i came across this thing on twitter with this checklist of things you think/say/do if you’re a closeted lesbian and I read through it and I’m freaking out. my hocd hasn’t been bad recently but that just made me go insane somebody PLEASE PLEASE help me I’m going to cry I don’t know what to do

i saw a tweet that said “people who don't know they're lesbians yet: my taste for men is so weird and my standards are SOOOO high it's almost impossible for any man to actually grab my attention haha... i also don't really wanna be around men very much? i wish i was a lesbian but i am not, so :( anyway!”

and the article was in the replies because i went through them because the tweet really scared me

@rlr Let's see if the chain of events maps onto the OCD cycle. From what I'm understanding, seeing that tweet triggered some doubt about your own identity. You felt scared. Then you read the replies, thinking that they might make you feel better. I'm guessing that reading them didn't?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie exactly!

@rlr So what happened next?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie i read that article/checklist and it made everything worse. i started to panic (short of breath, felt hot, heart rate raised, etc) and i wanted to cry. i feel like when this happens i lost sight of my true identity and begin questioning everything so that makes everything much worse.

@rlr And then you posted here. Your distress stayed high, probably because you didn't get any reassuring responses, so you made a second post. Do you see the OCD cycle in this?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie yes I do. thank you for helping me realize this. it’s so easy for me to convince myself I don’t have ocd or hocd even though I’ve been diagnosed by 2 different psychologists. I also (for reassurance out of panic) texted a friend of mine who is queer and asked her if she ever felt anxious with her old boyfriend because she wasn’t attracted to him and she said yes. which made me even more triggered because I always see things on here about how only people with hocd get anxious about their sexuality but with actual queer people they become comfortable with learning or realizing they are gay

@rlr Is there anything you can learn from this experience to make a plan for the next time the doubt rears up?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie yeah I guess to stop seeking reassurance, but it’s hard. I first came to this app but when nobody answered me I felt I had to go to someone else because I was in such a panic

@rlr The nature of a forum like this is a double edged sword. It's not reasonable to expect immediate responses because it's a message board, not a live chat. On one hand, that can make the distress feel more intense in the moment. On the other, it can help recovery by forcing us to delay gratification

@NOCD Advocate - Katie that’s very true. it’s just hard when you’re in a panic to delay gratification

@rlr That's why we have to make plans when we're calm. No one thinks really well when emotions are strong

@NOCD Advocate - Katie that’s true.