It’s unfortunate but I can’t enjoy one of my main passions anymore, music. I just feel like I focus more on the outcomes than the process and love of it and wanting to share that with other people. I have this idea of success and I’m obsessed with it, almost like it’s a sense of approval. I wish I could push it out of my mind because I just want to enjoy what I love. At this point, I don’t even know if I really do love it or not. I don’t like who I become when I play music, at least alone, I just overthink until it’s not enjoyable anymore. I play guitar, bass, drums, and I write my own music often. I did however just join a band as a drummer and think maybe being in a band with multiple people, especially not my own material, will be helpful to just be in the moment. It’s just really unfortunate that I’m obsessed with this idea of success and that being the only thing I want. It wouldn’t make me happy. I can’t tell if this is an obsessive, intrusive thought getting in the way or not, or if this is how I truly feel ?

I went through a similar experience with dancing. I danced competitively my entire childhood. It was my life and I loved it. In late high school / college I had my own version of this and how if I wasn’t going to be my idea of success in the dance world, why continue pursuing it. Somehow I kept coming back to it. (Honestly probably because teaching dance pays well and I have had a hard time keeping jobs due to my anxiety, but I am very qualified in this so I can get the job easily) BUT I finally took a full semester off of dance for the first time in my life. After, I decided this fall I was going to start teaching again. I am falling in love with it again! And accepting that if this is what I enjoy and I am happy with this, then I don’t have to be the idea of successful I had before... turns out success can look differently (:

I’m a performer too and this effects me constantly... I’m constantly over analysing every step of choreography and piece of music... you’re not alone!

Same here. I used to enjoy doing arts and crafts, designing, etc now all I do is hate everything I do. That’s it’s not good enough.

i get it dude. i love figure skating so much i would go at least two days a week and way more during breaks. but like a month ago i broke my arm and now i can’t figure skate anymore for six months. i kinda feel pointless now bcuz figure skating was the only thing that made me really really happy and i never wanted to stop. i didn’t realize how much validation figure skating made me feel but it’s hard to not think about it. i didn’t even know if i wanted to do competitions bcuz my thoughts were contradictory too :(

Perfectionism,,,iv caused my self so much suffering because “I shouldn’t have these thoughts “ and “ I have to be the best” at my work,,I put so much pressure on myself,,,not going to anymore because I now realise I’mbeating myself up ,,,