How do I stop reacting to my thoughts? I feel helpless because I have a constant need to reassure myself. . . . I realize that your thoughts can be so overwhelming that you would do anything to stop them. The cycle of obsession-anxiety-reassurance is exhausting and can pull us away from the things we truly care about. Remember though that these thoughts are just your OCD and aren’t a reflection of who you are. But reassurance-seeking is a compulsion, and there are ways to unlearn our compulsive behaviors. One strategy is “doing nothing.” Don’t even take a moment to acknowledge the thought (or feeling or sensation) has occurred, and simply persist through the activity you’re in. Ignoring thoughts is similar to one of the main goals of OCD treatment: becoming able to experience thoughts without reacting to them. But, in and of itself, it’s a very difficult thing to do; and if it comes in the form of avoidance, it might be counterproductive. Similarly, you could take the exposure-based approach of purposely thinking the thought and “welcoming” the thought while resolving not to check. If you’ve worked with an OCD therapist, you might be familiar with the concept of exposure and response prevention (ERP). This means you’re not using any compulsions when you feel anxiety kicking in. Developing strategies for response prevention takes time, and there are no simple answers. Although ERP is the most effective type of therapy for OCD, it can’t work without the response prevention part. If we’re not preventing ourselves from temporarily escaping anxiety, we can’t learn how to do anything else. In general, once they’ve designed some response prevention strategies together, therapists may ask their clients to deliberately intensify their anxiety when they’re in specific situations and it kicks in. Making an exposure out of these difficult situations can help us be more deliberate in our responses and grow from the moment of anxiety, rather than just suffering through it or spending time and energy on compulsions. So, again, working with an OCD therapist is the best way to learn how to create exposures and respond to anxiety without falling back into the same old compulsive cycle.

So maybe the title wasn't the best to to put it but when you guys start having obsessive thoughts how do you stop them before it turns into compulsions and anxiety?

OK, this might sound really dumb, but when you guys get intrusive thoughts, do they just come once and then go away? I’ve heard that repeatedly thinking about an intrusive thought is considered ‘checking,’ but it doesn’t feel like I have any control over how many times it comes up in my head. It’s not like I’m trying to check anything—it just keeps showing up, almost like it’s terrorizing me every time. I can’t seem to stop it from looping, stop remembering it, or prevent it from coming up. Every time it does, I feel horrified, and I already know it’s going to horrify me. I don’t think I’m actively trying to see if my feelings have changed, so is this still considered checking? How do other people get an intrusive thought and just move on? Doesn’t it pop up a million times for them too? I always thought that was normal, but now I’m hearing this could be a compulsion, and I feel really confused, scared, and lost. Is this why my OCD feels so extreme? Because I really don’t feel like I can control how many times the thought pops up.

When I was a child, before I knew this was OCD, I struggled with constant "magical thinking" compulsions (don't step on the crack or mom's back will actually break, etc). When I later learned this was OCD, it almost immediately solved it. Any time I got a magical thought, I would say to myself "that's just an OCD thought. ignore it." and it just stopped coming! Like seriously it fixed the magical thinking stuff forever. But of course the OCD has resurfaced in other ways. So naturally, I've tried to use the same strategy since I had so much success with it previously. But I wonder sometimes if telling myself "that's just OCD" is almost functioning as a reassurance compulsion? I hate how meta this gets. For example, I have ROCD that comes and goes. So sometimes I'll get a thought like "what if i'm still in love with my ex?" and then I'll tell myself "that's obviously just an ROCD thought" and will feel relief, almost like reassurance. But it comes back. So is telling myself that it's OCD a reassurance compulsion ?? It's just so weird because it worked so perfectly as a kid with the magical thinking thing.