me and my bf got into a small disagreement cause he kept leaving me on read and it made me anxious and he said he doesn’t do it purpose but now i feel bad for even bringing it up and my mind is making me blow this out of proportion and is like “this must mean u don’t wanna be with him. this must mean ur relationship is bad” ughfhdhhhh

Bruh if someone kept leaving me on read I would confront them too

Hey I read something in a study about OCD which says that we don't trust past experience much, so we are more surprised by predictable outcomes and less surprised by unpredictable ones. Explains in part why you expect that it's because something is wrong even though that has never been the reason in the past. I'm just saying, cause when people hear stuff like that you're always thinking something is wrong and he doesn't love you anymore, that can sound like BPD fear of abandonment. While there absolutely may be some of that going on, I'd wager a bit chunk of it is OCD. Which would also include you struggling with the uncertainty of not knowing exactly why he hasn't replied. I'm coming from a place of believing in giving people the space they need and taking as much responsibility as possible for our feelings. Partly because it's the right thing to do and partly because if you don't, it tends to damage the relationship over time and take away the opportunities to build trust. For me, when something uncertain like that is triggering me, I do my absolute best to find other ways to cope than asking questions like "what took you so long" or anything else which seeks to investigate the problem my brain is claiming there is. My brain needs to learn that someone not responding to me right away isn't a problem and that there is no problem and that they don't need to justify themselves to me all the time. I'm not being blasé about it, I've struggled with this myself but since ruining a relationship early on by getting more and more stressed when he was busy which made him enjoy talking to me less etc etc, I know it's something important to learn. OCD loves for us to self-sabotage. If you're a teenager in a teenage relationship where nobody really understands boundaries, it might be ok to carry on as it is, but as we all get older, we tend to expect our autonomy to be respected more than we did as teens, even by somebody we love. I realised that I actually dislike it VERY much when I'm being nagged for being out of contact with a guy I'm seeing, yet I was doing that to someone myself because I'd become a bit reliant on him and wasn't dealing well with bouts of seperation anxiety. If I could do it over, I'd take the pain and upset and discomfort of managing my own feelings in other ways rather than alienating him. It'ss just something to be aware of as you get older, the fact that it can make people feel like you're breathing down their neck or like you feel entitled to know everything they're doing all the time which can feel like you're trying to control them. Even if they're often understanding that it comes from OCD or abandonment fears, it can eventually become tiring and cause more of these disagreements so it's something worth working on. You can even work on it together by asking him not to give you reassurance whenever you're asking where he's been when he's left you on red.

Also can you find the middle ground and accept the uncertainty in some of those thoughts? Maybe the argument/you asking where he's been a lot means you don't want to be with him, maybe it just means you're having a hard time managing emotions at the moment, the best thing to do is probably to assume it's the one which you can do something about, and go on that basis and let go of some worry about the possibility which you can't control. And maybe your relationship is "bad" or maybe it isn't perfect and has some minor problems just like every relationship, the best thing is to assume the best and keep working on the relationship, instead of throwing the baby out with the bathwater or spending all your time worrying about "what if it's bad".