It’s unfortunate but I can’t enjoy one of my main passions anymore, music. I just feel like I focus more on the outcomes than the process and love of it and wanting to share that with other people. I have this idea of success and I’m obsessed with it, almost like it’s a sense of approval. I wish I could push it out of my mind because I just want to enjoy what I love. At this point, I don’t even know if I really do love it or not. I don’t like who I become when I play music, at least alone, I just overthink until it’s not enjoyable anymore. I play guitar, bass, drums, and I write my own music often. I did however just join a band as a drummer and think maybe being in a band with multiple people, especially not my own material, will be helpful to just be in the moment. It’s just really unfortunate that I’m obsessed with this idea of success and that being the only thing I want. It wouldn’t make me happy. I can’t tell if this is an obsessive, intrusive thought getting in the way or not, or if this is how I truly feel ?

Sorry, this might be very specific. I have this OCD theme where I'm afraid of supporting a problematic artist by accident. I really love music, its my number one coping mechanism and I tend to fixate on musicians that I love. I love learning about the history of my favorite bands or musicians and collecting merch. But I have this fear that I'll find out a musician is problematic and I'll be a bad person for liking them or their music still. I have this one artist I love, hes really helping with my mental health recently and provides me with safety and an escape and im afraid one of these days I'll find out something awful about him and have that ripped away from me. Does anyone else experience this?

Truthfully i am just so exhausted from being obsessed with how I affect others in my life. I am constantly questioning if I make their lives better or worse and why. I'm an extrovert and if it seems like I'm positively affecting people when I socialize, I feel on top of the world. But when I can't improve someone's mood when I talk to them I feel depressed and drained. I have this belief that I am intrinsically awful and harmful to be around and I have to be extra helpful and cheerful to make up for it. I think about the problems that everyone in my life struggles with and convince myself that I am the cause of it or making them worse. I isolate, believing I am harmful to others and I am sparing them. When they feel neglected, I panic because I caused them harm when I was trying to save them. I don't want to live like this anymore. In some ways it was easier when I was alone. I just can't stop obsessing about my loved ones in this way. I almost begin to crave abandonment because at least the thoughts would stop coming. Does that make me a bad person? I don't really actually want to be abandoned by my loved ones, but at least I know how to handle abandonment. I don't know how to handle normal loving relationships.

does anyone have this theme of ocd that makes you resent or even hate the thing you deeply love and enjoy? i don’t have an official diagnosis but i believe to be autistic and there are this book series that are my favorite thing in the world and i take a lot of pleasure in re-reading them and other works by the author. i’ve enjoyed her works for couple of years now. but since last week i have this very torturous anxiety that makes me actually believe that i actually hate her works and her writing style which seems so absurdly false. i try to reason with this feeling because it’s foolish and isn’t a matter of life and death but feels like one. if someone had some like things i’d really appreciate advices because this whole situation is upsetting me so much i’m losing any hope of ever going back to how things were before