- Date posted
- 5y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y
I agree 100% with everything you just said! I feel like more people experience this than we know, I don’t know how someone could NOT experience this. No one wants to talk about it because immediately people will say “it’s ok I support you if your gay/lesbian” so no one is going to want to talk about it. Today’s acceptance for LGBT+ people is great but it only fuels our HOCD wired brains more and more unfortunately. And I am not an extremely feminine girl, I have my days, I love to get girly and dressed up, but for the most part, I wear tshirts every day, no makeup, and have a very athletic build so I’ve definitely experienced the “oh you must like girls because of the way you look” and man that gets me on a spiral like no other hahah.
- Date posted
- 5y
I totally understand what you mean! I'm not even really sure how I got past it but somehow I got to a point where it stopped feeling like it mattered so much what my orientation is? I mean, even now I'm not really 100% sure, but for some reason it doesn't feel as urgent and scary, and I'm okay with not strictly defining it. It's weird how brains deal with these things. But I wish you luck in dealing with it, I know it's really difficult.
- Date posted
- 5y
I agree with u. I was straight and happy living my life but hocd has been messing my head up so much that it’s almost took my life one day..I am still struggling but I am recovering slowly. It’s just so hard to tell other about this because they would just not understand thinking I am either lesbian or bi or homophobic
- Date posted
- 4y
hi, i think i saw one of your more recent posts and that you now identify as bisexual? can you elaborate on how hocd made you realize that?
- Date posted
- 4y
@missbluesky I just woke up one day with these thoughts that made me feel sick and wouldn’t leave me alone
- Date posted
- 5y
I don't have HOCD but I appreciate your insight. It seems like quite a few people have trouble accessing treatment or social support because of assumptions of homophobia or that it's "denial". That's so tricky, because HOCD isn't well known whereas severe coming-out anxiety is. I think it's also important to remember that the stigma is still a factor for a lot of people with HOCD- they may have gay or bi friends and family, but fear the uncertainty of the potential impact on their lives of the fear were true. Not just because it would be contrary to their sense of self and their hopes for the future, but because it really could bring judgment, violence or discrimination. Magolor has definitely found the key on HOCD by getting to that point, it can for sure be reached through reasoning and response-prevention. What's wild is that for people with HOCD, it's an incredibly triggering prospect to think of living without defining your orientation, because it feels so urgent while you're in the OCD. And yet it really is the answer. Some people will eventually have a very strong knowledge of their sexuality, some won't. I've never had HOCD and I don't know my sexuality or need to know or to put labels on it, as it seems 99.9% irrelevant to my life. I simply flirt with or date who I want. I watch the porn I want. I don't even think about it. When people ask about my sexuality I basically say "beats me". When I get a strong crush, I imagine a future with the person. Nothing about my sexuality can ever harm me because I don't harbour ideals about what my romantic life needs to look like. There's no part of me which is ever going to take some demented grip of my choices against my will and tell me that from now on I must and am only allowed to date some specific subset of people, I'm in charge of my choices. I believe everybody with HOCD can get to the same point as me.
- Date posted
- 5y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 5y
Exactly!! I'm a teenager dealing with this and since my anxiety spiked, my thoughts are telling me I'm lesbian or bi :/ Keep in mind that I HAVE NEVER felt any sexual or romantic attraction towards girls. I might have found them aesthetically attractive, but nothing more. It sucks man!
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah I can't talk to my parents about this bc they would just think that I'm gay
- Date posted
- 5y
Idk how you feel about this but I'd think in some ways it'd help because a lot of the time the key to dealing with an obsession is to not be afraid of the uncertainty, like the obsession has less power when the idea of it being true doesn't scare you as much? BUT maybe that doesn't explain it entirely because obviously there are still plenty of people who suffer from HOCD. For a while I dealt with something like HOCD (except it was more fear of being straight, so it was just flipped) - and actually it's interesting to wonder about cuz it's not like being straight is taboo in society. But I think the thing that the obsession latches onto is the uncertainty, and the fear of secretly not being what you think you are? At least in my experience that's sorta what it was like. I don't know if this helps with anything but it's just what your thought made me think about
- Date posted
- 5y
i definitely agree. im a bisexual woman my self so going through hocd was especially hard for me. the constant pressure to have ur sexuality figured out is immense and very very damaging esp with something like hocd.
