- Username
- jakemen20
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I think I’m going through it right now I’m internally freaking out due to an erp exercise for scrupulosity and I’ve seemed reassurance many times although the anxiety is not as much I still feel weird n I want to be my old self again but I know this is only possible through erp and faith in God but ocd doesn’t make it a cake walk to beat the intrusive thoughts but please keep going keep pushing I won’t give up if u don’t
My ERP is current on pause bc of the pandemic. But in a month, I will continue therapy f2f. I’m just having normal sessions online for now.
ERP for me doesn’t make me have meltdowns, but it does make me feel physically tired and drained. And it brings my mood down because I have to do ERP. It brings shame and anger that I have to do this. So I know it’s not easy.
Ocd specialist. 250 was 2 months ago
Okay good! Just be sure you’re communicating your level of distress with them to you’re not getting off track.
@pureolife Ya for sure. Thanks!
I’ve been in 100s down to 30s recently
Don’t give up. I get so frustrated as well when I feel like shit afterwards. Continuously. Something has to come of it. ??
Ageeed!!
@Ness I was thinking about pausing my erp as well during this time. It’s just so hard for me to do in unguided even though I try to do it. My therapist says I can’t get better unless I do it everyday. So I get angry with myself when I decide to take a day off. I think everyone heals at their own pace. You have inspired me I think it’s okay to go at your own pace and do it when you’re ready !! :)
@Dess Don’t be angry about that. Right now is understandable if you need to put your ERP on pause.
It’s a common experience in treatment. Your brain has been working in a very specific way for some time. Compulsions have been your safety net to massage the bad feelings that arise from your obsessions. Now you’re intentionally conjuring the obsessions without compulsions, and your OCD reacts more strongly because it insists you respond the way you always have. Slowly but surely, your brain learns that even this escalation of obsessions can’t shake you. In the mean time, that misfiring danger signal our brain gives off might be louder. This is going to be hard, but it is so worth it. Keep in contact with your therapist and share your experience. As best you can, when these feelings appear, try and become even more willing. “Oh yeah, OCD? Let’s do this.”
Thank you! That helps! I’ve been working so hard. My therapist is great and did say this would probably happen. It makes sense because I’m resisting the reassurance. I can’t wait to feel better. How amazing was it when you beat ocd?
@jakemen20 It was incredibly satisfying, truly beyond words to enjoy life again in ways I didn’t think possible. But, I do manage my condition. Although I’m in a better place than ever, I still do maintenance exposures almost every day. I think about mental health like physical health these days. You shouldn’t wait until a heart attack to hit the gym, so I’m not going to wait for a breakdown to work on my mental health.
@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett My main ocd theme lately is that I’m going to have to manage this at a horrible level forever. Can you shed some light on that and show how that’s false? Like I know it’s apart of us forever. At the same time, the managing gets way way easier correct? Do you enjoy life more now than you did before you have ocd? I’m going to be so thankful when it fades.
@jakemen20 @jakemen20 Well, I think that’s fear many people have, not just with OCD but other disorders. People with depression also have the fear they’ll be that way forever. So much of our suffering comes from clinging, both to our negative and positive emotional states. When they’re negative, we become entangled in a battle to rid ourselves of the experience. When they’re positive, we become entangled in wanting it to persist forever. Yet, nothing persists forever. Our emotions are transient, both positive and negative. Recovery is hard work, and it can be amongst the most difficult challenges of your life. Everyone’s path is different, both in terms of the experience of treatment and in how they respond. Yet in some future day, there will be a moment where a thought appears in your mind and instead of struggling or fighting or avoiding, you’ll just notice is passes as quickly as it came. And yes, I’m glad I’ve had the experiences I’ve had, even the bad ones. Not that OCD is pleasant or good, but I’ve developed many skills of managing my emotions that I think are great even if you don’t have a mental health issue. It’s also led me here, to a place where I can use my suffering to lighten the burden for others.
Are you doing ERP with an OCD specialist or on your own? To me, it sounds like you have moved up your hierarchy too quickly, pushing yourself too far too fast, which is why you aren’t seeing the benefits yet. Habituation takes time. With each step, we have to stay at that level until our anxiety breaks and we no longer feel panic to those triggers. If you keep pushing forward before your anxiety ceases at the previous level, you’re just torturing yourself unnecessarily. ERP should be hard and uncomfortable but not lead to an anctual breakdown. That’s a huge sign you’ve taken on a trigger that’s too high on your hierarchy and not ready for. You went down from 250 to 20.. that’s a HUGE jump. It’s okay to back up a little.
Guys I’ve been working my butt off at ERP and getting my reassurance down to 0. At same time, I feel so awful and am so worked up over the fact that I’m not feeling better yet. I’m so worked up. I feel like this will never get better. I’m so sad. Idk what to do. I love my therapist and believe in my erp plan, but I don’t feel results yet after so much hard work. I’m drained and want my life back.
Guys I’m struggling. So I’ve been doing erp and my therapist is amazing. She’s supportive and doesn’t reassure me which is good for OCD. I’m so frustrated because I’m not feeling better yet. It’s SO FRUSTRATING. I’ve gotten my reassurance down from 200 times a day to like 5 times a day. It’s unbelievable. At the same time, I still feel horrible. I can go a few days with 0 reassurance, but then it will go back up to 10-15 reassurance a day. I get so bad at 0 reassurance that I give in. My ocd will tell me “you might not have ocd” and “this plan won’t work.” Then I get so discouraged. It literally convinces me I don’t have ocd. I NEED MOTIVATION TO do 0 reassurance FOREVER. I need motivation TO PUSH THROUGH A FEW WERKS OF TOUGHNESS AT 0 reassurance TO BEAT THIS. I also am not ruminating as much and I never avoid anymore. The main fear is that I don’t have ocd. I’m also getting frustrated lately because It will convince me on autopilot that “I can’t enjoy politics” and “I don’t like girls”. It attacks everything I love. I also feel like I’m so out of it sometimes. I’m working so hard. Just need that motivation to keep going. My ocd mainly makes me feel doom and down. That’s why it bothers me. I’m working on accepting it and not doing reassurance!
It feels like I can never even get to be able to get there. It shakes me to my core and writing out my fears, triggers, and compulsions today for my therapist made my OCD finally feel real and that it’s not just my anxiety. Has anyone else struggled with this? Any tips for newbies who are scared 💩less?
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