- Date posted
- 5y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y
I agree 100% with everything you just said! I feel like more people experience this than we know, I don’t know how someone could NOT experience this. No one wants to talk about it because immediately people will say “it’s ok I support you if your gay/lesbian” so no one is going to want to talk about it. Today’s acceptance for LGBT+ people is great but it only fuels our HOCD wired brains more and more unfortunately. And I am not an extremely feminine girl, I have my days, I love to get girly and dressed up, but for the most part, I wear tshirts every day, no makeup, and have a very athletic build so I’ve definitely experienced the “oh you must like girls because of the way you look” and man that gets me on a spiral like no other hahah.
- Date posted
- 5y
I totally understand what you mean! I'm not even really sure how I got past it but somehow I got to a point where it stopped feeling like it mattered so much what my orientation is? I mean, even now I'm not really 100% sure, but for some reason it doesn't feel as urgent and scary, and I'm okay with not strictly defining it. It's weird how brains deal with these things. But I wish you luck in dealing with it, I know it's really difficult.
- Date posted
- 5y
I agree with u. I was straight and happy living my life but hocd has been messing my head up so much that it’s almost took my life one day..I am still struggling but I am recovering slowly. It’s just so hard to tell other about this because they would just not understand thinking I am either lesbian or bi or homophobic
- Date posted
- 4y
hi, i think i saw one of your more recent posts and that you now identify as bisexual? can you elaborate on how hocd made you realize that?
- Date posted
- 4y
@missbluesky I just woke up one day with these thoughts that made me feel sick and wouldn’t leave me alone
- Date posted
- 5y
I don't have HOCD but I appreciate your insight. It seems like quite a few people have trouble accessing treatment or social support because of assumptions of homophobia or that it's "denial". That's so tricky, because HOCD isn't well known whereas severe coming-out anxiety is. I think it's also important to remember that the stigma is still a factor for a lot of people with HOCD- they may have gay or bi friends and family, but fear the uncertainty of the potential impact on their lives of the fear were true. Not just because it would be contrary to their sense of self and their hopes for the future, but because it really could bring judgment, violence or discrimination. Magolor has definitely found the key on HOCD by getting to that point, it can for sure be reached through reasoning and response-prevention. What's wild is that for people with HOCD, it's an incredibly triggering prospect to think of living without defining your orientation, because it feels so urgent while you're in the OCD. And yet it really is the answer. Some people will eventually have a very strong knowledge of their sexuality, some won't. I've never had HOCD and I don't know my sexuality or need to know or to put labels on it, as it seems 99.9% irrelevant to my life. I simply flirt with or date who I want. I watch the porn I want. I don't even think about it. When people ask about my sexuality I basically say "beats me". When I get a strong crush, I imagine a future with the person. Nothing about my sexuality can ever harm me because I don't harbour ideals about what my romantic life needs to look like. There's no part of me which is ever going to take some demented grip of my choices against my will and tell me that from now on I must and am only allowed to date some specific subset of people, I'm in charge of my choices. I believe everybody with HOCD can get to the same point as me.
- Date posted
- 5y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 5y
Exactly!! I'm a teenager dealing with this and since my anxiety spiked, my thoughts are telling me I'm lesbian or bi :/ Keep in mind that I HAVE NEVER felt any sexual or romantic attraction towards girls. I might have found them aesthetically attractive, but nothing more. It sucks man!
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah I can't talk to my parents about this bc they would just think that I'm gay
- Date posted
- 5y
Idk how you feel about this but I'd think in some ways it'd help because a lot of the time the key to dealing with an obsession is to not be afraid of the uncertainty, like the obsession has less power when the idea of it being true doesn't scare you as much? BUT maybe that doesn't explain it entirely because obviously there are still plenty of people who suffer from HOCD. For a while I dealt with something like HOCD (except it was more fear of being straight, so it was just flipped) - and actually it's interesting to wonder about cuz it's not like being straight is taboo in society. But I think the thing that the obsession latches onto is the uncertainty, and the fear of secretly not being what you think you are? At least in my experience that's sorta what it was like. I don't know if this helps with anything but it's just what your thought made me think about
- Date posted
- 5y
i definitely agree. im a bisexual woman my self so going through hocd was especially hard for me. the constant pressure to have ur sexuality figured out is immense and very very damaging esp with something like hocd.
- Date posted
- 5y
This is very true. Plus, a lot of articles talk only about HOCD as "the fear of being gay", but they don't mention that there are also lesbian/gay/bisexual/etc people that is also suffering from HOCD/SO-OCD.
- Date posted
- 5y
Truth is that a huge number of people on this app act like you just shat in your cornflakes if you bring up that fact at all. So that's a consequence of the fact articles don't talk about it. I've had people with HOCD demand I provide evidence that non straight people can have HOCD and in truth I hardly find anything at all online but there are LITERALLY people right here on this app who have had that experience.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you for this. Very important topic that’s unfortunately really relatable
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
- Date posted
- 15w
Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.
- Date posted
- 12w
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
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