never act out in those evil ways but like whats killing me is what if im attracted?! Is this a sign?! Am i one of those people?! Am i attracted to my niece bc of those 2 maybe even 3(??)thoughts years ago?! Did i mean ill intent?! Am I an actual danger?! Am I a monster??? I have so many urges to confess to my mom im so scared what this all means or could mean. I feel so alone and scared. Like legit whenever i get intrusive thoughts about gross stuff i feel disgusted and anxious and push it away. Those thoughts do not bring me pleasure whatsoever but this real event is making me doubt my own identity 😔

So basically, I’ve been with my husband six years already I’m 24 and he’s 25th. We don’t have that much money at the moment but I’m trying to work as hard as I can to save so when I become a mom I can be able to stay at home. But last week our condom broke during my ovulation period and I’m afraid I may be pregnant. My husband say that he loves me but he doesn’t want babies at this moment and he want me to drink something to take “care” of it. I don’t want to but he said we don’t have money and he’s not able to give us the life he wants for us. I’m having suicidal thoughts and my anxiety it’s just driving me crazy. I don’t know what can I do to calm down and stop thinking about it cuz it’s driving me crazy .

I'm a minor, and I'm embarassed to talk with my parents about this. I have always has intrusive thoughts. Disturbing ones. Since i am a child. Sometimes I ruminated about them, but I usually forgot about them after a while. Now, I've been in this amazing 1 year relationship and I felt real love for the first time. I felt new, loved, I felt ready to marry and have his kids in the momment we had economical stability and could live together. Since march, I've been a mess. In march, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep (i would have horrible nightmares where I cheated on my boyfriend, most of the times with women), and I would find myself in the same tracksuit 7 days a week, incapable of taking a bath, even tho I am obsessed with my visual image (I am goth, and I love to style my clothes, treat my hair and everything). I talked with him about this, and I cried so much, I asked him "what if we need to take a break?" And ge calmly said he would wait for me all the time i needed, while giving me cookies on the mouth because i was not able to pick them myself. "Depression, erection, whatever, I'll always be here" he said joking. God I love him. We agreed to make a break but we couldn't handle it. We got back later that day. I felt reliefed and that night, I was able to eat and sleep, but next day it was all over again. And with this "you don't love him" thought, these came too: "you are a lesbian", "maybe you like your ex", "look at that guy there, you like him", "you dont give your man attention enough", "you're getting bored", "just by having these thoughts you are already cheating on him", "you don't care anymore if he cheats on you", "HE IS CHEATING ON YOU, YOU ARE TRASH, HE WANTS HIS EX", "your relation will end just like your last one". And this sensation too, that I consider to be the worse: Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend and my ex are mixed up. Context- I broke up with my ex last year, cause he would not give me personal space, and I couldn't take it anymore. I knew what I felt. But now, sometimes my mind tells me that I'm still with my ex, that my pictures with my boyfriend are false, and it's my ex there, my mind tells me I like to think about this but I don't. What if I do?? I'm going crazy. When I look ate the plushies my boyfriend gave me my mind tells me "It was your ex who gave them to you". When I'm watching a serie "that character looks like your ex". And this was the worst situation: once, I was with my boyfriend and we were having sex. Suddenly my mind told me I was having sex with my ex and not with my boyfriend. (My boyfriend is the first and only one who ever saw me and touched me that way.) I panicked. I pushed him away, telling to get off of me, crying, almost yelling, I couldn't see my beautiful boy there, and it hurted so much. I beggined to pull my own hair, scratch my own legs and punch my own face. But my boyfriend was there. He huged me, and for the first time, I felt uncomfortable with him because I couldn't tell who he really was. I stayed in that mood for like 2 weeks in july, and now it started again. Please, someone help me. Kind words, but mostly advices are needed