i just has a thought that i would like to share... i think that a lot of teens could be going through HOCD in this day and age because there is so much about the LGBTQ community in the media (not like that’s a bad thing btw) back in the day, like maybe the 90s, HOCD was categorised as “fear of being gay” not “fear of being bi” i think a lot of us teens have a fear of being bi because that is seen as a valid sexuality but back in the day i don’t think it was. it was either all or nothing. being gay used to be seen as such a taboo so back then if you were to tell anyone you were getting intrusive thoughts about being gay it would be seen as ghastly and horrible. but now you tell someone who doesn’t get the nature of Pure O and they’d say “oMg iTs 2020 aCcEpT yOuRsElF, gEt WiTh ThE tImEs” which makes it harder for us teens to get through this. i also had a thought that depending on whether you’re a girl or guy, HOCD is difficult in different ways most straight girls watch lesbian porn cus it focuses on female pleasure - HOCD manipulates that i’ve seen tweets saying shit like “how are women even straight have you see a woman naked?” - like sis....really? i’ve seen articles saying women are never straight either bi or lesbian- ....anyways.... - being a straight girl going through HOCD, seeing all that is difficult and not only this but HOCD is focused heavily on straight men and it really pisses me off. all the books i’ve real on HOCD all talk about men specifically and their groinal responses and it’s like...what about me? for guys: the groinal response is more noticeable that’s the biggest struggle i could think of for guys since i don’t know what you guys go through exactly i’ve been told by people that i give of a bisexual vibe because i’m quirky....i literally don’t even know at this point, i could breathe and someone would be like “oMg YoUrE sO bIsExUaL” (ง'̀-'́)ง i kinda want HOCD to be spoken about more cus i feel like it’s one of those OCD subcategories that aren’t really deemed as that important since being gay isn’t a taboo anymore. i feel this way too with ROCD these have just been my thoughts, agree or not idc i just wanted to express my feelings ( ˘ ³˘)♥

I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?

I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.

I was wondering if this also happened to anyone. I grew up very open-minded and allowed myself to question my sexuality when I was younger. I explored feelings for both genders and attraction to them from afar, because I didn't have any friends or experiences to guide me through them. When I started dating, I was open to both but slowly and surely naturally phased out women. It always felt performative, like pretending to be upset they didn't respond, choosing who to be attracted to, and while present with them, wanting to back away or feeling a level of discomfort. When my SO-OCD started, these experiences made it very difficult to navigate the anxieties and intrusive thoughts. My thoughts often circled back to the idea that if I wasn't attracted to women, I wouldn't have tried to in the first place. This type of thought is like a Catch-22. On one hand, I am surveying my past actions or memories for any signs of true attraction or trying to pick at moments where I could prove that I was actually uncomfortable. On the other hand, the thought of being uncomfortable with a moment is tainted in my brain because of the idea that I could just be in denial. Any emotion I've ever had gets scrutinized in hindsight, making it feel like any way in which I feel is wrong. SO-OCD has been particularly difficult because of the fact that I've never been pejorative towards being queer or the LGBTQ+ community. It goes against my own values whether or not I am actually queer or actually straight. I remember growing up in an environment (whether school, family, or friends) that was always lined with prejudice towards any type of outsider - OCD makes me feel ashamed for my own want to understand any group or background different from my own. Essentially, I wanted to know if that's also something that plagues others with SO-OCD. For me, no matter what side of the fence I fall on my OCD rewrites it as bad: Either I'm in denial and lying to everyone even though they already secretly know, or I'm a homophobe. Sometimes they even mix. It doesn't make any sense.