- Username
- billnye
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I think I may be understanding what you’re saying... Personally, along with being obsessive, my thoughts (usually about a topic I’m currently obsessed with) are so rapid and so random I have a hard time making sense of them. If I close my eyes I can “feel” my thoughts traveling at speeds I can’t explain, they do feel like they are being set of by “chain reactions” of other thoughts but I don’t understand where they come from. This leads to anxiety because one of my obsessions is “understanding everything” (which I know is impossible) and how can I understand if I can’t even keep up with my own thoughts. Sticky notes, white boards, highlighters, and the notes app on my phone help me to keep track of some of my thoughts. But ultimately accepting the fact that I can’t keep track of them all (which does bother me). And don’t get me started on trying to explain those thoughts to another person (especially a therapist). My thoughts move so fast I stutter, can’t get my main points across and start to panic. (For example: it’s taken me 30 min, 8 proof reads, and 3 retypes to create this response.) Having a list of bullet points helps me to keep on track and try to make sense of what I’m saying. I don’t know if that’s what you were asking but I hope you can see that you’re not alone, even if it is in the smallest ways. Stay strong!
Thanks bro means a lot. Pocd is tough but the people on this app make things easier for me.
Pocd just started for me. And I seeked help fast. I had to be open and honest and it was really tough. I have had much success this week. Just need to keep doing ERP.
I have had it years. Only started therapy with an ocd specialist recently and haven’t done erp yet
I’m glad you’re making progress!
@billnye Thanks!
Your right. Understanding other people's OCD can help and also cause a new OCD. That happened to me the past few weeks.
I get that too! But what I’m saying is the thoughts race so much that I can’t make sense of them, and I get triggered by things that should necessarily trigger me making a weird chain reaction of thoughts that I can’t understand
Write down your thoughts throughly. Even if you forget some of them.
i've done this so i can say it helps. literally wrote down every single thought in my head during a breakdown. made me realize how illogical everything sounded in my brain.
Your therapist will help. You found the right place! Speak your mind!
Proud of you!
@kyleflann That was a great description. I sometimes have that going on where I can feel my thoughts going by so fast. I also want to analyze and understand a lot and so I tell myself that I don’t have to analyze and figure everything out. That usually helps me to let it pass then. Are you taking any medication? I found that once I started taking an SSRI that my thoughts weren’t all over the place so much anymore.
I’m not currently taking any medications. I’ve tried 5 different types of SSRIs, while they do decrease my symptoms of OCD and slow down my thoughts, they tend to also cause me depression and an increase in intrusive thoughts of self harm (for me it was like a trade-off). It’s frustrating at times but I’ve found it better for me personally to find and learn ways to live with my OCD. Not saying one way is easier than the other (because both are constant battles) but I’d personally rather live with my OCD thoughts than the 24/7 intrusive thoughts of self harm that the SSRIs seemed to give me. But, I’m really glad they seem to be working great for you! That’s awesome to hear!
Billnye- It’s the GeneSight psychotropic test. You can google it online to find out more info about it, but I believe you have to go through a doctor since it’s a blood test?
Ok thank you
Yes. Everything gets really cloudy. And doing my compulsions (which for me are purely mental) honestly can make things more cloudy. It's like patching a hole in your jeans - it's fixed for now, but the fix weakens the integrity of the fabric and you have to keep mending the patch.
Instead of mending a patch, think of a series of speed bumps on fresh asphalt. Over time those compulsion are big bumps, and as you rethink of the same thought. Your drive over that bump and making the bump smaller. I'm just trying to relate to the SUD's rating from therapy. Overtime your compulsions should be less cloudy. I hope.
Kyleflann - totally get it. I used to not be able to take ssris because of terrible side effects. It was easier to deal with the ocd then feel crappy all day long. This is just a thought that you might want to consider? There is a blood test that you can take to find out what ssris are compatible for you. Maybe the 5 different ones you took were not right for you? Not sure?
Can you elaborate on this blood test? Is this something your doctor would take care of for you?
I think I’m at a point where I can no longer be helped. My thoughts seem too convincing, I can’t talk to anyone in my life about them. I feel like I’m going to be stuck with this mindset for the rest of life and I’m just going to continue to get crazier. I’m too afraid to interact with people irl because I’m afraid they’ll notice something is up, or that I’ll get thoughts. Almost my whole life is being consumed by these thoughts, I noticed a lot of things that used to keep track of in my day to day life I’ve completely forgot about. I’m worried if I see a therapist I’ll get misdiagnosed and only get worse. Everytime I try to remind myself of old morals my mind tells me that I was only being brainwashed and that I’m trying to brainwash myself again. It feels like I don’t even want to go back to my old life, it feels like I only want to follow these thoughts and see where they lead me and it sucks that I predicted all of this would happen. That my mind would come up with more unwanted stuff and I’d forget about everything I’ve ever cared about and become lost in confusion. I think I’d rather see someone in person than online, but I’m not sure about the therapists in my area or if they’ve ever even seen anything like what I’m going through. I don’t even know if it’s ocd anymore, but I really wish I could get out of this. It feels like I’m getting worse everyday even though I know it’s just all in my head and I need to let it go and focus on real life but I can’t stop worrying about what’s in my mind and what happening to me and what’s going to happen.
Anyone else feel like your mind is so trained to react and be scared of thoughts that a thought doesn’t even have to fully form for you to be scared or already know you need to do a compulsion? And then your brain makes something up. Idk how to explain it but I feel like sometimes I’m going insane and it’s freaking me out because my thoughts aren’t full thoughts and they are often so hard to even explain that I’m afraid no one will understand them
does anyone feel like ever since they started with intrusive thoughts / compulsions that you feel as if your brain has turned to mush and your intellect has vanished. it’s really hard for me to string sentences together & i feel as if everyone who speaks about ocd has this way of putting it that i never will be able to. i’m still untreated & in the dark to be honest. when it comes about speaking about what ive been through as well i can’t remember everything only the really bad episodes, it’s like my brain is hiding it away from me waiting for a day for me to remember and traumatise me all over again. i’m also petrified of saying the wrong things to people and potentially worsening their ocd or seeming to be uneducated about it and like i have no idea what i’m talking about. i’m still learning but i’m frustrated that i feel as if i still don’t know anything. does that make sense?
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