It’s unfortunate but I can’t enjoy one of my main passions anymore, music. I just feel like I focus more on the outcomes than the process and love of it and wanting to share that with other people. I have this idea of success and I’m obsessed with it, almost like it’s a sense of approval. I wish I could push it out of my mind because I just want to enjoy what I love. At this point, I don’t even know if I really do love it or not. I don’t like who I become when I play music, at least alone, I just overthink until it’s not enjoyable anymore. I play guitar, bass, drums, and I write my own music often. I did however just join a band as a drummer and think maybe being in a band with multiple people, especially not my own material, will be helpful to just be in the moment. It’s just really unfortunate that I’m obsessed with this idea of success and that being the only thing I want. It wouldn’t make me happy. I can’t tell if this is an obsessive, intrusive thought getting in the way or not, or if this is how I truly feel ?

Hello! I’m not sure what to do. I have health anxiety and feel like I’m dying when after eating junk food and because of my poor habits and being not motivated to go to the gym. I also have a fear that there’s no afterlife and that I have no purpose in life and that we suffer for nothing. I don’t know how to cope and I’m not sure if religion is toxic for me because I want to be honest and realistic with myself. I believe but think it’s because I was raised in a religious household. I keep looking for certainty. I feel like I don’t know what I’m going to do when my grandmas pass away. My anxiety got so much worse when my grandfather passed and I don’t think I can take it anymore and am so confused what life really means. Why there’s suffering. I don’t feel a sense of purpose in my life at all and am more confused than ever. I’m struggling to do exposure therapy for all of this and don’t know how to do exposure therapy properly. I also don’t know how to cope when I see my family suffer. For example, when I saw my uncle have my cousin arrested, for seeing my grandfather die. I feel like there’s nothing good in this world because it always leads to tragedy at the end. My family believes there’s a God, which I’d like to believe that, but am also feeling like he might not exist. It used to be my values but not anymore when I learned that it’s bad for my OCD. How should I handle trauma when I already can’t take it anymore. I feel like life has been very boring and I really struggle to work at my office. I can’t be present in the moment and I’m easily bored and want to do things that will change my life, that are more fun. I don’t know what yet and am really struggling. I just go to a boring job, wait until it turns 5, and go home and go the same thing. Walk the dog, I don’t even want to cook because it’s so boring and wastes time, and watch tv. I really don’t like my life and don’t know what to do. I previously had terrible managers in the past and got laid off for one of my jobs so this is I guess comfortable but still. I’m so bored and just going through life and am struggling to really enjoy anything. This has been going on for years. I also feel so immature and hanging out with my friends who are way more mature and extroverted than me is an exposure in itself. I compare myself to them a lot since they’re so confident but I feel like they act like I’m a toddler at times and that they feel they have to take care of me. I just am always in my head and they always give me advice, whether I ask it or not. I’m not excited about my life, very bored, but I also am not happy with who I am. I hate doing things too bc I feel like it just makes me even more depressed and bored. I feel like junk food and alcohol are the only things I look forward to

I feel like for a while I haven’t really felt truly happy or very excited for anything. Every day feels like an uphill climb dealing with this OCD problem of mine and trying as hard as I can to solve it, seek advice, etc… It often feels hopeless for me and that I should just be discarded, like I’m too far gone and I can’t get rid of it. Anyway, the pint is I haven’t really felt happy enough to actually just be smiling in a long time. I can’t rember the last time I actually smiled because I didn’t think about it and just naturally smiled because I was happy. Feels like I’m at war with my head everyday. I feel numb. I feel like I can’t feel emotions strongly like I used to. I can’t feel strongly about something where I’m motivated to ACT on something, to DO something, to try something new or break a routine or even feel like I am taking a risk or having fun. It’s like I have forgotten what FUN is like. Actual fun, not trying to have fun, but having fun. As a side note, maybe it’s too far fetched or not true but the medication I am on for my OCD (Sertraline, 25 mg dosage) , I am suspicious is making me numb like this. Sometimes I feel one if maybe this, small yet somewhat effective dosage of this medication is making me like this. I remember when I went off of it for a brief period last summer I could feel a lot more than I am feeling right now. But unfortunately my OCD was sooo bad as a result. So bad I couldn’t face it and I would be pretty much having a straight panic attack all day. So I’m not sure if coming off of that is the right move. After all I went back on it because wow I was having trouble dealing with myself. But like I said, that is just an afterthought. This is often how I trudge through the day…

I feel like opening up about something. I would wake up everyday not knowing what to do in life. I have no motivation to talk with friends, or I would isolate myself from family, because I don’t want to be awkward around anybody and I just don’t think I’m that interesting to be around. I would be mean to myself in anyway possible. I once went to the comfort of my childhood and I would roleplay as characters of my childhood. But now I feel myself growing up and becoming an adult, and I’ve been experiencing grief of no longer being in my childhood. Having freestyle fun with my friends and family was the best I’ve ever felt. But now it’s all gone now. Now I’m stuck with feeling not open minded to anything and thinking that no one cares about me, I won’t have fun or be happy anymore, and I’m a nobody. I would even have scary thoughts about “Doing it” but I’m never planning to. I just feel like there is nothing to do anymore and I shouldn’t look back on the great childhood I had.