- Date posted
- 5y
This is very true. Plus, a lot of articles talk only about HOCD as "the fear of being gay", but they don't mention that there are also lesbian/gay/bisexual/etc people that is also suffering from HOCD/SO-OCD.
- Date posted
- 5y
Truth is that a huge number of people on this app act like you just shat in your cornflakes if you bring up that fact at all. So that's a consequence of the fact articles don't talk about it. I've had people with HOCD demand I provide evidence that non straight people can have HOCD and in truth I hardly find anything at all online but there are LITERALLY people right here on this app who have had that experience.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you for this. Very important topic that’s unfortunately really relatable
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
So my ocd theme changed to sexual orientation ocd last December after I heard a popular video "hi, I'm Gibby" and I went like the Gibby sounds like "gay", then I started saying the phrase and over days, I started getting intrusive thoughts "I'm gay" .(I have had other ocd themes: (magical thinking ocd, symmetry ocd, health concern ocd, religious and spirituality ocd and harm ocd ever since I was 12, they just come and go)....I struggle with other conditions(ASD and bipolar disorder). I have never struggled with sexuality or questioned it because I have only liked males right from when I was in grade 1🥲...I still like them. SO-OCD is very frustrating because deep down I know I'm straight and there's no evidence I'm not but the intrusive thoughts and compulsions to get relief (the cycle) won't stop. I'm on fluoxetine(Prozac) and it did help my symptoms but lately I realised I'm more consumed with compulsions and idk but I think it's reducing the effects of the drugs?.. I see an attractive female and my mind goes like you found her attractive you must be gay or I want to go out and do sumn"what if you discover you like them or are gay" ...idk it's frustrating, very and I'm tired. I don't even get turned on by same sex or any😭that what even makes it more confusing.+ It's almost like I'm now hypervigilant when Watching videos or Instagram reels...it making me forget that finding someone physically attractive≠sexual attraction...idk if anyone gets me...(Rn my ocd themes are SO-OCD and religious and spirituality ocd) SO-OCD is frustrating, I'm tireddd...how can I never have struggled with sexuality for almost a decade and half but I'm having it now(it's started two months ago)...who has had/have this theme??
- Date posted
- 22w
Hey everyone. I wanted to share my story and some of the things I have/am experiencing in my journey with OCD- particularly with Sexual Orientation OCD. My goal is not to use this as a means for reassurance for myself or for any other, rather as to be a reminder for myself and you all that you are NOT alone. No matter what you are experiencing you aren’t alone, and we have all gone through the same thoughts and feelings as you, in whatever form they may have been. For personal reasons I will not share my name, but I do want to share about me and my journey with what has truly been one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. I am a 24 year old female and for as long as I’ve remembered I’ve always been a “worrier”. My dad used to tell me that worrying will be the fastest way I’d die lol. Oh! How I wish I could go back to those days of just simply worry. For the past few years I have struggled with what I now know is intrusive thoughts. But, luckily for me they were a little calmer than what I’ve experienced now. They were the occasional worrying that my boyfriend died but I would get over it rather quickly. Well, in may of 2024, I had just graduated college, was about to get married and about to move out. So, that triggered some switch in my brain and thus began this horrible disease of OCD. My main type has been SO-OCD but I have found some moments that I’ve also struggled with ROCD as well as some existential crisis OCD. I have unfortunately not been able to go to therapy because of money but I am on meds and have been using tips and tricks I’ve found online. My goal is to still go to therapy when I can find the right time. And I, like many of you have months of great “freedom” from the disease; and then, like I find myself now, fall back into its trap. I wanted to share some of the things I’ve experienced with this to see if y’all have experienced the same things and to let you know you are not alone. For reference, I am straight (I am happily married to my wonderful husband). 