I need some advice. Not really trying to seek out reassurance but I am trying to see how to go about this. My biggest theme has always been ROCD and it has been like this for about 5 months. I have always had trust issues because the guy I used to see would hang out with my best friend when I was out of town. So back in December I went to my home country and my boyfriend stayed home so I didn’t see him for about 20 days... before that my family took another trip for about 8 days so I only got to see him for 15 days before I had to travel again. This is truly when my ROCD got extreme and I didn’t even know it was OCD but I know now. We got to my home town and everything was fine but I found myself being scared to look at any other guy because I was so so scared to think someone else is better than my bf or even worse I would cheat on my boyfriend (I have never done it and I find it repulsive) so I would avoid any guy possible. My family hung out with my cousins and one of them had a bf so he went everywhere with us. I started here that I was super scared I was gonna like him more than my bf I was scared to even talk to him at this point and I started obsessing about my actions and started thinking back on every little thing I did in order to reassure myself that I hadn’t done anything bad such as look at him or even think he was a good bf to my cousin. I was scared I was going to have a crush or a connection with him. Mind you I have known him since before and these thoughts never came to my head he is such a nice guy but I never thought of this. So one day I started obsessing even more and we were all at a family reunion and at this point I was walking next to him and I try keeping my distance because my thoughts were non stop and I remember thinking “what if I touch his hand” and so I started obsessing about this so I just started imagining my bf with me right next to me and how nice it would be to have him with me. And so after we stopped walking and started doing our own thing I started second guessing myself where I would reassure myself that I didn’t touch his hand but what if I did touch his hand or what if our arms even rubbed?? I was just freaking out about everything and those things passed until right now. My mind is telling me I grabbed his hand and held it and I know it isn’t true but what if it is true?? I want to confess this to my bf but that would make things worse. What if I cheated on him? And when my mind rationalizes that I didn’t touch his hand my thoughts shift to “you’re going to live with the thought that you took your bf for granted”, “ you’re gonna live knowing that you don’t truly love your bf” “you are going to keep moving forward even though you felt a connection and had a crush on someone else”, “what if you were subconsciously thinking about that other boy instead of your bf” (when quite frankly I know this is false because I have come across that boy in my head about two times and once was because my cousin posted a picture with him) “What if you are lying to yourself and you did touch his hand” “you are going to live knowing what you did”. Let me just tell you this has eaten me up inside and it has left me absolutely devastated. I don’t know what to do or how to come about this and any tips would be so helpful. I feel like OCD only targets my relationship because he is so important to me and I value him more than anything in life so the thought of losing him makes me sick inside. And all of this bad thinking and what if’s have not been helpful whatsoever.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Looks like you've got the start of some false memory theme in there too which can be rough. Sounds like when you try to argue with the intrusive thoughts, you just get more, and all of them feel like they need to be solved. OCD can target anything we value. My biggest tip would be to avoid at all costs fighting the thoughts/reassuring yourself by thinking "it's just OCD and that means it's not real". That mistake keeps people trapped needlessly in their OCD for years, even while they're trying to do ERP. The fact that you have ROCD is not a guarantee that any of the fears you described weren't or aren't true or have some part of truth to them. OCD is about feeling that we need to solve all unanswered questions presented to us before it's ok for us to simply live our lives according to our preferences and values, including choosing how we spend our thinking time according to our preferences and values. The way to fight OCD is not to fight the thoughts but to fight the impact of it on your life. The urges to solve are OCD, the way it sucks up your time is OCD, the suffering you go through when you ruminate for hours is OCD. That's what needs to be fought. Trying to find answers or reassure yourself, feeds OCD. Spend all your time doing that and it'll never go away. You need to reclaim your time, your thoughts and your wellbeing through ERP. When you get mental "what ifs" and accusations and the urges to ruminate and problem solve or go over consequences, you need to not do it. You are in charge of your brain. It feels scary and wobbly and unsafe to not do it. But you can survive those feelings. Refocus your attention onto what you were doing before the thoughts and urges, instead of going over the problem. Let the urgency and anxiety be there without doing what it tells you to do. Don't reassure yourself. Don't say "it's only OCD". Don't push the feelings away either. Do absolutely nothing about them and just let yourself feel extremely anxious and doom-y and guilty. Feel the feelings, redirect away from thoughts. The feelings need to be felt without you trying to escape them. Doing that repeatedly over time is a really good start. It'll get your brain used to the anxiety. Brains can only feel so much intensity before they get bored. Over time the urges to solve it all can get less and less strong. Eventually you get clarity.

takingmylife...

Date posted: 5y

Okay you’re right thank you. I just don’t know what to tell these thoughts because they just make me feel even more guilty and they make me feel as if I am keeping the biggest secret from the person I love the most

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

@takingmylifeback You don't need to tell them anything :) they're the same as the initial thoughts: unpleasant, intrusive thoughts that you don't want and which seem to need to be solved or proven wrong. Treat them the exact same way as the initial thoughts and accusations. They're exactly the same amount of relevant.

takingmylife...

Date posted: 5y

@Louw Thank you so much. As for my bf do I just leave the topic untouched or bring it up in some way

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

@takingmylifeback Hmm. If you want to share about it then my opinion is you should, but without oversharing and not out of guilt or other confession compulsions- there shouldn't be any breaking down and begging for forgiveness or asking for/hoping for reassurance.

takingmylife...

Date posted: 5y

Oh my gosh okay thank you again

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond