Hi everyone. I’m new here, just installed the app. I have suffered from all different types of OCD since I was about 12. I’m 21 now. When I was 12 I suffered from harm OCD and feared that I would kill/hurt myself to the point that I got so confused and actually thought I wanted to die. I had no idea what OCD was when I was 12 and it was terrifying. I couldn’t even bear to say the word “suicide” without having intense panic. This went away and it doesn’t bother me anymore, but I am now suffering from ROCD (relationship OCD). I’m in a very happy and healthy relationship, but I have this nagging feeling of anxiety and my brain telling me I could be happier if I was single and I’m lying to myself and don’t actually love my boyfriend even though he’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I get panicked when I think of how I felt when I had this crazy crush in high school on this boy who never liked me back and how I don’t feel that strongly toward my boyfriend. I start checking how turned-on I feel during kissing or sex and start panicking to the point that I go numb and don’t feel anything at all and panic more as a result. I’m in constant doubt that it isn’t ROCD and that I’m just lying to myself, but I feel so strongly in love with him when my anxiety dies down and so I get so so confused. Has anyone else been through this? Sorry for the long post.

SHIFTER

Date posted: 5y

Any any time , don't revel this weakness fully to anyone, some bad people Used it against me. Best of luck , anytime happy to help

👻

Date posted: 5y

It’s something I’m struggling with differentiating but I know I get a lot of anxiety when I get these thoughts and I feel an urge to google and seek reassurance for somewhere

ahazlett

Date posted: 5y

I definitely struggle a lot with it too and I seek a lot of reassurance from my mom and I also struggle with self-reassurance even though I know that’s bad. I guess if it wasn’t OCD then we wouldn’t be seeking reassurance?

SHIFTER

Date posted: 5y

Must share with the partner slowly by slowly but make sure u have a deep secret of his in exchange just incase . This is not professional advice it's what I would do

ahazlett

Date posted: 5y

I have shared with him and he’s the sweetest thing ever and does his best to understand and he’s always there to calm me down and comfort me.

SHIFTER

Date posted: 5y

Next step don't get carried away sharing with him share the normal things like don't make him get bored of your condtion you get me just be moderated in sharing, and see how it is with him slowly slowly , cuz I am sure this thought will disappear cuz I think it just like what I have when there is happy moment brain dose that drama to make happniess balance cuz brain thinks it's protacting ur feelings that way incase anything happens between both of you the. Ur brain is prepared with the thoughts, I think you are very attached to him and you scared he leave you or you scared of getting hurt that's why ur brain trying to balance this way ,dose it make any sense ?

ahazlett

Date posted: 5y

That makes a ton of sense! I’ve thought that before too. Because I go from feelings of really intense love and attachment to him and I feel so happy that it turns back to sad and then I start obsessing again and worrying that I don’t love him or want to date him and it’s a cycle.

SHIFTER

Date posted: 5y

I know the feeling excatly and I know that circal you have it in live life I have it everywhere I guess my condtion is advanced , but am very senstive person so I think sometimes it might not be so bad to have this balancing habbit spically when things related to work, am so so happy that I help a little .

ahazlett

Date posted: 5y

It helps to know I’m not the only one who goes through this so thank you!

SHIFTER

Date posted: 5y

I doubt it, I think reassurance is built in in many many many habbits and disorders . Me I have to asksomtimes as am socially isolated and at times I really have real decisions that I need second opinion on

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