1. Thoughts from the past: I slightly remember having a thought that I’d be gay when I was around 12-13… that was around the time I actually first figured out what that meant. Even then, I (more easily than now) brushed it off. Continued to have about a million crushes on boys and never thought of it again. But now, with my OCD, I feel “convinced” that that was a sign that I was gay. 2. I have always been a girls girl. Me and my friend have a joke that we are worse than men! Meaning that when we see a pretty girl with a nice body, we stare. We say they are pretty. Never have I ever thought anything of it. It was always from a place of envy and admiration. Never a place of lust or anything along those lines. But NOW. OH! If I even look that direction I feel guilty, I feel like that’s confirmation that I am gay. And even worse- that is one of my compulsions. To look and make myself “prove” I’m not gay. 3. I have lost “feeling” for my partner. I love my husband. More than anything else. I could not live without him. But since this all happened, my emotions and fears have been all over the place that I’ve somewhat lost that feeling. It doesn’t help that I’m on medicine that can have that effect. I have to just remind myself that love isn’t always feelings, it’s a choice. And I choose him every single day. 4. sex life issues: bc/ of the OCD fear as well as my medication, I don’t have much sex drive or pleasure in the bedroom as I did before OCD… and, my OCD likes to convince me that that is because I would be better off with a woman (even tho I don’t want that) and then, OH THEN, I proceed to experience some groinal sensation from that though. So- cue even more “proof” that I am gay. well- that’s all I can think of now. Let me know if any one yall struggle with those. And I hope you know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. YOU ARE NOT YOUR OCD 💚
- Date posted
- 22w
Here are some things that make me feel alone and isolated in my journey with sexual orientation OCD: 1. This feels like a complete identity crisis. I think that is what makes it so hard. It seems to go against everything I believe myself to be and who I always have identified as. 2. My compulsions, thoughts, triggers, and everything else that comes along with this disease feels and seems like I’m the only one that struggles with those things. My thoughts and images in my head often seems so real that it can only be me in denial. 3. Because this sub type of OCD is so sexual in nature, it has made my sex life with my husband, a really hard situation. Because I always get afraid and sex that I will think of these thoughts, I subconsciously then think of those thoughts, and if I have any type of feeling associated with those thoughts, it feels like proof that those thoughts are real and that makes it even harder. 4. Because a lot of the pleasure that comes with sex is on hot for me while I’m figuring out in this journey with OCD, my mind has convinced me that it is because I will only feel those things if I were with someone at the same sex (I am a straight female. I have a fear of being homosexual.). Well, all those things have made it really hard for me to function daily, I am doing a lot better at finding ways to combat those. I wanted to offer some of the things that I find that help me move past these thoughts and while it’s not always a perfect fix, it’s really helped. 1. I tried to remind myself daily that while love is a feeling it’s also choice. I have to remind myself to get up every single day and choose my husband not because I always feel like choosing him because that is who I choose. That is who I want. That is who I want to grow a relationship with to have a child with Thus why I always don’t feel that love, I always choose it. And while this can be really hard because just society as a whole has made us have these unrealistic ideas about what love is and made us think that love is just this huge with butterflies and sparks, it’s not always that. 2. I try to remind myself that these are just thoughts. And thoughts are not who I am. I don’t have to become the thoughts. I’m not a bad person for thinking of thoughts, and I don’t have to believe the thoughts. 3. When I get, like I often do, groinal responses to the things that I am thinking or seeing in my mind I just remind myself that those are responses to the anxiety I have. I’m not thinking those because I want to think those, but it’s in a response too The fear that I will think those and that I will get that response and then in turn I get the response. 4. I tried to remind myself that this isn’t a fear of coming out like if I was gay, this is a fear associated with a thought that I would be because that’s not who I am. If I really was gay, I would like the thought I would like the pleasure and I would be afraid of coming out. But in this situation, I don’t want any of the thoughts not because I’m afraid of coming out of this because it’s not who I am. If that makes sense.
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