This is long but I’m hurting and need practical advice on what to do. My OCD is convincing me I’m psychotic. It doesn’t help that I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and had an ill informed therapist tell me for 8 months that my intrusive thoughts were hallucinations and delusions. I just quit lithium a week ago after being on it for 4 months after a psychiatric nurse who I no longer am seeing told me it was safe to do so. I don’t exactly trust her though since she accused me of being a liar, impulsive, having a personality disorder, and told me I had to take antipsychotics or she would walk away, when I had legitimate questions about the bipolar diagnosis (hence no longer being in her care). My anxiety and intrusive thoughts are spiking worse than ever. My main theme is harm so I’m terrified of becoming manic and psychotic and believing my intrusive thoughts are correct, even though my non-OCD self is positive I’m not bipolar. I’m starting to doubt I have OCD and am asking myself what if I am actually delusional and in denial about my situation and am actually a danger to myself and others. I got approved for a PHP in the OCD and anxiety disorder program at Rogers but I don’t start for another 3 weeks. Has anyone been through anything like this (misdiagnosis, wrong medication making you worse, lithium withdrawal, questioning if your OCD is actually psychosis, etc) and has some advice with how to deal with this? I’m feeling so hopeless and dejected after being tossed around the mental health field like this only to find out I have OCD and could have started treatment 8 months ago and not gotten to this point if my doctors were more aware of this condition

Harm OCD

Lina

Date posted: 5y

I don't want to spread misinformation or tell you something and it not be factual but I do know it is extremely common for people with ocd to believe they don't have ocd. Like for example, people with harm ocd believing that they don't actually have ocd and that they want to harm others even though they dont. I honestly hope you feel better and are able to get the proper treatment. It was not kind of your psychiatric nurse to tell you those things and I'm so sorry.

Lina

Date posted: 5y

Also I don't know if you're financially able too but Chrissie Hodges is an ocd peer support specialist who helps people find ocd specialists near them or through telehealth. Her YouTube channel is called Chrissie Hodges and on her About Tab she has information to reach her. I hope this helps. ❤

Courtney

Date posted: 5y

I have heard this and it puts my mind at ease to know. I have a bad habit of seeking reassurance for this kind of thing, especially after having to fight so hard to get properly diagnosed. Thank you so much for your response

jlalew

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5y

You are being very brave!

Courtney

Date posted: 5y

❤️ thank you

Dess

Date posted: 5y

A couple months ago I thought the same thing. I thought I was going insane and nothing could bring me out. No one understood. My therapist did thankfully but she wasn’t my psychiatrist. My psychiatrist would sit with me for 5 minutes and he’s a nice guy but he would just hand me different pills when I told him I was afraid. I think you really have to know your patient and fully understand what they are going through and it’s so so tough. I’m sorry you went through this. I’m glad you are not in her care anymore and realized that it’s not best for you. There is a woman on yourune names Ali greymond and she talks about all topics of ocd and has so many informative videos. Check them out if you can. There is hope ?

Courtney

Date posted: 5y

Thank you I will look into them, I’m sorry you also went through that, and I hope you’re in a much better place now!

Dess

Date posted: 5y

@Courtney I’m better, but not recovered. I hope we both find the strength to make it through this ?? you deserve the best when it comes to this topic! If you ever need anyone to talk to I’m here. :)

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you had to go through that mismanagement and gaslighting from a healthcare professional, whether or not they were trying to help. I've had mental health professionals let me down, too, dismissing diagnoses I have and being quite blamey and unhelpful and dismissing my experiences rather than exploring them with me, including a therapist who kept telling me I must be asexual because I didn't always want sex with my ex boyfriend (leading him to dismiss my attempts to insist and repeatedly sexually assault me). God knows why she thought it was appropriate to focus on that and try to explore my sexuality when I'd just told her about a serious trauma I still have flashbacks about. Oy vey. Sometimes people just get it wrong. It's hurtful and scary when those people are in positions of trust or power over us. But don't give up. It's possible to find a therapist and psychiatric professional who you trust, who listen to you and your opinions about your experiences, and work with and compromise with your preferences rather than forcing any treatments on you.

Courtney

Date posted: 5y

Thank you for sharing, I’m sorry you had to go through that experience. I’ve definitely learned the importance of second opinions, and of making sure therapists are a good “fit” through this experience.

kglic1

Date posted: 5y

I dealt with the same obsessions as my ocd bounces between sexually intrusive thoughts, orientation and eventually lead to horrible depersonalization which lead me to believe I was going psychotic . It got so bad I ended up in inpatient for over a week. I have bipolar run in my family so I can understand with the confusion of misdiagnoses and being put on antipsychotics. The biggest thing that helped me with it all...if you truly are going psychotic you wouldn’t be able to stop it...the depersonalization is due to anxiety...the anxiety is from The ocd...what is the true deep down root of your ocd?

Courtney

Date posted: 5y

It’s disheartening to know you went through that, but encouraging to know I’m not alone. I was also hospitalized earlier this year. I am trying to practice acceptance of my thoughts and that the things I’m afraid of might be true, and that I can’t know for sure. But it’s so hard when it deals with such taboo subjects. I don’t know what the root is, this is all very new to me- fear of the unknown or loss of control and being a bad/dangerous person I guess

kglic1

Date posted: 5y

@Courtney Trust me I know how hard this can be. Another thing that really helps me is basing all of my actions off my values...no matter what I’m feeling (which 90% of the time is scared because of my ocd ) I bring it with me and live my life based off my values...ask yourself what’s the worst thing that’s going to happen if you go psychotic? That’s what really helped me beat psychotic ocd thoughts.

Courtney

Date posted: 5y

@kglic1 Thank you I will try this. I resume work Monday as a server in a restaurant and I’m so afraid of melting down in public, but I guess I’m more afraid of losing my job and letting OCD control my life. Seems like a good opportunity to get some practice in ?

kglic1

Date posted: 5y

@Courtney I’m a personal trainer so I can relate on having to be in front of people. For me the root of it all has to do with self insecurities and caring so much about what people think of me. When it comes to the thoughts of going crazy in front of people..try to remember you can’t control what others think or feel about you. So just try to be yourself and bring these scared feelings with you, because you value work and you value that you need to make money to support yourself.

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