- Username
- Cavlaine
- Date posted
- 4y ago
My heart goes out to you both. As a female with no kids I can only imagine how painful this is for you. I can only offer a virtual hug and support. I do feel your pain. Lots of love to you both. You are strong!! Don't let ocd defeat you. ❤
Thank you for this. I’m trying so hard to beat this. I’m using every weapon available to me outside of medication. I just don’t want to allow ocd to lead me to do something (terminating) that I will have to live the rest of my life wondering about or regretting. It’s just so hard because I’m this moment it feels like the solution.
@Cavlaine I really wish there were magical pills that cure OCD for this exact reason. It's hard enough to have POCD and apart from this is having to carry another person. I don't know why but I'm strongly feeling your pain as if it were mine. I really wish I can give you a hug.
I’m currently pregnant with my 1st and have had pocd theme for 2 years. I’m really scared as well I’m now in therapy doing ERP, it’s very scary but I hear that it helps. Stay strong, you’re not alone
I wish you the very best in your pregnancy! Thank you for commenting.
@Cavlaine Thank you): I’m hoping I can even be a good mom due to this.
I’m also pregnant and have suffered with POCD in the past, I used to work in nurseries and schools and it got that bad I had to leave because I couldn’t do my job, I avoided changing nappies and wouldn’t go into the toilet area, it was shortly after this I realised I have OCD, I have also struggled with false memories and have gone on to struggle with different themes Harm, health and many others, I currently take fluoxetine which is fine to take when pregnant and it helps me a lot, what I want to tell you is that this theme can go away, it has popped back up since being pregnant but I am able to let the thoughts go, things will get better for you I promise, there is always hope and you and your lovely children, all 3 of them can live a very happy life, OCD steals joy but be strong you can get through this with the right help, a lot of us have been or are where you are at the moment but recovery can always happen xx
I understand as I have been dealing with this for over a year. We need to stay strong and not allow ocd to run our lives. We got this! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your kind words.
I know I am not supposed to reassure, but I am 100% certain you could not have gotten pregnant this way. People must go through puberty to be able to father a child. I am so sorry this is leading you down this path, just know that you are a good person and a good mom and that’s WHY you’re so worried to begin with! Your baby will be beautiful!
Of course. OCD is relentless and cruel!
Thank you for this Rachael.
Hi, I really wanted to comment because what you’re going through is something I would be so scared to do. Pocd has made me choose not to be a mother on dark days, but I realize that’s what I really want to do and I want to fight this so I can take care of kids some day. It must but terrible, but the reason you’re so worried is because you care so much. I know you can get through this although it’ll be really hard. You are a great mom and you can still be with your 3rd child. Please take care, I wish you the best and will be praying for you and your family ❤️
I too have children and struggle tremendously with POCD. I have struggled with false memories and also questioning my intentions behind every move I make with my children. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find comfort in others stories similar to my own. It’ll be ok. Anytime you need to talk I’d be more than glad
I also struggle with questioning ‘what if I was half asleep’. Especially because I bedshare with my kids
Yes, exactly. I was bedsharing as well at that time. My fiancé was on night shift so it used to just be my kids and I who would all lay down together at night. Then my fiancé would move them to their beds once he was home. Some nights I’d put them to sleep and then I’d get back up and drink a few beers while watching a favorite show or something to unwind myself before going to lay back down. So now I have all of these what ifs. What if I had drank that night. What if that’s why my memory feels so hazy. What if I was half asleep. What if I acted out a dream. Ect. I even went as far as trying to go back through my memories, photos on my phone, call logs, Facebook poss ect. And I created a timeline of each day. Who I talked to at what time. If I knew if I had anything to drink on that day ect. It led me nowhere.
I feel like I am going insane. My ocd has never been this bad before. I’m waking up every morning with extreme dehabilitating anxiety. I am gagging and using the restroom all of the time. My pocd has reached an all time high. I work in a law firm and read a very disturbing case involving child abuse and child pornography. Ever since my world has been twisted upside down. I feel like the line is so thin. Like anyone can cross it in a split second and their world can be flipped upside down in an instant. I have a daughter of my own and that night after having read that story at work, my intrusive thoughts and feelings were at an all time high. I was changing her diaper and had intrusive thoughts which I knew was going to, givin the triggering and emotionally draining day I had. I quickly pushed them out of my head and then what happened next is some what of a blur because I have spent the last five days ruminating it over and over and over again in my head. I was trying to get her to lay down in her crib and she kept standing up. I was gonna lay her down in a way that required me to maneuver her with one hand and that one hand would be in between her legs, over her clothes and her diaper. I see people carry and handle their babies like this all of the time but I always avoid it. This time I didn’t. I fought the compulsion to move my hand. Because it is in fact, not a sexual thing at all. But in my mind I had it made out to be. I remember moving her super quickly in that fashion and immediately feeling guilt like I did it in a malicious sexual way. Even though the movement itself is not sexual at all, because it has been in my mind forever as a sexual place I’ve always avoided it. I was attempting to fight the compulsion and now as a result because I didn’t move my hand, I feel like I have done something horrible. I feel so guilty. All because of a quick 5 second movement. I keep imagining me without my daughter, going to jail, her not having me, my family disowning me. I can’t handle the immense amount of emotional distress I am feeling because of this event. I keep feeling like I could’ve moved her in a different way, why did I have to move Her in the way that required my hand to be between her legs? Was it me trying to somehow act out on the intrusive thoughts I had previously? I am so torn apart by this. I would never ever intentionally hurt my baby. Ever. My biggest fear is her being abused. In an attempt to stand up to my ocd and desexualize that specific action, it has launched me into the worst ocd episode of my life.
I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.
Hello, I’m 25 weeks pregnant, and I’m having intrusive thoughts. I was molested as a child multiple times and have always been afraid to have children yet here I am. These thoughts came out of nowhere and I’ve been so terrified. I would never harm my child or any child. I’m so distraught, I’m thinking about abortion because I’m so afraid. God please help me, I can’t do this
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond