Guys my HOCD is getting worse and worse. Every time I try to say “okay I’m straight” in the back of my head it says “are you sure? 100% sure? Check just to make sure” then I check how being with a guy would be and I don’t like it but even when I know I don’t like it my ocd says “how do you know you don’t like it?” Which I can give answers but it just never seems like enough. I feel stuck and I don’t know where to go. I keep getting thoughts of being with my ex but I don’t wanna tell her what’s going on in my head because I’m embarrassed. I just wanna know how to get out of this. I never questioned my sexuality before this started and now it’s on my mind 24 hours a day. Living like this is hell. Someone please give me tips. I have therapy on Friday (I go once a week now) but I still feel like I’m drowning.

It’s taking over my memory and I feel like I can’t remember my past relationships like I used to be able to

It works! We are all tired of living in fear, so stop living in fear.

So if you “give into” the thoughts and just say to yourself “yup I guess I am gay” (even if you’re not) it makes them stop because intrusive thoughts get worse when you fight them

This is obviously a very hard thing to do because the reason that you have these thoughts are because they are upsetting or your biggest fears. “Accepting them as “true”” can help them go away.

It will be ok!

Exactly-it’s an intrusive thought and you’re giving it power. Treat your hocd thought just like every other thought and watch it go away. You need to be mindful use erp but it does help.

Yes! I would suggest having prewritten messages that you read aloud, maybe in front of a mirror. Don’t “check” by looking at explicit images or videos because that will send you spirally.

Absolutely! You are never alone, I never believed there was a community that had the same struggles as me but it’s truly wild

I’ve started pure avoidance. I know it’s ridiculous but I don’t know how else to stop the checking. I have nothing on my phone where I can see another persons face and I haven’t gone to work because I don’t want to see people.

Have you tried to not fight the thought and just accept what’s happening

That sounds terrifying to just accept it like that but I’m sure if y’all say it works then I’ll trust you. I’m just tired of living in fear

So I guess I gotta just do it in little intervals?

Yeah that’s why it’s best not to use any sort of thing like that to check for a reaction. This app lets you create little messages like “maybe I am gay, I will accept this uncertainty and move on” you can do it here or on paper whatever works

Always accept and at the end say, so what!? It’s my crazy thoughts it’s there and I’m going to work around it and not give my thoughts power

What do you mean?

I tried doing what y’all said one day awhile back and every time I had the the intrusive thoughts I’d just say “alright I guess I am” and I felt less anxious until I started in depth thinking about actually being gay and then all the thoughts and compulsions came back.

Prewritten message? Also I never watched anything explicit with the same sex. I’d compulsively watch straight videos but I’d always find myself comparing both genders the ENTIRE time. And if I didn’t get the right reaction to either of the two people that I wanted, I’d get severe anxiety attacks.

Thank you so much. Just knowing there’s people out there dealing with or have dealt with the same struggles helps a lot. Im gonna start trying to do what y’all said though