I began struggling with pocd about 3 months ago. I’m the mom of two boys ages 3 and 7. Soon after that theme started for me, I discovered I was pregnant which was a surprise. At some point I latched on the the “what if I acted on my pocd fears and that is how this pregnancy came to be.” This led to me exerting all my energy to figure out if that was true, checking my memories ect. I began feeling like I had a “memory” even though that memory is very vague and details of it sometimes change when I try to recall it. Anyway, I’m struggling a great deal by now thinking I’ve acted on my pocd fears and now I’m carrying a child of incest. I get thoughts such as “what if I was half asleep?” Ect. And maybe that’s why I can’t remember it clearly. I’ve even gotten to the point of contemplating terminating this pregnancy because I just don’t know how to make it through with these thoughts. I feel like I will have the baby and something will be majorly wrong with it. Eventually tests will be run ect and all of my fears will turn out to be true. Then I will be separated from everyone and everything that I love and have to live out the rest of my life in a prison cell.

Please read this. I’ve had ocd pretty much a lot of my life but never knew what it was until my senior year of highschool. I’m 21 with 2 kids and i believe i’ve had pocd a little bit before my daughter was born (which was 8 months ago). It made me start looking at all kids differently and i hate it. But it really started triggering me about 3 months ago. I’ve been thinking if i’d intentionally touched or harmed my kids the wrong way, or any kids for that matter. This started giving me false memories (or at least hope they are). I’ve been having panic attacks, yelling at myself, punching walls, praying, and even thoughts of ending my own life. I grew up in a severe toxic household throughout my childhood and teenage life. I’ve never wished that on my kids since i became a dad. I wanna give them the life i never got. I look back my photos of my children and i feel like i’m a complete fraud of a dad. I cannot look at my kids or be around them a lot of times. I can’t hold my daughter right. I can’t change their diaper when they need it. Even my son came and was hugging on me the other night while i was watching tv and i acted like a stranger to him. I can very little do this stuff sometimes because it’s either i get relief or i push my thoughts as far back as i can. I get scared if i did something to not just my kids, but any other kids in the past. I have such a a great life and such a beautiful family. It was hard and stressful at first being young with a family but i couldn’t be more thankful at all for them. I’m just so lost and stressed right now that i just don’t know what to do anymore

Please comment. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt/a**aulted her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. Idk what overcame me but my therapist says it's all OCD. I was doing SO well! Is this really OCD? This has all caused me a great amount of anxiety. I feel like a terrible person and mom. I just need help knowing if this is OCD. Not wanting reassurance. Just wanting to know if this lines up with the POCD I've been diagnosed with by my current therapist.

I'm struggling with pocd it feels very real and I'm at a point where I feel I need to go to confess to the police stuff I know I haven't done but have false memories of doing and I feel like nobody thinks like this and very alone.